Back on Track

cp1_cp2_0115002253I am back at work tonight… FINALLY. I would say I’m thrilled except I’m assigned to graveyard shifts again. ugh… Still, it feels damn good to be able to function better.

Even though my primary care giver has found me no answers yet, she did get me on some meds to help with some of the anxiety and mood swing symptoms. It took several weeks to get here but I am glad to be somewhat productive again.

I love my job, and I am so incredibly blessed to work for an agency that doles out the time off like it’s going out of style. I used up all my sick time and then some but it was still only about a third of the time off I have saved up over the last 2 1/2 years.

If this had happened in my last job managing a Radio Shack, I’d probably be fired, broke and losing my house at this point. SO many things to be thankful for… All the dispatchers on my team have been covering my shifts without one negative word. They are calling to check in on me and hoping I’m getting better. No pressure on me to come back until I was ready and today was the day. **exhale**

Hopefully the level of calm I am experiencing today continues. I am almost half way through my 12 hour shift, it’s about 1am and I am sooo tired but also smiling. I jumped right back in without even forgetting a password.

Published in: on January 31, 2013 at 9:00 am  Comments (9)  
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Encouragement All Over the Place!

The Lady Rancher

My life feels like it’s been jammed full of encouragement lately.  I have been on shift with Mz. Heinous and she has been rude, and condescending… hard to deal with.

I have managed to take away her power by seeing her through a very realistic lens.  She’s a sad woman really.  Horribly unhappy, in a crumbling marriage, and with all her children leaving her nest.  She’s extremely overweight, but not just heavy..  She’s misshapen… extremely pear-shaped.  Her hair is cut in a pixie and curly, so as she tries to grow it out it gets poofy and even more unattractive.  The poor girl doesn’t even have a pretty face.

She has been in the same job for 15 years, and has no power at work either.  She hit her salary cap 10 years ago, so she’s probably working with people with like 5 years on who make the same as she does…  Most of all, I realize she has no power over me.  She can’t do anything but complain, I guess.  Maybe lie… but I don’t care.  Nothing she can do can get me fired or in to any serious trouble.  I have absolutely nothing to fear from her.

My only real concern is how to work with her peacefully.  I have been kind to her, because that’s who I am… but she minimizes anything I say, or ignores it.   I also don’t want to be too compliant or constantly ignore her rudeness, there by giving her tacit approval so I have been talking with some of the women on the graveyard shift as to how best to handle it.

They have been incredibly helpful.  Overwhelmingly supportive.  I have felt so totally grateful.  Yes, there may be one woman on the staff that is a huge problem for me, but there are 13 others who want nothing more than to help me and see me succeed.

There are three women on the shift, and over and over again they hold up one gal in particular as an example.  We’ll call her The Lady Rancher.

The Lady Rancher lives alone with her dogs, and horses.  She is very multifaceted…  She has a commercial driver’s license.  She’s a bee keeper.  She takes time off every year for harvest, and then does farm and ranch work as outside employment.  She doesn’t own a tv or a computer, and requires very little sleep at night.

She’s an incredibly unique individual but what strikes me most of all about her is that…  Nothing rattles her.  She has a core of calm and peace all the time.

This week, I learned, she hasn’t always been that way.

The Lady Rancher is about to retire with full pension benefits, but it’s been a rocky journey.  She worked for our agency for some 22 years, and then left.

She was so incredibly stressed, she was wasting away thin.  Her hair was falling out, and she had an ulcer.  All her relationships had fallen apart.

She had spent her whole life absorbing everything that was happening.  The events of life knocking her around for years and years.  She finally burnt out.

After that, she spent five years drivin’ a tractor for next to nothing… just enough to feed herself and her dogs.  She journaled like crazy, read and went through therapy.  It took her five years to get back to a healthy emotional state where she felt like she could face the world again.

I was speechless as I looked at The Lady Rancher and realized she’d been through a similar process of where I’m at now… and she came through the other side a pillar of peace.

I can’t tell you how encouraging it was to find out that someone I greatly respect has come through what I’m working through… and to hear her say “it works.”

There’s just encouragement every where I look these days…. and I am so grateful.

Published in: on November 8, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (2)  
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Chat With The Drug Cop

The other day I had to drive out of town for a training class.  It was a pretty much miserable experience, since my anxiety was highly flared up all day long, and the heinous woman at work who hates me was there…  One thing was kind of  cool though.

I have mentioned the drug cop before.  He’s tall, blond, muscular and incredibly handsome.   He also serviced in The Marine Corps.  Since we have that in common, I think he feels kind of connected to me.  We have had 2 or 3 great chats.

It seemed like a hundred people filed in to a room with long tables and a collapsable screen for boring slides to assist the lecturers.  The room filled up fast and eventually I ended up sitting next to one gal I like, and on the other side of her was Mz. Hienous.  I’m sure Mz. Hienous was not happy about that either.  Still, she settled in.

Before the class got started The Drug Cop came over and knelt down between the tables chatting with me, close enough to touch.  He asked what shift I was on and told me he noticed he hadn’t heard me on the radio.  We chatted about his upcoming transfer and he mentioned his ex.

It didn’t take long after he left that Mz. Heinous bailed out of there and managed to find a seat smashed in the back corner of the room.  I nearly laughed out loud at that.  Ooooh do they hate me.  Ha-ha jealous bitches.

I made sure to go by and chat with The Drug Cop a couple more times just to piss them off.  He was pretty open about himself, his relationship with his ex and kind of why they split.  Turns out he’s not transfering very far away at all….  I have to say, I was surprised how familiar he acted.  I wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d tried to exchanged numbers or something.  He didn’t though.

My thoughts–  He is one crazy sexy man but he smells like t-r-o-u-b-l-e!  aaaand he’s not all that funny.

Published in: on October 18, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (7)  
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