Allllllmost a Home Run

FAIL

My V-day was pretty damn good this year. The Ambassador had a whole plan. He set his alarm and woke up at 4am then proceeded to gather a crazy amount of balloons, wine, card and a gift that he picked up on our trip when I wasn’t looking.

He gathered all these treasures and drove over to my work. He pulled up to the electronic gate which holds access to our fenced yard topped with razor wire. He buzzed dispatch where he was needlessly hassled by my fellow dispatchers (one of which has already met him in person and eaten his cooking!) and -almost- not let through. (Jealous bitches!)

Luckily, one of my wine girls… a full-fledged member of our group which we are now calling the DD’s (sexy shortened name for Dazzling Divorcees). When she realized they were contemplating blocking his sweet V-day surprise, she full on blasted them. “If it were anyone elses boyfriend, you’d let him in. Now, LET HIM IN!”
He zipped in and set up a display of his well thought out gifts then zipped out. No harm, no foul.

When I arrived and saw the balloons, thinking someone else had received them. I was quickly corrected. “Those are for you!” Said one of my co-workers, who was remarkably enthusiastic considering she wasn’t even going to let him through the fucking fence.

There stood a giant mass of balloons, a beautiful pink and white orchid, two bottles of wine, a card, and a silly little belt buckle I had eyed while we were antiquing.
The bottles of wine were one called “Scrapbook” and one featuring an image of a huge rooster named Rex Goliath on the front. He thought he was soooo funny giving me two things I like… Scrapbooking and a big cock. Hahahaha!

The card had a donkey on it. The front said “If loving you is a crime” and inside it read “then throw my happy ass in jail!” Cute… although I find it a little odd that he uses the L word in all kinds of different ways (like this, and “I love being with you”, “I love that about you” etc) even though he has never said it bookened with the standard “I” and “You”. Whatev… He also wrote some sweet things inside, like about me being sweet and understanding.

Recently I have been reading “The Five Love Languages” — my language is “Words of Affirmation”, but I found his words kind of luke warm. Ah well, not going to obsess over it.

We texted throughout the day, as I was working. When I got off work, I learned he’d made reservations at my favorite little italian restaurant. It’s a fabulous little place, with rock walls, dim lighting and romantic murals. They have great food, and great wine.

He took my head and lead me inside, right to a sweet booth where he sat next to me. I love when my guy does that. I feel like it’s just another way to be close to me. We had a fabulous dinner, eating off each others plates and probably making another couple, who was clearly there out of some sense of obligation, want to smash things.

I finally had a chance to give him my gift. I had been thinking about his gift for close to a month. I had the hardest time deciding what the right thing was… Finally, considering that he is on the verge of a promotion and only owns one tie, I bought him a kick ass power tie. It’s a fantastic tie, and fairly expensive. He looooved it, and woefully confessed he had screwed up his other tie, so his one tie predicament remained.

Once he had bought me a fantastic dinner, we headed home. We attempted to get through a movie, but fter a 12 hour shift and late dinner, we didn’t get very far… Plus, he had to work the next day, so he shut off the TV and we climbed in to bed.

Well, as I have stated so many times before… I’m a horny bitch, so I’m thinking “Yeah, baby, bring on the hot V-day sex!” I was cuddled up laying on my side as The Ambassador slid up behind me… He touched me firmly, grabbed my shoulder, bit my neck. Oooh, I was -impressed- and tossed my head back moaning. Then he stopped. I’m not kidding, he just stopped. He rolled over on to his side, away from me.

I immediately flipped over, and slipped up behind him, reaching and grabbing… It took me about 2 seconds to realize, he was being unresponsive to my touches. (I know, people, He’s a strange cat) All the plumbing was workin’ fine, but he remained turned away from me as if he were just going to float off to dreamland. Wtf?

“Really?” I said, “you’re just going to go to sleep?”

He just layed there. I pulled away in the darkness, and sat up staring at the clock. 10:45pm. My mind was racing. What the hell was he doing? What is this, some kind of power play? I don’t get it. I just can’t compute.

I decided, if it was some kind of power play then I need to recoup some. I’m not going to sit here in the dark feeling all confused and uncomfortable. I’ll never going to be able to sleep. Oh hell NO! All that effort, and he just blew it up. Epic V-day FAIL!

I started to move around and get dressed in the dark. THEN he rolled over.

“What are ya doin’?” he asked.

“I’m going home.” I whispered.

He replied something like “oh, ok” in a tone that said “I have no problem with that.”

I decided I needed to say a few things before I went. Honestly, I wasn’t angry, but completely bewildered.

I took a deep breath and softly said “You were really just going to go to sleep? I would understand if you don’t want to have sex but don’t toy with me…. I just don’t get it. You did all those things. We had a wonderful day, and then you just… That makes it even more confusing. **sigh** I mean usually if the girl is good to go, then it’s game on.

I don’t know if maybe you feel the need to control it, like you just don’t want me to hold any cards in this relationship… I don’t even get to have the sex card? I don’t know. I don’t understand, but it doesn’t feel good.” as I pulled on my boots.

“Ok” he said. I kissed him gently, and I left.

I puttered around the house, let my dogs out, and sat in my camping chair on the back porch, quiet smoke from my cigarette swirling up in to the night. I still couldn’t quite wrap my head around why he did what he did, but I managed to get in to bed and fall asleep anyway.

I woke up in the morning to 2 apology texts and a private Facebook message explaining that he was trying to be playful and didn’t realize it was a play on my emotions. He has no desire to control our sex and he promised never to do that again.

I was fully satisfied. In fact, I would have been fine with just the first text message, to tell you the truth. I had decided that we are still learning each other and I guess nonverbal communication isn’t our strongest point.

He did much more than that. He even explained why he didn’t ask me not to go… He was apparently dumb struck by my reaction, and further by his having gotten himself in to trouble. He simply floated down, instead of thrashing around while drowning.

I figured it was something like that. I have learned with him, that if I say my piece then let him be… He’ll come around. I’ve learned not to try to press him, it never ends well. I just need to be patient.

He ran the story by a couple of friends, who gasped and covered their mouths– He was met with all kinds of shock and awe.. “Oh, you did NOT do that!” “Damn dude, you’ve gotta eat crow… like a lot of it!” He started to understand more of why I was bothered.

He did come around. Even more than that, we kind of worked through what happened. I told him that for me, sex is an extension of our emotional connection, and I -really- enjoy it. I’m not in the mode of trying to protect my heart and look at it like it’s “just sex”.

He further explained that in his mind, he thought that I’d just turn the tables on him– and get all aggressive. That’s who he’s dated in the past… desperate, insecure, aggressive women. Well, I’m not that girl. I’m assertive and very sexually responsive, but I’m not about to violate someone’s boundaries— or continue down the foreplay path while being ignored. NOPE, not doin’ it.

We got through the situation, and pretty damn smoothly I’d say. I am, however, keeping my eyes wide open. There are two areas that are just kind of nagging at me. They are SEX– not getting enough, and WORDS OF AFFIRMATION– also not getting enough. Wow, I sound needy. lol– we’ll see what happens…

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Published in: on February 23, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (19)  
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I Love Valentines Day and I Don’t Care Who Knows It!

Ok, people, it V-day… and I’m beaming and all smiles. I LOVE Valentines Day and I don’t care who knows it! Yes… I’m THAT girl. I’m the girl with way too many chick flicks on her shelf… Pictures of couples kissing for her screen saver, and of course an uber optomistic dating and relationship blog.

“I am someone who is looking for love. REAL love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t live without each other love.” –Sex in the City

I love people. I love life, and I love romance. The ups and downs of it… The silly and the serious. The meaningful and the trivial. The pleasure and the pain. It’s all part of the package, and it’s all me… Hello, my name is Cadence and I’m a love-aholic.

I rolled out of bed and hit the button on the stereo… I primped, and played with make up. I put on some tall boots, a short skirt and my shirt that says “Love, Love, Love, Love, Love” across the front.

I have spent day putting together little gifts for my kids, my friends, my guy. I listened to Elvis Duran in the morning… all kinds of stories, all about love. Listened to my local radio guy talk about his beautiful wife of 10 years and play one sentimental country song after another. Gotta love “God Bless The Broken Road” by Rascal Flat. I’m in heaven.

I watched Good Morning America and marveled at Kathy Lee Gifford’s remarkably perky cleavage… Quite impressive! She was looking hot… Do you know she’s 58 years old?! That’s the kind of babe I’m gonna be. I’m gonna grow my hair out and never cut it short again. I’m gonna be a smokin’ hot dame when I get old… Like Sophia Loren. NO old lady haircut, STILL showing cleavage, and some shapely leg in a spiked heel. So what– if she sometimes looks like a drag queen in photos… I’ll take drag queen over Granny Clampet anyday of the week!

I reveled in some great love stories, watching the interviews on GMA. The couple that movie “The Vow” was based on was on the show! Sent out little messages to all my friends. Posted pics of the crazy ass, goofy, adorable balloon boquet The Ambassador bought me. I love- Love Day! Anyone reading my Facebook today probably wants to barf!

It seems to be the cool thing these days to -hate- the day.

Ok, I get why singles may fall in to the trap of hating the day. When you are alone, or without a partner, all the frickin’ sappy love songs and candy hearts make you feel like the world is rubbing it in your face. (Some of you probably want to scratch my eyes out because you think I’m just jazzed thanks to The Ambassador… Not true, I’m afraid. I’m always like this.)

Still, keep in mind, you are NOT alone. Family? Friends? Kids? Sure it’s not the same as a romantic partner, but these people still enrich your life. They are crucial parts of a full and happy life.

Plus, there are plenty of people standing right where you are. I live in a town of only 7,000 people and I can name at least 10 other single women. So make some new friends! Maybe you’ve got your crew of Single Ladies. Instead of getting together to bitch, moan and complain… Why not find a way to let them know how much you cherish them?

I got The Sultry School Teacher a card that had two little girls talking. The first said “Johnny likes you” and the second little girl replied “Paste eating Johnny or booger eating Johnny?” Inside it said “Hope all your options this Valentines Day are good.” We had a roaring laugh and then a glass of wine.

I hear even married couples, old timers and newly weds alike, poo-pooing the big V-day. THIS I don’t get. To me it’s just taking your blessings for granted.

Sometimes they even make excuses like “we show each other love everyday”. That is beautiful, but isn’t Valentines Day a great excuse to go the extra mile? Do something special… And DON’T TELL ME you do something special everyday or all the time… cuz if it’s that common, it ain’t that special. What’s so wrong with doing a little something more? Don’t be lazy! You might even have fun with it.

Not only is this day the perfect reminder, or the perfect excuse to shower your loved ones with affection, but retail America makes it oh so easy for you. Commercialized shmercialized! It doesn’t have to be. Sure, if you just grab some generic bullshit off the shelf at Walmart, instead of taking 30 seconds to come up with something thoughtful then ya, it’s lame… but if you think for a minute, even the standard tie can be a wonderful gift if your guy is on the verge of a promotion and owns only 1 crazy looking retro 1980s tie.

Maybe you know the embarrassing secret song she loves is “Glamorous” because you caught her in her socks, undies, and t-shirt dancing and singing loudly in to her hairbrush… Think about that and find something that shows a link. It could be something as simple as a cheap little bracelet engraved with that one word. It shows you know her, accept her and love her little quirks.

Well, that’s it for me. I’m skipping off along a path of rose petals to enjoy the rest of my love day. It’s not just about romance or cheesy candy gifts. It’s about showing some love, however you want to do it. The more personal and creative, the better.

So, I’m going to eat sweet things, listen to sentimental songs, watch Rom Coms and remind the people I care about how incredible they are. After all, life is what you make it– and today I’m making it FABULOUS and full of love.

Published in: on February 14, 2012 at 1:51 pm  Comments (5)  
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My Most Cherished Valentines Day Memory

Headed home after a long day of hustlin’ cell phones and satellite TV, I sighed as I turned the knob and stepped in to my place. I immediately stopped, my eyes grew wide and I tipped my head to the side.

There he was standing next to the table, surrounded by candles in the dim light of the evening. He was a tall drink o’ water, 6’2″, broad shoulders, and tan. He was freshly showered, hair slicked back and in a button down shirt.

My face moved in to a crooked grin. I’d never seen him like this before. He’s all dressed up and misty eyed.

Our dinner was beautifully displayed on the table. He’d cleaned and cooked and primped.

Every flat surface of my apartment seemed to be covered with white glowing candles… The sweet smell so perfectly balanced and dancing in the air.

He stepped forward to kiss me and take my hand. We had dinner and filled it with laughter and love. From there we moved to the next room, which was not far at all in my itsy bitsy place… He’d set up blankets and massage oils, and began to slowly peel off my clothing.

The music hummed and I fully relaxed, letting my self be molded by his large hands. It was an absolutely incredible night… We fell asleep with candles still burning. Some slowly dripping wax on to my furniture. Arms and legs tangled in the nude on his make shift massage bed.

To this day I’ll never forget the sight of him standing there as I stepped through the door.

Even today I walk past my old end table and turn my head to catch a glimpse of the wax still coating the lip of the table top. That was years ago and still, just a peak can take me right back to that day.

So, to my Fireman– that writer, dirt jumper, photographer, shameless flirt, and sentimental soul I fell so madly inexplicably drunken in love with­–

I say –Thank you for that, Darling. Thank you. I was 31. You were 20, and despite our significant age different or the fact that we had SO little… really just a roof over our heads and barely enough groceries to cook that dinner… You gave me my most cherished Valentine’s Day memory ever. I’ll carry it with me always.

Published in: on February 14, 2012 at 9:00 am  Leave a Comment  
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Make Your Own Memories; 8 Exciting Ideas for Single Girls on Valentines Day

Oh what to do, what to do…  There’s no reason you can’t make your own valentine’s day memory just because you’re single.  Put down that pint of ice cream, and call up some girlfriends. 

Now, don’t complain, you can’t possibly be the only single girl on the planet.  You’ve got to know atleast one other single gal.  Even if you don’t know her well, call her up, get to know her and get to plotting right away. 

Get off the couch, and get out of the house!  Here are some adventurous ideas for a Valentines Day you won’t soon forget!

For all you naughty girls like me…

1.        Find a dance club with a stripper pole and get up there!  Rock the pole!  Doesn’t mean you have to take anything off.  I didn’t say strip club, just a dance club.  It’ll be a fantastic feeling.  First of the feeling of conquering your fear of being embarrassed, then a feeling of empowerment, and so sexy!  Atleast that’s how I felt when I did it.  It helped to have a girlfriend standing upfront watching me.  It bolstered my courage and gave me something to concentrate on so I didn’t  lose my nerve.  It was a fantastic high.. just to know I had done it.  I’ll never forget it.

2.       Get a tattoo or piercing!  Now be smart about this, don’t go pickin’ out any old tattoo.  Tatt’s are supposed to be a window to your soul.  You’ll have a whole lot of adrenaline, a story, and an experience you’ll never forget.   Don’t forget to take pictures.

3.       Get dressed to the nines..  Make up on baby, hair done, best features accentuated & go out to a bar, and buy a man a drink.  Make the first move on the sexiest beast in that bar.  Why not?  What the hell, take the risk.  What’s the worst that could happen?  Maybe he comes over, maybe he doesn’t but you did it!  Have you ever done that before?  Empowering and memorable.  If he does come over you could take it one step further, flirt and dance and crawl all over him until he tries to take you home, then walk away.  It’ll drive him wild!  I guaruntee you’ll get a follow up phone call!

4.       Warm up those vocal cords and rock some karaoke.  It may take a drink or two to get up the courage but it’s a good time.  This can be a rip roaring good time, just make sure to find a bar where the crowd is interactive and enthusiastic on karaoke night, otherwise it’s just lame.

5.       Do something completely & utterly daring and death defying like sky diving, bungee jumping, hot air balloon ride, white water rafting (although it’s probably too cold for that these days) but you get the idea.  Do something off your bucket list.  Something you have always wanted to do.  Invest in the experience!  Because the truth is, when we leave this world all we take with us are our memories. 

For the more tame variety of women…

6.       Pamper yourself.  Pamper like you have never pampered before!   Hit a fantastic spa and do it all..  Everything from massage, to sauna, to aromatherapy baths, manicure, pedicure… ahhh facials..  oooh.   what ever they have to offer!  Soak it all in!  You deserve it. 

7.       See some stand-up comedy!!  Laugh your ass off!!   That’s always a good time.

8.       Do something silly and child-like…  like hitting an arcade, or driving go-carts, even roller skating at a rink.  You could even spice it up a little and down a couple of shots in the parking lot first.  Drunk roller skating!  Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it.

Keep in mind these things don’t have to be expensive.  A club can be just a cover charge and overpriced soda.  Pocket full of quarters and you’ve got a night of playing pool.  You may not be any good but it’s the fun of playing that matters.  Pampering if definitely devine at a swank salon, but you can pamper like crazy at home.  Home mani & peti, facial, and fantastic romantic comedy, but be VERY careful with this one because it’s dangerously close to having your ass glued to the couch with ice cream in hand.

The point is LIVE YOUR LIFE, who cares if your single!  Get out there and make a memory, after all, what if today was your last day?

Published in: on February 11, 2011 at 5:32 am  Leave a Comment  
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