Damn You WOOOOOD! And I don’t mean the fun kind!

Firewood is seriously driving me crazy. This year I decided to go with firewood only, since the heating fuel is super expensive and I was scared the heater would break again like it did last year.

Well, I was originally thrilled with the last cord of wood I bought cuz two guys name Jake delivered it and even stacked it in my wood shed. Woo-hooo! Until, later I realize I can not start a fire with it because they have split it in to giant supersized pie shaped logs.

Of course, I figure if I can stuff it in to the wood stove, it’ll work. Not so, my friends. Must have been hilarious watching me trying to start a fire with those gigantic pieces… Did manage to burn my hand pretty damn good in the process though. *eye roll*

So then I’ve got guys from church coming over to give me lessons on how to start a fire and bring smaller wood.

Well, today I attempted to put some of my lessons to work, and take a whack at splitting some of the enormous wood pieces. Sounds easy, right? Splitting wood. I even have a brand new ax, courtesy of The Ambassador when he was still around.

Well… Let me tell you… THIS is not so easy, and I have now decided… impossible. I just don’t have the upper body strength to do it. Also, I wanted to punch The Ambassador in the face for buying that stupid ax and making me think he’d be around to do things like chop wood… and then disappearing!

Apparently, I will have to continue getting my church peeps to bring me smaller wood to start the fires, then throwing the giant pieces in when it gets going good and hot.

I’ve also heard bbq lighter fluid works well… but I don’t want the kids to catch me doing that… Next things ya know, I go take the trash out and return to find my 8 year old holding a can of lighter fluid while standing next to my 10 year old with a lighter in her hand! Noooo bueno, dude.

Published in: on January 3, 2013 at 9:00 am  Comments (2)  
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Stalled on Relationship Road

excuses, excuses

excuses, excuses

Ok, peeps…  My apologies for this late published post.  It’s the first time in a very, very long time that I’ve not posted on schedule.  Three times a week.. Tues, Thurs, Sun 9am.  Usually, I have posts lined up to publish, sometimes 6 weeks ahead.  Not today though.

Lately, I’ve been working through a lot of really intense feelings about men, women and relationships.  I’ve been working through a lot of hurts left over from my divorce and childhood…  Daddy issues, divorce and abandonment issues…  BIG stuff.  Well, I keep getting part way through a particular defining moment and then sidetracked and derailed…   then comes the procrastination.

This pattern seems to be happening in several areas of my life.  For instance, the house work.  I’ve been putting it off a bit, but then I’ll work on it some but never get fully caught up.  Stalled, until it feels chaotic and a bit overwhelming.

I find that I’ve got so much to worry about these days… with the winter weather, and holidays coming and all.  It’s a lot for a single Mom to manage.  Remember last year?  https://search4asoulmate.wordpress.com/2011/12/12/a-single-moms-december/

Especially with children expecting the magic of Santa.  That’s a lot of pressure on a single mom!  Today I joked with my shift partners that I shoulda broke the news to the kids all at once—  “Kids, we’re leaving your father…  and by the way there’s no Santa!”

I can’t help thinking it’s all related.  I feel like I’ve got pregnancy brain… so many things to worry about that my sponge is full and things are getting forgotten.  AND it’s a vicious cycle, because the more I forget, the more stressed I feel, the more I forget… etc etc.

I think that’s why I’ve procrastinated the dang blog posts until I eventually just ran out of time.  With all these overwhelming issues, I feel stalled on relationship road.  In more ways than one.  I haven’t had a date in like 6 months… haven’t even been asked out on a date in all that time either.  *rolls eyes*  Talk about stalled.

I’m choosing it though.  I chose to take myself off the market, hunker down and do this therapy stuff.  I have to remind myself some time.  I guess I’m also choosing when I procrastinate or leave chores half-finished too.

Anyways….  There’s all my excuses for missing my own deadline.  lol.   Catch you Sunday!

Published in: on December 6, 2012 at 4:32 pm  Comments (2)  
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Ed and Marilyn

Today was garage sale day for The Sultry School Teacher.  She sorted out everything she’s not bringing to the city and set it out in the driveway.  I added a bike that’s been sitting in my garage, and a fouton and chair that I believe has been F-ing up my feng shui.

It was slow at first but as the morning wore on, we started to see more and more customers.  It was a productive day, and we moved all our big pieces.  We also did a lot of people watching.

We live in a very small town with a population around 7,000 or so.  The School Teacher and I live near the historic part of town where the buildings have charachter, the corner has a fantastic deli and the courthouse employees can walk to and from work.

If you were to spend a few days in our simple small town, you might see Ed and Marilyn.  They are an elderly couple that slowly buz around town on their twin medical type scooters.

I’ve seen them often, and chatted with them briefly on occasion.  I believe Marilyn may have suffered stroke at some point, and so doesn’t speak well.  Though she doesn’t offer many words, her smiles are given out in abundance.  She’s a petite gal, with gorgeous glowing gray hair that falls just below her shoulders in slights waves.

Ed is always by her side.  Dark haired, trim and always wearing a ball cap.  I have never seen one without the other.  Many times I’ve seen them from my living room window, steadily rolling along down the street.  It occurs to me that their health is not so well, since they don’t have the kind of mobility they once had and they are in the twilight of their lives…  but I always think, at least they’ve got each other.  Whatever their predicament is.  Whatever took their ability to go for a simple walk together…  still they have each other.

Today, I had my first conversation with Ed that covered more than introductions.  Today I saw a little bit of who Ed really is.

As Marilyn looked through a stack of brightly colored children’s books, Ed told me how he’d worked for a school district for some 30 years in a place far from here.  He told me how he’d fallen from a roof, and become severely injured.  He told me about his suicide attempt in the years following that and how he’d been locked up in a psychiatric facility for something like 24 days after losing his wife to cancer.

It was a sad tale.  I probably looked quite uncomfortable as he talked and shot holes in the vision I had of who they were.  I tried to be comforting, and give his thoughts a little nudge toward what positive he has here today.   “So, who have you got with you today?” I asked, motioning toward his feminine companion.

“That’s Marilyn” he said, and dismissed her as quickly as I brought her up.

All I could think, after our encounter was…  While Ed is busy thinking about all the devasting losses he has suffered in his life, he’s neglecting to see what’s right in front of him.  It then occured to me that, no matter who you are or what you’re story is…  there are mostly likely people watching you and wishing they had what you have.

There are parents out there who pour their hearts out to God day after day begging to see thier children healthy and happy… as mine are.  There are people who would give anything to be able to go for a run without debilitating pain, or not feel sick every minute of every day…  to have a warm place to sleep, enough food to feed their babies, pets to keep them company when their people aren’t around, a job they love…. any number of things.

And although I’ve been feeling lonely these days… I’m no shut in.  I get to be out in the world, meet people, talk to people and foster new friendships.  How many people in this world don’t have those opportunities?

I thought about this for a long time and concluded that I have become quite good at appreciating the people I have in my life.  While I did not get The School Teacher for a terribly long time… I appreciated her in word and in deed.

We supported each other, spent time together, talked for hours on end..  We rang in the New Year side by side, toilet papered a house together, roller skated, ate pizza, got lost in the city.  We cried together, confessed our secrets to one another, worked on a project side by side and vented our anger when necessary.  We offered each other acceptance, friendship, encouragement and love.

I took none of this for granted.  I’ve told her how much she means to me.  I have thanked her time and again for her friendship, her listening ear and her alternate perspective.  I’ve left her notes for no apparent reason.  I’ve picked her up a gift from time to time, just because I was thinking about her and wanted to see her smile.

Today as she and I sat on my front porch drinking coffee at the end of the day… I thought… I have no regrets.  She’s an angel God sent me for this particular time in my life, and I hope I’ve been as much to her too.    I’ll never forget that scene, and how it felt ‘front porch sittin’… my best friend and me.

Yesterday was such a brutal day… heartbreaking.  I couldn’t get away from the thoughts of being left all alone, of the gaping hole that will be left in my life when she goes.  I cried and mourned the loss of not just her, but many many friends in my life.

The School Teacher leaving seems to have brought back an ache in my heart for The Ambassador (strangely, at the very same time I also feel PISSED that he bailed on me) and made my dread of Captain Amazing’s move even more pronounced.

Yesterday I was crushed, and even put myself to bed early with quite a large glass of wine… but today my heart is just thankful…  so incredibly thankful… for what I have, the souls I’ve shared time with and worked along side.  The life I lead, the great kids I’m raising, the healthy body I get to live in every day.

Oh, what a difference a day makes.

Published in: on August 14, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (3)  
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8 Rules For Dating a Single Mom

SO.. years ago, and before I was serious about blogging, I was hanging around a site called hubpages.com. Hubpages works a little different than wordpress, and because of that, some of my really popular posts have gotten an absolutely insane number of hits. So, I decided to take my two most popular ones (this one having earned 4,395 hits and How Important is Chemistry in a Relationship at 10,687) and make them in to “pages” on my blog.

The following post was a very sassy semi rant about trying to be a single parent in the dating world. Hope you enjoy. I find it packed with attitude, and humor. It got all kinds of crazy comments and seriously pissed a couple dude off. lol. Let’s see what happens on wordpress!

If you are going to date a single Mom, there are seriously some things you should know… So here are 8 little tips for avoiding Mommy rampages, and dating deal breakers!

1. Do as you’re told.

Or, as you’re asked, I should say. Respect her boundaries.. This sounds simple, doesn’t it? Keep in mind, though, you are on dangerous ground here!

If she tells you that her days with her kids are HERS and hers alone, then don’t be asking to come over for a late night movie or booty call. She may go along with it for a short time, but she’s got work, and chasing kids, and gigantic loads of laundry to deal with. The lack of sleep is bound to get to her, not to mention your complete disregard for her expressed wishes.

As single Mom’s we’ve had enough of people not hearing a damn thing we say. That’s the kid’s job, not yours! It may even be the reason she left her ex.

2. Never refer to her children in a negative manner.
Once again, this seems like common sense, but from personal experience I know it’s not. One of my sweetest, smartest friends once said “I don’t have kids to deal with on top of everything else.” Talk about Mommy Meltdown!! It was a good thing he sent that little snippet over text message or he might have been taken down!

Our children are certainly NOT “something to deal with on top of everything else.” Blame the damn dishes, or her job, or bills.. but stay away from the kids. Even though they often drive us crazy, and I’ve described my angels as being “hell on wheels” more than once– they are our precious babies.

3. Don’t bestow your stellar parenting advice on her.
You catch the sarcasm there? Especially if you are not an active parent or even a parent at all. Just take a step back and realize that it’s not your place, otherwise I hope you’re wearing your cup because those can be fighting words.

If you do venture into these waters, as openness and honesty is important in a relationship, chose your words and timing wisely! Not enough tact and she will see this as an attack, and criticism of her parenting and you have NO idea what she goes through.

Each day is littered with constant battles. She’s trying to keep her head and be loving while also trying not to go completely insane because no matter how many times she tells her child “I’m not your servant” he retains an authoritative, entitled tone to his voice.

This one can be especially hard for single Dads dating single Moms. Single Dads (with at least close to 50% custody. If you are one of those guys that calls yourself a single Dad but sees your child at your own damn convenience, you don’t count!) generally have great things to offer, but once again go about it gently and keep in mind Moms and Dads have different roles and different personas. God made us that way on purpose.

Also, talk to her about parenting and see at what point she feels it is appropriate for you to speak up. Most of all don’t get angry or disapproving of her parenting style. If you don’t think she’s a good parent or you can’t show a little respect for her difference of style and opinion then maybe you should consider calling it a deal breaker before she does!

4. Don’t get on her case about meeting the children.
Are you crazy? You’ll meet them when she’s ready for you to meet them. She’s just being a responsible mother keeping you at bay. Plus, ask about it too much and you will never get to meet them because it starts to get creepy after a while.

5. Don’t try be Dad.
Keep in mind, especially if the children have their father in their lives, you aren’t there for that purpose. You are there for her. Treat her as such.

I’ve said many times to my ex boyfriend. You’re here for me. They have their Dad. You’re my crack of sunlight. Single Moms often times run around all day taking care of other people. The man in her life is there to make her feel good.

Keep rolling with this, pamper her a little and not only do you avoid deal breakers, but you may become her new hero!

6. Remind her that she’s “one hot momma”.
Remember there is usually no one else in her life doing this. She’s the one dolling out the self esteem boosting compliments and kisses on boo boos. It feels very June Cleaver sometimes, and we need to be reminded that we are sexy and lusted after. Plus, if she feels you see her as some sort of motherly figure, I can guarantee there’s a big ol’ glass of “deal breaker” in your future!

7. Don’t let down the kids or she’ll be forced to hurt you.

So the day comes and you get to meet the kids. Congratulations! This is big. Now you have to be consistent.

If she tells the kids you are coming over for dinner, they get visions of you playing xbox with them again dance in their little heads. You don’t show and she gets to hear, about a thousand times over and over again. Where is he, Mom? You said he was going to come over. Why isn’t he here?

Be particularly aware if you’ve been around the children a lot and bonded with them, because if the questions become sad little moping faces it’s a whole new ball game. Your risk goes from repeated shin kicks to anger that will melt your face off.

8. Don’t hurt the children or you will be killed.
Ok, so you realize I may be exaggerating, but then again how well do you really know her? Do you know whether or not she can have someone “disappear”?

Nearly every woman I know has that protective tigress in her when it comes to her children, and single Mom’s have that passion twice as strong. So hands off!

If I ever caught a man laying hands on my children in a violent or sexual manner, he’d be fucking lucky to get arrested. He’d better hope he gets arrested because I’ll definitely tell their father, and he’s very big and very angry dude. That idiot had better be in jail thanking his lucky stars that he didn’t have all his limbs and facial bones broken before he got there.

On that note, good luck with your single Mom! Also, one last thing… although I may have made it look like a mine field, don’t be fooled, there are million more wonderful things about dating a single Mom than there are negative! Single Moms are some of the most beautiful souls on the planet. The ones I know are smart, hard working and overflowing with love and understanding. They are women of style and substance, bursting with texture and life experience.

Published in: on February 19, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (8)  
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