Things That Give Me **Pause**

inner struggleSome of the things that gave me pause after reading my girlfriends Big Fat Christian Love Story was… First of all…  First and foremost…  what if it works?!!  *gasp*  Do I really want to get married again?  Truthfully, folks, I’m slightly terrified at the thought of it.

I think maybe that’s a bridge I’ll have to cross when I come to it.  Not only am I growing, healing and changing everyday but maybe I can’t know how I’ll feel once I am in that relationship.  I know how I want to feel… but maybe it’s just one of those things where you’ll know it when you see it.. or feel it in this case.

Next, I’ve always heard the phrase “you wouldn’t drive a car without test driving it first, would you?”  To marry someone without EVER having slept with that person seriously freaks me out.  Now, it wouldn’t be such a big deal if it were someone who I had previously played with but otherwise… errrr… ummm..  I don’t know about that.

Even my mother said “Take my advice, Dear…  NEVER wait til you’re married.”  lol…  Moms aren’t supposed to say that!

Next up… if “divorce is not an option”, then doesn’t that give someone kind of free license to walk all over you and treat you like crap?  Or ignore you and your needs or wants or requests, thinking “ahh, she’ll never leave.”  I hate that idea because there are a ton of things we can’t control in this life, like other people, but I can control me.  I may not be able to persuade him to stop drinking or gambling us in to the poor house, but I can choose to leave.  Now I’m supposed to give that up?  Just put up with anything he throws my way?

I have read some guy bloggers that talk about the three As.  The three As are the only time a divorce should be considered… They are abuse, addiction, and adultery.  I can’t quite get on board with that either though.  I think couples can work through anything (those things too) if there are two willing partners… but what isn’t willing?

What if one partner refuses to try to improve things?  What if you are miserable and he just doesn’t give a rat’s ass?  What if there is complete neglect?  Is that a form of abuse?  What if it feels like you live with a stranger because she’s a work-a-holic?  Does that count as an addiction?

What if she’s shopping you in to bankruptcy and homelessness?  What if she just keeps doing it, no matter how many cards you cut up or check books you take away?  You can’t chain her up in the basement.  What are you supposed to do?  What if it’s been going on for a decade and the shop-a-holic refuses to even discuss the issue?  After all, why should she?  You’ve already told her “divorce is not an option” so she just figures you’ll never leave anyway!

So, lets say we would count that as a shopping addiction…  Shopping is an addiction now?  Then where do we draw the line?  Welcome to my internal struggle.

*Sigh*  I guess maybe that’s part of trusting God… fully surrendering.   Hmmm..  maybe it’s not God I don’t trust though… it’s men.  Ooooh, that sounded bad but it is part of the therapy stuff I’m working through right now.  Wish me luck, blogger friends…. because I have a feeling that once I work through this particular area in therapy, I’ll have the answers to the questions here as well.

Published in: on December 9, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (4)  
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A Big Fat Christian Love Story

As I’ve been growing and growing and growing like crazy in my spiritual walk, I have decided I want to do the whole relationship thing a totally different way this time.  I want to do it God’s way… whatever that means.

For all my life I have watched people trying to do the dating, relationship and marriage thing the way the world does it…  and fail miserably at it, myself included.  In the people I know and love, I see more failing than succeeding.

So, I set about trying to figure out what that means.  I searched the bible and read and read about marriage and sex before marriage and all kinds of stuff related to that.  I found that often when I was googling questions I saw the same scripture verse recycled over and over again, interpreted to mean what they wanted it to mean.  I saw people with blog posts who were WAY too conservative to align with my beliefs.  I read a few that cause me to choke on my coffee and exclaim “that’s just ridiculous!” out loud.

In trying to settle my thoughts and beliefs on this issue, I realized…  I had no idea what a “christian” love story even looks like.. for me, I mean.  I’m no 20 year old girl raised by super holy rollers.  That I can visualize, but I am a 35 year old double divorcee!

The way our culture does relationships…  dating, sex, relationship, live together, engagement, marriage…  That I can picture.  I’ve seen it happen a thousand times over, but what is the alternative?

I asked a few people and didn’t get much help, although my girlfriend The Pastor’s Wife did offer a valuable tidbit.  “It has to be a Christian” she said… and boy is she right, because no one else is going to want to do this.  lol.

So far, what I do know is I want to remain celibate until marriage, and no living together in between.  These two things alone are pretty scary to me.  I realize it is shrinking my dating pool down significantly, but I don’t want to date a lot of people… just the right one.

Next thing you know I see a christian divorcee girlfriend of mine post on Facebook that she is getting remarried.  I trust her and she and I have been through a lot.  I’ve known her for years.  I’ve known her as my customer, my bank teller, my co-worker, my employee, my friend.  We have talked through marriage, emotional abuse, custody issues, leaving your husband, moving out-of-state.  I even gave her a shining reference for her new job in a new state after she chose to leave.

Since we had been through all this… I decided I could spray her with questions and not feel badly about it at all.

Her reply to me was this…

-Is he a christian? Yes he is. Though a new Christian. He has jumped right in and is volunteering and is there every time the doors are open.

-How did you meet him? I met him on an online dating site. Do I recommend? No.. but it does happen.

-Is there an age difference? I am 32 he is 35

-How long have you been together? 5 months. Crazy huh? But, we just knew it was meant to be! Plus we are older and know what we are looking for. It was each other!!

-At what point did you realize this was really working out and actually headed for marriage? About 2 months into it. He was really hesitant to even get with me and be in a relationship. Once he committed it flew from there.

-How did he propose? We just decided to get married. No one really proposed. We just knew we were meant to be together for the rest of our lives.

-Does this situation feel differently than the first time around? in what way?

-How do you know this time is going to be different from the first time? (this question always comes back to me when I think about getting married again one day. How on earth will I know I’m not signing up for the same kind of heartbreak and problems I had last time?)

I prayed one day “God I just want someone who fits in my life. I am a single mom that is very busy. I work a lot, I’m active in the boys school life, I’m active in church, I have no time for a relationship. If I am ever going to get married he has to fit.” I had no area of my life I wanted to cut out or slow down. So it was going to have to be a God thing for it to work. He came around and just “fit”. He was willing and even excited to be apart of the things I was doing.

When he met my family, he was the first guy since my ex-husband my family had met, they thought.. wow this must be serious… and I wasn’t even sure it was going to be at this point. But, they fell in love with him.

The next weekend I met his family, His mom has never liked anyone he brought home, she fell in love with me and told him “she is the best thing that has ever happened to you, don’t mess it up or hurt her” and we have been one super close family ever since.

Both our families LOVE each other.. my boys ADORE him.. Cadence, God found my missing puzzle piece.. and it was him. He just “fits”.

-How do I know it’s different? Because it’s God not me.. I don’t know what the future holds. I just know divorce is not an option. I am going to work harder and be a wife to him as if I’m doing it until the Lord. My attitude is different, my beliefs are different and my approach is different. The only way Brian and I will make it for the next 10000 years, is to put Jesus first. Period!

When I finally surrendered all hurts, jealousy, pain, bitterness, and most of all unforgiveness, of myself and others, God did a miracle in me. He gave me a new heart. A heart that feels, that cries, that is merciful, soft, and has grace. I have emotions I’ve never had before. I don’t have walls or a hard anything about me anymore. I am vulnerable and I love it. I have no problem saying “wow that really hurt”. I don’t have to be tough anymore. When someone hurts me I cry.. I tell them.. then I pray. I’m not a jerk anymore.

It’s too exhausting to keep yourself locked up and out of hurts reach. God has really shown me what it is like to be human.. and I love it. He shows me people through his eyes and it is amazing how different people are than how they portray themselves.

Soooo…  that’s it.  My girl’s big fat christian love story.  I can picture it now.  I was also struck because it sounds like she has gone through a lot of the same healing that I’ve been going through.  I understand getting my emotions back, and the crying… Oh, so much crying over the past few months!

Much to think about though.  A few of the things in her reply kind of gave me pause..  more to come!

Published in: on December 4, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (1)  
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Have The Holy Rollers Got It All Figured Out?

I know some people who are what I call Super Christians.  They’re mega holy rollers right down to the bones, it would seem.  There are two families in particular in my church.  The wives stay at home.  They home school their kids.  They have a family day every single week, and the husbands look pretty dang involved from where I sit watchin’.

I say they seem to have it all figured out because they have been married for a long time and things still seem to be going well for them.  They seem like partners and best friends.  These men manage to lead their wives without making them feel like second class citizens.  Their theory, of course, comes straight from the bible “Women submit to your husbands.  Men love your wives.”

While sitting around the campfire, a discussion about this ensued.

Now, I can see the benefit of this…  I think, for the most part, men’s largest emotional need is to be respected…  where as for women, it is to be loved. I guess that’s no big shock, right.  Maybe the only difference is that those Super Christians have clearly defined roles they have both agreed to.  But is it really all that simple?  And is it a good idea to let someone else (even a husband who loves you) decide what’s right for you?

One of the women made a very good point, and basically said, if your man loves you, it’ll be natural to submit to him.  SO…  ultimately the theory is, if each person does his or her part, all is well.  That’s all great and wonderful, but I must say, as a child and an adult I have been —errr, shall we say ‘subject’ to men who abuse this position of leadership (shall we call it).  They wanted the submission, without having to give the love.  They want the family to submit to their whims for their own selfish reasons, not because they are honestly loving them and doing their best to lead them.  This leads me to resist submission, out of self-preservation.  After all, he is just a man.  Although I have seen the verses in the bible, and I am a believer…  I still have to wonder.  Are we interpreting it correctly?  Or is it one of those cultural things you find in the bible…  how things were so long ago?  Or maybe the key simply lies in marrying someone you can absolutely trust.


Still, there is something nagging at me…  I wonder if these women are forgoing their own wishes to fulfill roles they think they -should- play.  Have they ignored any thought of goals and dreams for themselves, and simply substituted the husbands dreams in that place?  AND I must say, although they are young, attractive couples and mostly everything looks hunky dorey on the surface…  I don’t see a whole lot of affection between the couples most times.  They seem like best friends, sure, but are they in love?  Is it, or was it at least once, passionate romantic love?  The truth is, no one really knows what goes on inside a marriage, except the people in it.

I’d say defined roles, good.  As long as it’s a role you truly want…  Two willing participants… Two people both doing their best to love and respect each other…  very very good.   But do super holy rollers have it all figured out?  On the surface it may seem so, but beware judging a book by it’s cover.

I don’t think there are any templates to follow in love…  I think we all have to carve out a situation that works for us, no matter what the rest of the world thinks.

Published in: on September 4, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (3)  
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Bball in the Dark

We played night time basketball. As The Ambassador really wants to have more dates and more adventures together, I set up a basketball adventure.

It went really well… aside from it being as cold as a witches tit outside. First we went by the YMCA and even though it was 45 minutes til closing, there were a ton of sweaty dudes on the courts. We didn’t want to play with other people so we left. He was all jazzed. Amped up just to be out of the house together, I think.

We drove over to some basketball courts in the dark, and parked my car with the lights on to shine on the pavement. The fence was unlocked but it still felt like we were being naughty.

Shooting hoops in the dark when you can barely see the rim proved to be it’s own type of adventure. Nearly everytime he passed the ball to me, I squealed. I could hear the ball coming but it was so dark I couldn’t see it. I did manage to put a few up though, and was surprised my lay-up hadn’t gotten rusty. It’s been quite a long time since I’ve played any basketball.

I showed him up tossing up a bunch of 2 pointers. Whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh! He’s no super athlete either, so I wasn’t humiliated. lol. He chased me around, grabbed me around the waist… even made a rapid humping motion from behind em at one point. I was laughing like crazy. He always makes me laugh.

We talked, we tossed, we laughed. We went by the grocery store to get some food since I hadn’t eaten all day. He was big on the holding hands. It felt a little odd to me, honestly. The Collector’s theory is that PDA is an ownership kind of a thing. I don’t know…. it wierds me out since it still kind of feels like he’s got one foot in and we have had no sexy time.

At one point he told me he’d read his horoscope for 2012 and it said this might be the year he marries, etc. He also said he was really stoked because he really wants the marriage.

This sent my mind in to turning over what I’d said to him about not being married again being ok with me. It also had me wondering. You see, The Ambassador has never been married and has no kids. I don’t want to get in to a space where I am just what I offer. I’m a responsible woman who makes a home. I realize he wants a marriage, home and family very much… Let’s just say, I hope I NEVER have to consider a marriage proposal from anyone that makes me wonder WHY he’s asking.

If I ever get married again, it’ll be to someone that just wants to be with me. Someone who is honestly one of the best people I’ve ever met, and who can SAY the same about me. He wants to marry me because it’s ME.

I stayed at his place and it proved to be a NONsexy cuddle only sleepover again. This time, though, he was touching me. He had one hand caressing my ass most of the time. He was touching me lightly and looking at me. Kissing me, although still not a really passionate kiss.

At one point I said something about it and he admitted “You think I don’t know I’m turning you on?” He knew. He said he was just appreciating being close with me.

*Sigh* Is it possible that I could slow my roll and be able to just appreciate that? Idk. I’m a scorpio… that may not be possible.

Published in: on January 17, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (5)  
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Surprise, Surprise

“Many of us get our emotional excercise by jumping to negative conclusions” –Leo Buscaglia

There were so many things said in the talk with The Ambassador of Ambiguity. I was looking for reassurance and he took his second chance to give me that, and ran with it.

I happy to hear that he valued me in his life enough to worry about me being upset, and talk to his friends about it. He didn’t want to lose me, and when he thought that was happening curled up with the blankets over his head.

He told me that he turned down a recent transfer opportunity for three reasons, one was me, the second his best friend who also lives here in town, and last was the crazy bitch that runs the store he was considering transfering to.

I was happy to be a part of that decision. I was the perfect mix.

It wasn’t all about me, but I was a factor and that made me happy.
He once again stated that I am unlike any of the women he has ever dated. I have my life together and I’m mature. (I guess that’s a good thing. lol) He’s always been the mature one. It seems now though that he is looking for a partner, not a project.

He told me that it’s because I am different… Essentially because he values me and this relationship, that he has been so adamant about taking things slow. “I want to grow together, to be able to say I can’t be without her.”

He did more than satisfy, even delight me with his sentiments but he surprised me too. Not only had his thoughts gone from “Do I want a relationship?” to “Is she the one?” but he surprised the hell out of me with the next question…

“Am I the marrying kind? I mean, has it crossed your mind? Have you thought about it?”

Wow, I know my eyes got BIG at that question, and I sucked in a bunch of oxygen. He went on to say that he’d been listening to Elvis Duran in The Morning on the radio and they discussed this topic. Apparently the participants said things like “within 6-12 months you should know if this is someone you would marry.”

He also talked about a couple of women that work for him who are not married. One had a makeshift ceremony and has a ring but it’s not legal, and the other has been happy and healthy with her man for 15 years.

I stumbled a little bit, and then took a breath and allowed myself to be fully open and honest. “For me, if I never get married again that would probably be ok, except that in our society they sometimes make it necessary to be married. What if one partner gets sick and can’t work and needs medical insurance? What if they won’t let you in the hospital room because you aren’t married.. you aren’t family. You have no rights to make medical decisions for that person, etc.

I’ve done the whole picket fence thing, and that’s just not important to me. What matters to me is the emotional connection. I want someone I could be happy with if we had to live in a tent… but not someone who would run his life off the rails so we actually do have to live in a tent.”

I went on to say “Are you the marrying kind? I think, for me, yes… but to be honest, this withholding communication and stuff will make me run the other way fast. We’ve got to get this figured out.”

He told me that his view on life has changed. He no longer wants to be the gypsy that says “look I can pack everything I own into a back pack and leave today.” He wants a home and a family. He wants to feel at home, and have a place he belongs.

He also went on to talk about money, and how it’s important to him to have a cushion. He doesn’t want to have a lot of unsecured debt. I told him I have just one credit card with a $300 limit. “But we’ve got years maybe,” I went on “before we have to talk about those sorts of things and when I get in a situation like that again I’m fine with keeping things separate.”

I did not elaborate on my theory on couples finance, and we moved on. Maybe I should have. Then again, I’m sure that talk will come up again later.

He also asked if I am going to retire from the agency I currently work for. I told him I love it there, and have no plans to leave at this point but who knows what will happen when the kids get older. I might want to get out of this town. There’ s a whole big world out there.

He seemed to think he knew how I felt, but I guarantee I surprised him as well. Men seem so ready to assume that we all want to get hitched, combine finances, and follow where ever they go –or the oposite and never leave our current location.

I have no interest in a man’s money. I would be perfectly happy putting a percentage of what we make in to an account for household finances… The rest of his is HIS. I don’t have to worry about what kind of toys he buys or how much he spends on what, because it’s not mine. Chances are he’ll earn more and have more to spend, but that can get worked out in who pays for romantic getaways and who buys dinner out. If we are both generous and not demanding and greedy… It’ll work out fine.

I even have one girlfriend that can’t say it enough “prenup. prenup. prenup!” and I agree. This go round, I am taking responsiblity for earning my own way, and my own retirement. I know I won’t be staying at home caring for children as was the agreement with my ex-husband, so there’s no reason not to.

Can’t wait to see where this will go from here. He dropped by last night and was not the slightlest bit withholding of his feelings, compliments and affection. (although, still no dirty details to share. boooo!)

We are growing together and mmmmm, that feels good.

Published in: on January 13, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (7)  
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Gimme The Goods

I have to send out a note to my readers. This involvement with The Ambassador of Ambiguity has been quite an inner struggle for me. The thing is, even with so many around me (friends and readers) thinking he is a lost cause and he’s just not that into me… I keep hanging on. Don’t think your comments don’t affect me. They do. I pay attention, but I have always been the type to go my own way.

I’m sure you all think I’m a fool for love, or just a fool, which is true some ways. Still, I ask you to please consider that you are only getting piece by piece information. You’re only recieving those items that have been sifted through the strainer and remain to nibble at my brain.

I realize I may have neglected to include all kinds of good stuff that has tumbled out of his mouth along the way… Here are just a few…
I talk about you all the time.
I talked to Ginny about you all day.
(On me being what he calls “mature”) …it’s crazy attractive.
You’re so fucking hot.
You’re all tits and ass today.
You look amazing.
I’m tired of people being seasons in my life.
I want to build a history together.
I want to hold you and talk to you.
If we wait, it’ll mean more. It’ll be more than just sex.
You are in a whole different category than any of the women I’ve ever dated. That’s why I am so adamant about this going slow thing. I badly don’t want to mess this up.
I want to grow together.
I want to get to the point where I can say “I can’t be without her.”
I want more than that. I want the whole thing… the whole life, the house, the family.

Although this going slow stuff… this going painfully, gut wrenchingly slow is brutal at times, I want to be different from all the rest. I want to be “kissed by a man who means it” (Thanks, T), and I have told The Ambassador before… If I’m not “the whole package” for you, then be on your way. Maybe he needs time to get there, or maybe he never will… For now, I’m going to hang in there, and let him lead the dance… after all, the dances I’ve been doing over the last several years haven’t worked out so well, so why not try this?

The Sultry School Teacher has been the most clear minded friend to me. Because she’s a woman, she is not restrained by an inborn need to protect me. She’s also the one who has spent absolutely the most time around The Ambassador and I together. She tells me it was never a question in her mind whether or not The Ambassador of Ambiguity cared. Seeing us together, feeling that, she knows we have something incredible… It’s just ironing out the kinks that’s hard.

I try not to get too holy roller on this blog, but the fact is, I am a spiritual woman. Sure, I am quite an unconventional christian with my tarot cards, and beliefs of past lives, etc… but I do believe.
I know God is with me on this journey. I know he sent The Ambassador in to my life for a reason. It may be that there are things that we need to learn from each other. It may be that he is the partner I have been praying for– and while he’s processing and molding during his own personal growth, I am learning to be patient, have faith and realize that not every action or reaction is directly about me. Only time will tell.

This morning he posted a link to the movie “Courageous” on his Facebook with an in depth remark culminating in “If ever given the opportunity, I will!” He’s been talking about marriage lately. Asking me what I think about with regard to that. Tears filled my eyes as I watched the trailer, and I thanked God for sending a man like that into my life. For a moment, I thought “maybe he is the one.” Just like on so many other days when I thought for a moment that maybe I should run.

I pray. I pray all the time, and I know I’m not finished here yet. There’s more I need to experience with him, and he’s too good to let go without a fight. Somethings are worth fighting for, and waiting for… (of course my fight is a slightly crazed internal struggle. lol)

Keep in mind that even though we talk about sex and dates and my naughty lace and high heel clad morning routines– My path is just as I titled this blog. I’m not looking to get laid. I’m not looking for some kind of affair, or out there like a teenage girl trying to find a boyfriend… I am searching for a soul mate.

That means learning to open my heart again after having the shit kicked out of me by love. It means re-learning all the bad habits we (The Ambassador & I) have developed in previous relationships. It means tearing down the walls that years of child abuse, addiction, toxic people and later troubled romantic relationships have built, and sharing our lives with one another… forging a true and intimate emotional connection.

I want something that is going to last. I want to look at my past relationships and do things differently this time around. Through all this, not only am I mission bound, but I am experiencing miles and miles of personal growth along the way.

So, stay with me readers. I know my growing pains can be frustrating and irritating, but it’s deep stuff. It’s raw and it’s real. We are complicated humans with fears, and scars, and lessons learned (good and bad) from every experience we’ve had.

Some of you may still be thinking I’m a fool… He’s just not that into me and I need to move on. You may be right, but I’ll know when it’s time to go. I may look back on this experience in the future and realize that I chased him when he was never fully on board, but I am willing to take that chance. I am going to walk the path God is showing me, and at some point I know I’ll find what I need.

Published in: on January 2, 2012 at 12:10 pm  Comments (6)  
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It’s Times Like These That Make Me Think I -Should- Get Married Again



It’s not romance. It’s not sex or attraction but pure survival. That’s what marriage used to be all about. It wasn’t fairytales, rainbows, and hearts and flowers. It was binding together to survive, and through that love and connection grows. It’s still like that all over the world.


Let me explain the current situation that has got me typing the M word. (I know, although not 4 letters, still a dirty word for many jaded singles) You see readers, The Stalkerish ex-boyfriend is currently in the hospital two states away– by himself. What a nightmare. I’m sure that’s a frightening prospect for many singles. I would hate to be in that spot.


We are very close friends and I’m doing whatever I can from a distance. Posting updates on his facebook to let everyone know what’s going on. Talking on the phone with him and blurting out questions he should ask the medical staff… but I am a thousand miles away or more.


The Stalkerish Ex-boyfriend is 46 years old, never married and recently moved to a place where he thought his buddy would have his back. However, this guy who’s been his “friend” for 30 years and lives in the same house, did not drive him to the emergency room last night nor has he visited him at all.


Not only does The Ex-boyfriend NOT have health insurance but he’s also SO doped up on pain meds he can’t effectively advocate for himself.


There are some things in society that force us to play by someone elses rules, and I believe this is one of them. Gotta be married to be on someone’s health insurance. Also, I suppose a spouse could just as easily bail on you at such a crucial time but there is a lot more social pressure on them. Plus, you have a bond. Even if you are having problems in the marriage, there’s a bond. You have a stake in that person. They have become “MY husband” or “MY wife”.


Also consider, what happens when he gets out of the hospital?? If he’s had abdominal surgery, he’s going to need some help. What’s he going to do then? Who can afford a care facility? Plus, who wants to do that before they are 100 years old? However, for some singles that don’t live near family… they may have to consider something like this if they had a medical emergency.


I can already see he’s being treated drastically different because of his lack of health insurance. I can’t help remembering what Chris Rock says about health insurance in his stand up act… “You better get some health insurance or you goin’ die!” At one point the surgeon came in to talk to him and said “surgery in the morning…” and in the same breath “what kind of work do you do?” So, instead of taking him in to surgery immediately when they know he’s in so much pain they can barely manage it by IV pain meds, they are making him wait until the morning to see if it goes away. That seems ludicris to me, and I’m sure one little laminated card with his name, and a blue cross shield on it would solve the whole thing. The Ex-boyfriend’s situation is further compounded since he is heavily medicated and has no one to advocate for him.


Times like these really make me think about getting married again, and following society’s rules. I know it sounds odd. It’s not romantic or sentimental, but I don’t want to die from lack of quality medical treatment lying on a gurney in a hallway surrounded by other poor bastards in the same predicament.


There is no easy answer. Yes you have got to get married to be on the the health insurance plan, but that doesn’t mean you can’t marry a close friend. Still, that will create problems in any romantic relationships you two might have in the future. I think an arrangement like that would only be temporary.


My current solution, and I would recommend this to all singles…


1. Keep some medical insurance! If your career or job doesn’t provide it, you can often get some bare bones, in case of emergency type coverage for a few hundred bucks a month. It ain’t cheap but it could save your life.


2. Put some serious effort into gathering a support system you. Not only will it help your state of mind, but if something terrible happens you won’t be all alone.


3. Stay close with your family, even if they are out of state. My Mother has come to my rescue more than once. You never know.


That still leaves me thinking, what about the mortgage? Having a partner at home would leave the possibility of someone else pullin’ some overtime to help pay the mortgage while I’m down… Guess I better get some AFLAC. UGH, more insurance! I don’t know if I can afford it, so maybe I’ll just continue taking that risk.


There are so many damn variables. People are messy and unpredictable. They often say one thing and do another. They think they know what they want, and verbalize it but it turns out something totally different draws them in like a magnet. There are no guarentees in life. It’s a crazy, upside down, messed up world, and I think we’re all just doing the best we can.


Published in: on September 29, 2011 at 9:00 am  Leave a Comment  
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