Isolation

b&w couchI’ve been such a hermit since I had that episode and missed five weeks of work and all. Well, now I’ve got some meds managing the anxiety pretty well and I feel like I am ready to re-enter the social world…. but what to do?

I am on this stupid graveyard shift and it is SO isolating. While I’m awake and working, the rest of the world is asleep– then I sleep away all the daylight hours. When I do wake up to get ready for work, I usually message with the Duke a bit… and today was a bit rough.

We are both in lonely places and wishing we were closer, but a myriad of circumstances prevents that. Still, sometimes he paints a picture of something like laying on a blanket in his arms under a tree… and I can’t help but picture it. Unfortunately, I think this just makes things harder. It was a lonely day today.

Thank God for my dog… I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have that fuzzy little love bug following me around to snuggle with me every second I’m home.

I miss the company of a man. I miss having strong arms around me and the strength in his personality. I miss touches, hugs, caresses and kisses. I miss companionship, talking for hours on end, and sex… boy do I miss sex.

I figured out today that I have gone for more than a year in my state of voluntary celibacy. I could break the pact. If I’m so in need of the company of a man and all that, there are places I could go and people I could see…. but I’m not just looking for someone. I’m looking for THE one.

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Published in: on March 21, 2013 at 9:00 am  Comments (9)  
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Communications Resume with The Ambassador

couchWell, he’s reappeared again… The Ambassador of Ambiguity. It’s been 10 months since he moved away and are things any different? I don’t know, but I’m different. I don’t feel scared to say what I really feel anymore and I’m committed to doing that on a regular basis. I have told him I love him and miss him and I don’t think we ever should have broken up in the first place.

He still hates it down in the city and misses our little town. His best buddy is still here… and me, of course.

He’s been flirtatious and sweet… and started making plans to drive the two hours up here and take me to dinner.

The first time he tried that, it seemed like every force in the universe was trying to prevent it. Both my kids stayed home sick, my babysitter bailed, and then it started snowing.

Where I live, when it snows, there is crash after crash, there are chains required, and freeways closed. So… the deal was off.

When he did make it in to town the next week and stopped by we had a terrific visit. I was lying around on the couch with a raging headache but I was glad to see him none the less. We sat together on the couch for a while… I laid my aching head in his lap. There were tons of lingering hugs, and he fixed the stereo he gave me so long ago.

We made loose plans for the next visit, and he started talking about a wedding he is going to and the subsequent vacation days he’ll be taking.

It was a fantastic visit. I went to work smiling like the Cheshire cat. I felt like “Ahh.. he’s my guy!”

Maybe I was just high on hugs. I don’t know, but we’ve been talking nearly every day since.

He sent me his vacation days and talked about going to the coast but didn’t out right invite me. We just sort of flirted back and forth about it. So, we shall see what comes of it, if anything.

I was pretty jazzed at first, but he seems quieter since that last conversation. I’m not holding my breath. I’m doing what I can to get well, and get my own life in order and take care of my great kids.

God is going to send the one who is meant for me… Maybe it’s The Ambassador, maybe it’s not. Just moving forward and doing my best to stay positive.

Published in: on March 19, 2013 at 9:00 am  Comments (3)  
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The Duke Has Been Deployed

deployed
It’s been about 2 and a half months now since The Duke climbed on to a military plane and flew halfway around the world for a year long deployment.

If you remember my earlier story about Duke, then you know that we met when we first joined the Marines and he was dating a friend of mine. Then he served a year in Japan where they had broken up and when he returned I went to see him. We had a pretty romantic night together, but minus the hanky panky.. Still one of the absolutely most memorable nights of my life.

Duke and I lost touch for a long time… about 15 years in fact. Then he found me on facebook and we started talking again and haven’t stopped since.

We were good friends back then and now fit back in to each other lives so naturally. We know each ohers core. We respect and care about each other and have managed to share all sorts of secrets honestly and without judgement.

We have been getting closer over this last year to year and a half… however long it has been, texting often and talking on the phone. We poured out our hearts and our tears and all our frustrations with daily life, as well as trying to balance our careers, and relationships.

In so many ways, he’s just what a man should be. Strong and passionate, romantic and protective and he’s crazy about me.

So, all this would be very exciting except that The Duke is married. I’ve been hearing since day one how things are miserable and terrible and awful at home but he hasn’t left her, has he?

We have been messaging pretty much every day and feeling as close as ever… In fact, today the conversation really turned romantic and I had to put the brakes on.

He wants to make a pact that when he returns from deployment, if I am not with anyone and he and the wife break up, we’ll be together. I am hesitant to make any kind of pact. I don’t want to be a factor in anyone’s marriage breaking up. A divorce is such a nightmare. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, and I have talked to the Duke about this. I don’t think he realizes how much he’s giving up. Not just financially but also in not having his every days with his son anymore.

Still, I have love for this man and have for a long time. We were always close friends, anytime we’ve been in each other’s lives but we are talking about a family here.

I do believe that sometimes a marriage becomes so bad, and one partner refuses to try to make the marriage any better– the only option left is to go your own way.

Still, once again, I don’t want to be a factor in that situation at all. If it all happened that way, of course I would give it a go with The Duke… but even that has it’s risks. I mean, even though we have been close emotionally, there are so many things he doesn’t know about me… Like I’m messy and really a homebody– while he is not. He has such a BIG life with his career and his non-profit organization and publicity events. My life is simple and small.

I don’t know that our lifestyles are compatible, not to mention I am not leaving this really small town, so he’d have to come here and there is no work. Of course he’ll be retired then with a decent pention, but his ex-wife would be drawing half of that, not to mention half of the rest of his assets.

Just things bouncing around in my head. For now that plan is to just keep talking… being friends… and to keep praying.

Published in: on March 14, 2013 at 9:00 am  Comments (7)  
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Loss of a Loyal Furry Friend

Wiggles

Wiggles

About 2 months ago, before I got sick… I lost one of my dearest friends. I’ve never been one to go overboard with pets like some. Spoiling them with ridiculous bling and carrying them around like accessories. I mean, come on!

I also don’t think people should adopt pets and then leave them alone trapped in the back yard or on a chain either. They are animals… but they are also members of the family. I guess I am kinda middle of the road on things like that.

I got my girl, Wiggles, just after my separation from the ex-husband. She was my friend and companion. I was really struggling living on my own half the time (when sharing custody), the first time not living with another adult human EVER.

Wiggles was my friend. She followed where ever I went. She was sweet and compliant… her only indulgence was chasing my cats and scaring the bejesus out of them. She was a smooth fox terrier and just had that pursuit gene wired in to her brain.

She especially enjoyed this pastime in the middle of the night. I can’t tell you how many nights I was startled awake and jumping out of bed to find her running like a maniac through my apartment. Took a little time to break her of that. In fact, she had to spend a few nights out in the yard to accomplish it.

She was a quiet little portly black and white smooth fox terrier with a heart-shaped black spot on her back. She was about 10 years old when we got her, and started out very timid when we met her at the shelter. Yet, as we loved on her and helped her feel more secure and comfortable, she warmed up.

She spent much time prancing around with red polish on her toe nails. She always walked like she was wearing high heels and her long nails clip clopped and sounded just like them.

When we brought our second dog in to the family… a Chihuahua-Doxie mix puppy, Wiggles really came alive. She mothered on him and played with him and seemed delighted to have a furry companion of her own. She stayed that way until just a couple of days before she died.

About 6 months ago, we had a scare in the middle of the night. We were sleeping in bed, and she started to get up and move around some. Then, in the darkness, I thought she had accidentally fallen off the bed. The sound was odd though. I didn’t hear her scramble to her feet, but I did hear an odd rhythmic sound. I jumped out of bed and saw my girl in a full on seizure. Thank God the kids weren’t home.

I did my best to comfort her. Afterward, she was dizzy and disoriented and I gave her loads of attention and put her to bed. The next day we visited the vet.

He ran all kinds of tests and determined that she was fine, but the seizure could have been caused by a slow-growing brain tumor. She had a couple other fatty tumors on her torso, so he thought it was a possibility. He also said it could have been just a fluke and she might never had another seizure again.

She never did have another seizure, but as time went on I thought I heard some labored breathing from time to time and then came the day when she woke up dizzy.

She was shaking her head and unsure about hopping off the bed in the morning. I was thinking she was getting old and started looking up possibilities that could cause it.

When I returned from work, she was more wobbly… in fact I had to help her out to the bathroom. Thats when I called to see about the vet… Still, before I could get her in she was gone.

It was a huge shock. In a couple of days she went from her fine and fun and playful self, to not being able to walk. That’s when I realized she wouldn’t make it through the night.

As I held her, I was sure the brain tumor had paralyzed her. She was awake and alert but her body was completely relaxed. She was always a funny sort, and never liked to be picked up or held. If you picked her up, she went all stiff and her legs shot straight out. Not today… Today she was like a newborn baby in my arms molding to my body.

I held her and rocked her. I cried desperately and told her what a good dog she was and what a wonderful friend and part of our family she had been. Then I laid her on her bed, and called for the kids from their Dads so they had a chance to say good-bye to her.

We cried and cried and petted her and slathered her with love… Wrapped her in our favorite softest blanket we had and told her all the wonderful things our hearts could hold.

I took the kids back to their fathers for the night and came home to be with my wonderful dear friend. I turned down the lights and laid on the couch watching her. Just a few minutes after I turned down the lights and the whole world got quiet, she vomited and I heard her agonal breathing start.

My soul was aching and I was sobbing and praying to God to take her fast… “If you are going to take her, God, please take her fast.” Then I stroked her and talked quietly to her until her spirit left her body. Then I sat and stared for the longest time, breathing in the silence.

Then I realized I needed to bury her. I felt all numb. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do without a partner. It was pouring down rain and she’d gone down hill so fast that I hadn’t planned where I would put her.

I considered calling my Pastor or another friend from church to help me but it was the middle of the night and they all have their own families to take care of… So, in my grief, I put on my rain coat and boots, marched out to her favorite spot in the back yard and just started to dig.

I was emotional to the point of vomiting but I managed to lay her to rest. I don’t know why I needed to go through all that alone, but I do know God was there with me… wetting the ground with the rain to make my task just a little lighter.

I love you Wiggles girl… You are sorely sorely missed.

Published in: on March 12, 2013 at 9:00 am  Comments (12)  
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Short Relationship Reads

As I have scrambled egg brains these days, due to the hormone hysteria my body is experiencing… I thought I’d share some of the interesting short reads I’ve come across online.

Here’s one about men and emotional intimacy…
http://powertochange.com/sex-love/menintimacy/

“With world population well over six billion, it seems strange to think anyone could be lonely” — a quote from this next article “Celebrating Love Without Limits”
http://powertochange.com/discover/sex-love/lovenolimit/

Living Single in a Marriage Minded society
http://powertochange.com/sex-love/live-single-marriage-minded/

How to Choose a Life Partner
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/how-be-grown/201202/how-choose-life-partner

Great Expectations: The Soul Mate Quest
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200403/great-expectations-the-soul-mate-quest

Happy surfing everyone!

Published in: on December 20, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (3)  
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***Under Pressure***

Balance your hormones, balance your life!

Balance your hormones, balance your life!

So, I am dealing with the standard holiday times stresses, worries about heating costs and shopping and wrapping gifts… only this year I get to do it while on a completly horrifying hormone highway to hell.

I had been noticing a few little things here and there… like not being able to focus. Remember my previous post talking about starting tasks and then not finishing them completely? Then all of sudden it hit me like surprise junk punch— I had the most insane crazed panic attack I’ve ever experienced when I was supposed to be headed to my daughter’s dance recital.

I called my therapist and had an emergency intervention. This was an incredibly powerful panic attack, and the first one I can ever remember where I was actually full on in tears.. wracked with sobs. We did a couple little excercises to try to burn off some of the excess energy flowing through my viens.. then burned up the rest of the time with me rattling off my syptoms. It was SO SO incredibly uncomfortable… I was just crawlin’ out of my skin. SUPER SONIC ANXIETY — The Heebee Jeebs, for sure! It was awful…

As my therapist watched me pacing, and crying– he suggested it might be a hormone issue. This later sparked conversation with my incredible shift partners at work and one of them lent me “Hormone Balance Made Simple” by Dr. John Lee.

It took me a couple days but I finally realized what was happening. In July I started a progesterone cream my Doc recommended but it was an enormous 200 mg dose. The book said that if you take an over dose of progesterone cream, you will initially start seeing an improvement in the symptoms… but then at some point that stops and it excacerbates your imbalance. THAT is what was happening to me!

The lack of concentration just got way worse… The anixety was absolutely intolerable… super sonic! This kind of panic must be what people feel when they go crazy inside a hospital ER knocking things over and screaming and eventually being tackled and given a stiff shot of Haldol! It feels like a crazed emergency in side your chest!

Luckily I had a few Xanax but they just were cutting it so I went back to my Physician Assistant to talk about getting some help. What a nightmare that was… If I had come in unkempt, they probably would have thought me to be a homeless unmedicated schitzophrenic. I paced through the waiting room, avoiding eye contact, rocking back and forth… I did let them know I was having incredibly high anxiety, but even knowiing that — I musta looked nuts!

He gave me another prescription for a little stronger chill pill… Then I finally heard back from the people at the hormone clinic who had prescriped the overdose, and they advised I stop taking the cream for a week… then start again at a half dose.

I think this will give my body time to burn off the excess progesterone and hopefully find some balance with the much smaller dose.

For now I am a droopy eyed, slightly sedated woman who can’t concentrate. I don’t mind feeling sedated considering the Heebee jeebies as an alternative. *shivers* So, now I have to catch up on my life in this state.

You see, it takes an awful lot of energy to be this anxious so I had been exhausted and unable to pry my ass off the couch to clean up the last couple weeks.

Second day off the progesterone I managed to get most of the cleaning done. Next day I worked a 12 hour shift and made a dent in Christmas shopping. Today I managed to finish all the main gift buying… Now just a couple details left to pick up.. plus some family pix and christmas cards.

I just keep putting one groggy foot in front of the other… but beware… if you see a tiny little pixie of a zombie coming towards you in Walmart, don’t shoot.. It’s only me.

Published in: on December 18, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (8)  
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Things That Give Me **Pause**

inner struggleSome of the things that gave me pause after reading my girlfriends Big Fat Christian Love Story was… First of all…  First and foremost…  what if it works?!!  *gasp*  Do I really want to get married again?  Truthfully, folks, I’m slightly terrified at the thought of it.

I think maybe that’s a bridge I’ll have to cross when I come to it.  Not only am I growing, healing and changing everyday but maybe I can’t know how I’ll feel once I am in that relationship.  I know how I want to feel… but maybe it’s just one of those things where you’ll know it when you see it.. or feel it in this case.

Next, I’ve always heard the phrase “you wouldn’t drive a car without test driving it first, would you?”  To marry someone without EVER having slept with that person seriously freaks me out.  Now, it wouldn’t be such a big deal if it were someone who I had previously played with but otherwise… errrr… ummm..  I don’t know about that.

Even my mother said “Take my advice, Dear…  NEVER wait til you’re married.”  lol…  Moms aren’t supposed to say that!

Next up… if “divorce is not an option”, then doesn’t that give someone kind of free license to walk all over you and treat you like crap?  Or ignore you and your needs or wants or requests, thinking “ahh, she’ll never leave.”  I hate that idea because there are a ton of things we can’t control in this life, like other people, but I can control me.  I may not be able to persuade him to stop drinking or gambling us in to the poor house, but I can choose to leave.  Now I’m supposed to give that up?  Just put up with anything he throws my way?

I have read some guy bloggers that talk about the three As.  The three As are the only time a divorce should be considered… They are abuse, addiction, and adultery.  I can’t quite get on board with that either though.  I think couples can work through anything (those things too) if there are two willing partners… but what isn’t willing?

What if one partner refuses to try to improve things?  What if you are miserable and he just doesn’t give a rat’s ass?  What if there is complete neglect?  Is that a form of abuse?  What if it feels like you live with a stranger because she’s a work-a-holic?  Does that count as an addiction?

What if she’s shopping you in to bankruptcy and homelessness?  What if she just keeps doing it, no matter how many cards you cut up or check books you take away?  You can’t chain her up in the basement.  What are you supposed to do?  What if it’s been going on for a decade and the shop-a-holic refuses to even discuss the issue?  After all, why should she?  You’ve already told her “divorce is not an option” so she just figures you’ll never leave anyway!

So, lets say we would count that as a shopping addiction…  Shopping is an addiction now?  Then where do we draw the line?  Welcome to my internal struggle.

*Sigh*  I guess maybe that’s part of trusting God… fully surrendering.   Hmmm..  maybe it’s not God I don’t trust though… it’s men.  Ooooh, that sounded bad but it is part of the therapy stuff I’m working through right now.  Wish me luck, blogger friends…. because I have a feeling that once I work through this particular area in therapy, I’ll have the answers to the questions here as well.

Published in: on December 9, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (4)  
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A Big Fat Christian Love Story

As I’ve been growing and growing and growing like crazy in my spiritual walk, I have decided I want to do the whole relationship thing a totally different way this time.  I want to do it God’s way… whatever that means.

For all my life I have watched people trying to do the dating, relationship and marriage thing the way the world does it…  and fail miserably at it, myself included.  In the people I know and love, I see more failing than succeeding.

So, I set about trying to figure out what that means.  I searched the bible and read and read about marriage and sex before marriage and all kinds of stuff related to that.  I found that often when I was googling questions I saw the same scripture verse recycled over and over again, interpreted to mean what they wanted it to mean.  I saw people with blog posts who were WAY too conservative to align with my beliefs.  I read a few that cause me to choke on my coffee and exclaim “that’s just ridiculous!” out loud.

In trying to settle my thoughts and beliefs on this issue, I realized…  I had no idea what a “christian” love story even looks like.. for me, I mean.  I’m no 20 year old girl raised by super holy rollers.  That I can visualize, but I am a 35 year old double divorcee!

The way our culture does relationships…  dating, sex, relationship, live together, engagement, marriage…  That I can picture.  I’ve seen it happen a thousand times over, but what is the alternative?

I asked a few people and didn’t get much help, although my girlfriend The Pastor’s Wife did offer a valuable tidbit.  “It has to be a Christian” she said… and boy is she right, because no one else is going to want to do this.  lol.

So far, what I do know is I want to remain celibate until marriage, and no living together in between.  These two things alone are pretty scary to me.  I realize it is shrinking my dating pool down significantly, but I don’t want to date a lot of people… just the right one.

Next thing you know I see a christian divorcee girlfriend of mine post on Facebook that she is getting remarried.  I trust her and she and I have been through a lot.  I’ve known her for years.  I’ve known her as my customer, my bank teller, my co-worker, my employee, my friend.  We have talked through marriage, emotional abuse, custody issues, leaving your husband, moving out-of-state.  I even gave her a shining reference for her new job in a new state after she chose to leave.

Since we had been through all this… I decided I could spray her with questions and not feel badly about it at all.

Her reply to me was this…

-Is he a christian? Yes he is. Though a new Christian. He has jumped right in and is volunteering and is there every time the doors are open.

-How did you meet him? I met him on an online dating site. Do I recommend? No.. but it does happen.

-Is there an age difference? I am 32 he is 35

-How long have you been together? 5 months. Crazy huh? But, we just knew it was meant to be! Plus we are older and know what we are looking for. It was each other!!

-At what point did you realize this was really working out and actually headed for marriage? About 2 months into it. He was really hesitant to even get with me and be in a relationship. Once he committed it flew from there.

-How did he propose? We just decided to get married. No one really proposed. We just knew we were meant to be together for the rest of our lives.

-Does this situation feel differently than the first time around? in what way?

-How do you know this time is going to be different from the first time? (this question always comes back to me when I think about getting married again one day. How on earth will I know I’m not signing up for the same kind of heartbreak and problems I had last time?)

I prayed one day “God I just want someone who fits in my life. I am a single mom that is very busy. I work a lot, I’m active in the boys school life, I’m active in church, I have no time for a relationship. If I am ever going to get married he has to fit.” I had no area of my life I wanted to cut out or slow down. So it was going to have to be a God thing for it to work. He came around and just “fit”. He was willing and even excited to be apart of the things I was doing.

When he met my family, he was the first guy since my ex-husband my family had met, they thought.. wow this must be serious… and I wasn’t even sure it was going to be at this point. But, they fell in love with him.

The next weekend I met his family, His mom has never liked anyone he brought home, she fell in love with me and told him “she is the best thing that has ever happened to you, don’t mess it up or hurt her” and we have been one super close family ever since.

Both our families LOVE each other.. my boys ADORE him.. Cadence, God found my missing puzzle piece.. and it was him. He just “fits”.

-How do I know it’s different? Because it’s God not me.. I don’t know what the future holds. I just know divorce is not an option. I am going to work harder and be a wife to him as if I’m doing it until the Lord. My attitude is different, my beliefs are different and my approach is different. The only way Brian and I will make it for the next 10000 years, is to put Jesus first. Period!

When I finally surrendered all hurts, jealousy, pain, bitterness, and most of all unforgiveness, of myself and others, God did a miracle in me. He gave me a new heart. A heart that feels, that cries, that is merciful, soft, and has grace. I have emotions I’ve never had before. I don’t have walls or a hard anything about me anymore. I am vulnerable and I love it. I have no problem saying “wow that really hurt”. I don’t have to be tough anymore. When someone hurts me I cry.. I tell them.. then I pray. I’m not a jerk anymore.

It’s too exhausting to keep yourself locked up and out of hurts reach. God has really shown me what it is like to be human.. and I love it. He shows me people through his eyes and it is amazing how different people are than how they portray themselves.

Soooo…  that’s it.  My girl’s big fat christian love story.  I can picture it now.  I was also struck because it sounds like she has gone through a lot of the same healing that I’ve been going through.  I understand getting my emotions back, and the crying… Oh, so much crying over the past few months!

Much to think about though.  A few of the things in her reply kind of gave me pause..  more to come!

Published in: on December 4, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (1)  
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Wedding Bells for Captain Amazing

Making plans, looking at rings…  He’s really doing it.  Captain Amazing is going to tie the knot with his Mz. Perfect.

When I texted the news to The Ambassador, he said “I thought they broke up”…  Well, they did.  Then got back together, then broke up then back together.  *sigh*  Well, you know what they say–   never give up on someone you can’t stop thinking about.

They were together for quite some time in the town they both grew up in.  They grew up in the same kind of atmosphere.. close families, affluent families.  They are both very active, very athletic.  Capt. Amazing told me he’ll never find anyone who’s a better match for her than him.

On that last point, to tell you the truth, I’m skeptical.  I’m not a big fan of Mz. Perfect but I see why he loves her.  Still, Capt. Amazing and I have been having some very serious, very deep conversations about this huge life decision.  He is absolutely one of the closest friends I’ve ever had throughout my life.  I love him and I know he is a responsible human… capable, bright, intelligent, talented… but I also love him enough to ask the hard questions.

I wish, when I was making big, life altering choices someone would have asked me “are you sure?”  I wish someone would have drawn me out and invited me to process my thoughts with them.

I was so happy to be able to have this conversation with him without obsessing over how I was saying it or whether I should say anything.  I just said it, but I know my friendship with Capt. Amazing is definitely a safe one.  I was proud of that…  I think it’s a sign of my growth.

I also found that Capt. Amazing’s news was bringing up some questions of my own that I wrestle with…

For instance, he and Mz. Perfect will not be having a wedding… no extravagant affair… in fact, almost no affair at all.  Since, it’s not the first marriage for either of them, they plan to go to the courthouse and get ‘er done.

My own issues with this bubbled to the surface.  “It’s a big deal,” I said “it should feel like a big deal.”  So, how do you create that sort of feeling, but without 200 guests and many many dollars spent on flowers, and invitations, and all the like?

They are also planning to get married within a month of the time they become officially engaged.  Now, he has known this woman for about 2 years, so…  In that case, as long as you have known each other a long enough time, how long should an engagement last?

Is it true that…  We are older now.  We know what we want…  so there’s no need to wait so long?

I’m not asking for cultural norms here or anything.  I just find myself thinking “how do I feel about that?”  What is my stance on that kind of situation, if it were me?

Maybe it doesn’t matter.  Maybe it’s different for every couple, but frankly, I’m a little surprised that I’m not really sure how I feel about it.  Hmmm….

Above all, mighty congratulations to the happy couple.  🙂  Love and luck!

-Cadence

Published in: on December 2, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (2)  
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Wild at Heart

Wild at Heart:  Discovering the secret of Man’s soul by John Eldredge.  This book is the sort of male counterpart to Captivating (which I covered in my last post).  Also a life changing book.  I wish every man I know would read this book.  I found it so incredibly insightful, and empowering.  AND–  Ladies, if you want to understand your man… or your father or your sons… check this out.

I read this book once, then the woman’s version Captivating and I am seriously thinking about going to one of the retreats they offer.  I have no doubt it would be an incredibly healing experience, but I am leary of thrusing myself in to such an emotionally intense situation with a bunch of strangers.  I do, however, intend to read both these books again and journal my way through the Captivating workbook.

Everything made so much sense to me in understanding a man’s drive for adventure, but also the withdrawal and passivity I have seen in men I’ve loved.  Amazing book!  I gained, not just a whole new understanding of the male gender but also a whole new RESPECT.  Here’s Amazon’s description:

Every man was once a boy.  And every little has dreams, big dreams,  dreams of being the hero, of beating the bad guys, of doing daring feats and rescuing the damsel in distress. Every little girl has dreams, too: of being rescued by her prince and swept up into a great adventure, knowing that she is the beauty.

But what happens to those dreams when we grow up? Walk into most churches, have a look around, and ask yourself: What is a Christian man?  Without listening to what is said, look at what you find there. Most Christian men are . . . bored.

John Eldredge revises and updates his best-selling, renowned Christian classic, Wild at Heart, and in it invites men to recover their masculine heart, defined in the image of a passionate God. And he invites women to discover the secret of a man’s soul and to delight in the strength and wildness men were created to offer.  John Eldredge is the director of Ransomed Heart Ministries.

Published in: on November 29, 2012 at 9:00 am  Leave a Comment  
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