The Peacock

I saw a young couple walking in the park hand in hand and I thought, when did men become so spoiled that generally they can’t appreciate holding hands with a pretty girl? This boy was clearly content and happy walking with his girlfriend. It’s not even that they can’t appreciate holding hands with a girl, but that often times they don’t even want that, and to use the world girlfriend… LOOK OUT! Use that word and you might just see smoke as he’s runnin’ for the door.

I thought about what it was like being a teenager and dating. Oh ladies, weren’t we experts at doling out our affection (as Sherry Argov puts it) one ju jubee  at a time? For me, I was also in a state of mind of thinking about what was right for me. My high school sweetheart had a little experience under his belt and was NOT happy about waiting, but waiting he did– for a year! I was still a virgin and if he would have thought about breaking up with me just because I wouldn’t have sex with him, I’d have been terribly offended and written him off completely. I also weighed the weight of the issue, thinking about the consequences of possibly getting pregnant or contracting an STD and determining what was right for me. It’s not like that anymore in the world of dating. Often times you’ll find women asking the question “if I don’t give it up, won’t he just find it somewhere else?”

At what point did we go from being offended that a boy would be so crass and shallow to in essence asking “what’s wrong with me?” Honey, if you have to give it up to keep him around, then why do you want him around in the first place?

I also wonder why men chase so hard the way they do. Guys, if you are just looking to get laid for God sakes go down to the bar and take someone home. There are plenty of girls looking for that same thing, and when you go home with someone you met at the bar… isn’t it implied that it’s just a one night stand?

But NO… Take for instance my girlfriend Ms. Ready and Real. Now, Ms. Real is ravishing, smart and successful with a raunchy sense of humor. As she started to see the light with her lying, cheating, getting frickin’ arrested boyfriend, I turned her on to Plenty of Fish. She met some guys, of course, because that site stinkin’ works.

One guy she had been talking to for months… We’ll call him The Peacock. He’s a successful businessman that is all about appearances. He owns a red corvette, a silver porsche, and a house that is always kept impeccable. He works out and puts a lot of time and effort in to keeping up these appearances. Right from the start Ms. Incredible was suspicious of this. She told him many times that she just didn’t think she was his type. She’s no Barbie doll, she’s a real woman with a full life, a career and loads of life experience. She’s concerned with what really matters in life, like taking care of her ailing mother and raising her teenage daughters. Trivial appearances mean nothing to her. Still, The Peacock kept coming around and she was drawn to him. For what ever reason, they have mad chemistry.

They talked, emailed, and text messaged for probably 6 months. She had the opportunity to see him one time, they had a fantastic make out and then she hadn’t seen him again for quite a while.

Finally, she gets a chance to take a break from her incredibly busy life and plans a weekend away with him. They live hundreds of miles apart so they agreed that they would meet in the middle, stay in a hotel and spend the weekend together.

Ms. Real puts herself together. She’s a dramatic dresser and loves fashion. She gets her hair up. Her daughter puts a flower in it to match her new dress. She’s primped, with make up perfect and everything in place. She slides on her brand new, very chic glasses and heads out.

When she finally arrives, she stands outside his hotel room door with her heart thumping, feeling a little nervous and remembering the chemistry they had the one time she had seen him in person.

She knocks and he swings open the door. Immediately he grabs for her glasses like a barbarian. (and I don’t mean a hott sexy barbarian). He grabs the right on the lenses and tears them off her face and snarls “Ew, take those glasses off, take your hair down. You look better with your hair down.” Now, Ms. Real is a no-nonsense bitch, however I think she was so taken aback that she simply lost her footing and stood there with her mouth wide open.

He starts in hot and heavy right away. Ms. Real has no problem with this as she is a passionate woman and has been getting to know him long distance for quite some time. Afterwards, she freshens up and asks where they’ll be going to dinner.

Suddenly, it was as though all effort STOPPED. He groaned and said he was tired and was going to take a little nap. It was 7:30pm, and he’d been up since 3:30am so she was fine with that, but then hours and hours go by and he’s still sleeping. He rolls over at one point and says, if you’re going to get food, bring a pepperoni pizza back.

She’s absolutely in shock, and NOT about to run out and get him a God damned pizza! So she waits. She makes the best of things that evening, which isn’t easy since the selfish bastard is sprawled out all over the bed. It’s a really long drive back home and after all she is a woman, so she’s hopeful. Maybe tomorrow will be better. He’s tired.

The next day was no better at all. The Peacock continued to be a complete ass, revealing his selfish arrogance all over the place. He informed her that he had plans with his buddies and would be taking off soon. She was once again flabbergasted. Not only did he not even buy her dinner, but no plans for breakfast, or any type of time spent together. She thought they would be spending the day together. I guess NOT.

As they stood looking in the mirror getting ready for the day, he suddenly thrust his arm out in front of her.

She looked at him like “excuuuse me?” He replies, and not too politely I might add, “roll up my sleeves.”


“Ya, roll up my sleeve. Give it two turns.”

Ms. Real had absolutely had it. She walked away, grabbed her bag and was out the door before he even had a chance to roll up his own fucking sleeves– never to be seen again. Not by that asshole anyway!

I think this guy was drawn in by the challenge. She didn’t want him, and so he had to convince her. With no respect for her (or people in general, I suspect), and zero consideration for her time or her feelings… He marched ahead like it was some kind of sporting competition.

Why do men do this? See, in cases like this we can’t blame women for giving themselves over too quickly. I think 6 months is more than adequate to be considered holding out, and still he was a complete jack off.

Ms. Real and some of our other girls had some laughs over this. Just the thought of him being so ridiculously inconsiderate and rude was shocking… Ya, we laughed but I know that one had to sting. I’m sure she wishes she’d have turned and walked out the door the minute he went for her glasses. Instead, Ms. Real most certainly had to use some of her precious overbooked time pulling herself together before she could share that little story.

I don’t think I’ll ever understand completely why men do the things they do. I mean, what the hell was he thinking.

All I can say (and this is coming from my own personal experience as well) BEWARE the man who comes on STRONG with the sexuality right from the beginning. Chances are… at least in every case I have seen.. He’s only lookin’ to get laid. Doesn’t matter how much time and effort he has to put in, THAT is his goal… simple as that. So, if you’re going to sleep with him. If you JUST CAN’T RESIST. I say at least do it early, and save yourself some time… because it seems to me, like with The Peacock, the outcome will be the same whether it’s the second date, or 6 months down the road.

The truth is, we are all watching our moves and trying to control something that is uncontrollable. Relationships are tricky business and there are an awful lot of factors that have to come together and mesh for things to work out… Where your head is, where his head is, chemistry between the two of you, intellectual stimulation, physical attraction, some level of friendship (among other things). It’s a wonder people come together at all… but they do because it’s a little bit of magic. There’s a little bit of magic there that just can’t be explained. There had to be for all those factors to come together… and when the magic is there, in the words of Evan Marc Katz “all the rules go out the window”.

Published in: on September 6, 2011 at 9:00 am  Comments (2)