Scrambled Egg Brains Persist

At this point all my projects are completely on hold. My brain is so foggy and it’s so impossible to concentrate, I can’t read or write the blog or do my “Captivating” workbook.

In the last post I mentioned a Super Charged Panic Attack… The worst I’ve ever had, well… I had another about a week later that put that one to shame, and this one happened AT WORK. That freaked me the hell out. I mean, I work emergency situations. I’m manning the radio one minute and the next minute I’m screaming at the Supervisor to take over. My stomach was freaking out and I ran in to the bathroom. In addition to my bowel chaos, I was experiencing the most horrific panic attack I could possibly imagine.

Even with meds for my stomach and to chill me out, it took me like an hour and a half just to calm down enough to leave work to go home sick. Luckily, we were staffed that day, but there are plenty of other days when that’s not the case and there’s no supervisor on duty to yell at.

Even the next day I was shaking and feeling awful, so I called in to work. I got it in to my head that maybe my heart was causing the problems, so I went to see the Doc again. They found nothing abnormal. Big surprise, since I had to take plenty of chill pill meds just to be able to get myself to go over there in there first place.

I was just so distraught… scared. Frustrated. I’ve been going to the walk in clinic here in our little town for years… I mean, I rarely get sick and so had no reason to find myself a regular doctor. Now, I’m trying to find one, or get in the OBGYN I haven’t seen in years and years… all I keep hearing is 3 or 4 weeks.

My therapist was going to call the internist and try to get me in earlier, but when I called to chat with him about it, we kind of got in to an argument. I started to become really upset trying to explain the frustration I was feeling in trying to book myself an appointment and he actually says “I need you to use your adult voice”.

I was so angry and offended. How condescending is that? AND with all the hormonal and whatever other possibly thyroid or adrenal issues I’ve grappling with — that’s like demanding that a diabetic STOP his glucose from rising. I was pissed.

The whole thing ended badly and I called my Mom. She, of course, just told me she understands. She’s been through something similar. She loves me and everything will be ok.

After being able to get my emotions out, I could finally take a breath and try to make a plan about what to do.

Right now… my life just feels like an enormous anxious mess.

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Published in: on December 27, 2012 at 5:48 pm  Comments (7)  
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***Under Pressure***

Balance your hormones, balance your life!

Balance your hormones, balance your life!

So, I am dealing with the standard holiday times stresses, worries about heating costs and shopping and wrapping gifts… only this year I get to do it while on a completly horrifying hormone highway to hell.

I had been noticing a few little things here and there… like not being able to focus. Remember my previous post talking about starting tasks and then not finishing them completely? Then all of sudden it hit me like surprise junk punch— I had the most insane crazed panic attack I’ve ever experienced when I was supposed to be headed to my daughter’s dance recital.

I called my therapist and had an emergency intervention. This was an incredibly powerful panic attack, and the first one I can ever remember where I was actually full on in tears.. wracked with sobs. We did a couple little excercises to try to burn off some of the excess energy flowing through my viens.. then burned up the rest of the time with me rattling off my syptoms. It was SO SO incredibly uncomfortable… I was just crawlin’ out of my skin. SUPER SONIC ANXIETY — The Heebee Jeebs, for sure! It was awful…

As my therapist watched me pacing, and crying– he suggested it might be a hormone issue. This later sparked conversation with my incredible shift partners at work and one of them lent me “Hormone Balance Made Simple” by Dr. John Lee.

It took me a couple days but I finally realized what was happening. In July I started a progesterone cream my Doc recommended but it was an enormous 200 mg dose. The book said that if you take an over dose of progesterone cream, you will initially start seeing an improvement in the symptoms… but then at some point that stops and it excacerbates your imbalance. THAT is what was happening to me!

The lack of concentration just got way worse… The anixety was absolutely intolerable… super sonic! This kind of panic must be what people feel when they go crazy inside a hospital ER knocking things over and screaming and eventually being tackled and given a stiff shot of Haldol! It feels like a crazed emergency in side your chest!

Luckily I had a few Xanax but they just were cutting it so I went back to my Physician Assistant to talk about getting some help. What a nightmare that was… If I had come in unkempt, they probably would have thought me to be a homeless unmedicated schitzophrenic. I paced through the waiting room, avoiding eye contact, rocking back and forth… I did let them know I was having incredibly high anxiety, but even knowiing that — I musta looked nuts!

He gave me another prescription for a little stronger chill pill… Then I finally heard back from the people at the hormone clinic who had prescriped the overdose, and they advised I stop taking the cream for a week… then start again at a half dose.

I think this will give my body time to burn off the excess progesterone and hopefully find some balance with the much smaller dose.

For now I am a droopy eyed, slightly sedated woman who can’t concentrate. I don’t mind feeling sedated considering the Heebee jeebies as an alternative. *shivers* So, now I have to catch up on my life in this state.

You see, it takes an awful lot of energy to be this anxious so I had been exhausted and unable to pry my ass off the couch to clean up the last couple weeks.

Second day off the progesterone I managed to get most of the cleaning done. Next day I worked a 12 hour shift and made a dent in Christmas shopping. Today I managed to finish all the main gift buying… Now just a couple details left to pick up.. plus some family pix and christmas cards.

I just keep putting one groggy foot in front of the other… but beware… if you see a tiny little pixie of a zombie coming towards you in Walmart, don’t shoot.. It’s only me.

Published in: on December 18, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (8)  
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