The Dangers of Driving Too Fast

The Ambassador and I were having a discussion the other day about the dangers of moving too fast in relationships, as he and I have both done in the past. He has also expressed to me before how guys can be so incredibly visual, that when he sees a beautiful girl, his first instinct can be as strong as —not just “I want her” but “I would give up everything I have…” (I laughed… honestly, sometimes boys can be so easily distracted — “Hey looook, it’s shiny… me want. Me want!”)

In the past, he’s moved with this first instinct, and before you know it found himself in a whole heap of trouble… Realizing, she’s really not a very nice person.

Today I caught the movie “The Heartbreak Kid” with Ben Still. Not only is it hilarious, but also quite a commentary on how manipulative and misleading people can be— AND the dangers of driving too fast in relationships.

Ben Stiller’s charachter, Eddie, meets a beautiful blonde and spends a few months with her doing all the dating type things in the dating montage… Eddie, of course, is falling madly in love with this girl when all of a sudden she pipes up with some job offer in Holland— and of course the magical solution is that they get married.

Poor poor Eddie… Thinking he has met the perfect woman, he proposes and they get married. Next thing you know, he’s off on this incredibly expensive honeymoon with a woman that is doing nothing but irritate the shit out of him. Then, thinking it’s a light through the clouds, she suggests they stop, get a room and make love… but as it turns out– the sex is sort of insane, and NOT in a good way. That’s just the tip of the iceburg.

Before you know it, Eddie is finding out it’s all a lie. She’s not some oceanic researcher– she’s a volunteer! Not only does she NOT have an income to pay off her some $26,000 in debt (which she just now mentioned) but she also had a prior cocaine addiction and some crazy ass ex-boyfriends.

Oh, boys and girls, it doesn’t stop there. Ooooh no… Turns out Eddie’s perfect woman doesn’t even know his full name, and seems to have the intellect of a 5 year old. Although he warns her to apply sun screen… NOPE, like an irrational child, instead she slathers on the baby oil and gets burned to a crisp— then blames HIM! unnnnnreal.

Oh, the dangers of moving too fast… And of course, it doesn’t end there. As luck would have it, he meets an incredible girl while the wife is holed up, skin fried to a crisp in the honeymoon suite…
Possibly the worst aspect of all of this, which is also seen in the movie, is that the cycle can be addictive…

Now, of course, this was only a movie—- The frustrations humorous to the viewers but if you were actually the one walking in those shoes… It would be nothing less than devastating.

In the past when I am moved too quickly, it seems that in the blink of an eye– I am fully involved and trying to blink away the Jerry Springer situation now in action in front of me. bsorbing all the hurt flung at me.

For The Ambassador, it has been similar but more often he found himself looking at the person thinking “Wow, she’s not very nice, but I’m in it now…. ooook.” Then he finds himself floating in the meanness for whatever reason, until he steels his resolve and walks away. With who knows how much damage incurred in the meantime.

Possibly THE most important thing I’ve learned at this stage in the game is– CHARACHTER. It’s all about charachter. Not only is it crucial to have a partner of good charachter… understanding, and consideration but also strength– because we all have temptations.
So, although things with The Ambassador has moved -painfully- slow… I’m sooo glad for it.

Published in: on February 12, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (2)  
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Seeking INSTANT Relationship, Please Apply With In

How do ya like my new motto?

My match profile has gathered some interesting charachters over the last couple of days.

I find it odd that it seems to be recruiting men who seem to have a hole in their life and seek to fill it with an attractive creature of the oposite sex… possibly ANY attractive creature of the oposite sex.

All the “going slow” stuff over the last few months was good for me in some ways. It reminded me how fulfilling it is to really know someone.

The men that have been emailing me from match seem to have forgotten that. They are coming on too strong and too fast. That gives a girl the feeling that he is not so much infatuated with HER, as he is with the idea of having a woman in his life.

First there was the older man who lives 150 miles away. We’ll call him The Walker… because it seemed like every time he messaged me, he had just returned from walking his dogs.

The stupid instant messaging isn’t working, so The Walker wants to start text messaging right away. I mulled it over and figured if I met him in a supermarket or something I’d hand out my phone number… so I gave it to him.

He instantly started texting me and saying things like “I wish you were here” and “You’re so cute. We’d make a great couple.”

I found myself just staring at the phone in shock and confusion. How does one reply to that? He’s never met me, or seen me in person. He doesn’t even know me.

Maybe he’s reading Social Kenny’s blog and trying to go as fast as he possibly can.

I love what Kenny had to say in this post, but you have to move at atleast an appropriate speed, otherwise it comes off like it doesn’t matter who is on the other end of the flirtation. Like “I’m not special.. I just happened to be the only one in front of him at the moment.”

I don’t know what The Walker was thinking, but when I piped up about it, he disappeared. Hey… fine with me.

Next there was the Leo in San Jose, also a much older man. He’s doing the same damn thing! Says his life is perfect, but missing a good woman. Saying things like “I can’t stop thinking about you.” We have never even talked on the phone! You don’t KNOW me.

He also said something about me having two great kids. How the hell does he know? My kids could be screaming mee-mees, or VERY difficult high needs children. They aren’t. They are phenominal humans, but he doesn’t know that.

Plus… a word of advice here guys… don’t express too much interest in a woman’s children, it’s creepy.

The only difference between this guy and The Walker is that when I mentioned the speed at which he was traveling to The Leo, he ratcheted it down, and kept emailing.

I get that people want to move fast. Believe me, I want what I want, and I want it now too— but I want a man, a partner, a substantial person– not just a stand in that I don’t know anything about.

Now that’s not all I’ve been running in to. I did talk on the phone with one guy, who is closer to my age and doesn’t seem to be seeking instant relationship gratification. He’s SO different though. He wasn’t funny, light hearted, and flirtatious like I am. He wasn’t engaging.

I don’t know that we have anything in common really. He has no military background or anything– The conversation just really didn’t flow.

I’m shuttin’ down the match profile too. I’m so burnt out on the online thing.

There is one guy I’m talking to and having a great time with…. I sort of came by him by chance… or by luck or by fate.

At this point, I think he’s got an idea of who I am and seems to actually know what he is doing.

He gets me giggling, and the conversation is good… When we first talked on the phone, I felt like I was chatting up an old friend.

Great looking, charismatic and chalk full of charm. Of course, as luck would have it, he’s crazy far away.

You know what though? At this point I’m having too much fun to care! So, I’ll keep talking to Mr. Charisma and living my life. We’ll see what the universe sends my way.

Is “Going Slow” the Key?

let's make it last

We stood in front of the fireplace holding hands. The dry warmth rolled over our bodies and we talked and looked in to each others eyes.

He was trying to explain WHY he wants to go so horribly slow… He said many things I’ve have heard him say before. The line that stood out the most for me was “I’m tired of people being seasons in my life.” The Ambassador is absolutely convinced that going slow is the key to making a relationship last. Maybe that’s just what resonates with him. Maybe it’s what his heart needs.

I loved this line… LOVED it. What a terrific description. I don’t know how much difference going sloooooooooooooow is going to make. I mean, if it’s not going to work, then it’s not going to work.
I told him that too. I told him I believe you can miss a window with someone very easily. I told him, at some point, if you’re still not feeling it then you never will.. and last I said I can hang for a while.

I want him to lead us, but beware because I’m struggling with it and I don’t want to get to a place where my feelings shut off. I don’t know when that will be, but eventually once I’ve been so incredibly frustrated (this push pull bullshit is killing me) time and time again… It WILL shut off… in an instant.

What do you think readers? Is taking it slooooooow (not just physically but emotionally as well– not letting the person in) only delaying the inevitable (whatever that may be)? OR is it the key to making a relationship last?

Published in: on January 8, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (9)  
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