Let’s Make a Plan

Sensual Cellibacy by Donna Marie Williams

So, the Sensual Cellibacy book came.  I zipped right through it in about day.   It was good.. The author took a pretty moderate approach in writing the book.  It wasn’t  religious or scientific really… and best of all, it approached the topic of cellibacy from a standpoint that encourages the reader to decided what is right for them.

The book talked about a period of cellibacy being a time to focus your energies on your goals, etc.  It helps the reader make cellibacy more manageable by giving direction in how to re-focus your energies and gain a new perspective.

I had already been pulling projects together, and plotting goals.  The truth is, my heart is thankful for the break.  I can breath a sigh of relief to be staring down a break from trying to manage dating sights, or schedule coffee dates, or having my hopes grow, only to be dashed not much later.  I could use some rest.

In fact, in this begining phase of my crazy little experiment, I’m not going to be dating at all.  Until I get to a place where I can look at dating in a playful positive light again, I’m on a break.

There were many wonderful things to absorb in the book.  The author talks a lot about the power of our sexuality, and how as women, not only are we recieving a man physically but also recieving and retaining his energy as well.

For me, that’s very true…  I’m certainly an “earthy woman” like she describes in her book.  I crave that physical touch..  The soulful intertwining of bare bodies, breathing in synchronicity… tongue tied and twisted..  but I’m tired of sharing that intimacy with men who I know in my heart are unavailable.

Here are some quotes from the book:

To me, sex meant I would be recieving his essence in to my body and spirit.

Sex deepens the relationship only if true intimacy has already been achieved.

As much as possible I infuse sensuality into every aspect of my life, from the clothes I wear to the sheets I sleep in.  Even my prayers are romantic and passionate.

Women and men practicing sensual cellibacy have the golden oppotunity to get to know each other on deeper, more meaningful levels.

Relationships don’t work if each partner is thinking of self and is being stingy with self.

The pursuit of a relationship, or the attempt to try and keep one, can cause great anxiety.

We must learn to fearlessly confront uncomfortable emotions.

In talking, we heal.

Sensual Cellibacy helped me shore up and organize some of my thoughts and goals…  I didn’t originally know how long I wanted to take on this whole cellibacy thing..  but now I’m thinking at least 6 months.  I’ve got some things I need to take care of (resolve my anxiety disorder, get real estate license, finish writing my book, etc) and I don’t need the distractions from dating or other sexy entanglements.

Once I get through some of these tasks, and when my heart feels ready, I’ll start dating again, but even then–  I intend to hold out on doing the deed until I’m in a relationship where there is caring, cooperation, and committment.

Once I get out there again, I’m sure dating is going to be tricky with that plan in mind but I can handle it.  If dude disappears when he hears he’ll have to hold out then I guess it wasn’t meant to be.

So—  that’s the cellibacy plan for now.  I’ll keep you posted.  🙂

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Published in: on July 24, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (7)  
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An Awkward Talk

“The Hunky Mechanic came by the other day.  I was coming home from the grocery store, and he helped me bring the bags in to the house.  I’d been wanting to talk to him, and let him know that I’m over the reclusive stage I’d been going through.

I was feeling light hearted and confident… tossing little jokes his direction, teasing with him but The Mechanic seemed to be in a fairly serious mood.

We chatted easily and I told him “no strings attached” is definitely not what I want.  I told him I want to go slow, and establish a solid emotional foundation in a relationship first.

I suggested we hang out together, play together or maybe even take on some kind of home project together…  like the second bathroom at his house.  He started re-doing it years ago and stalled.

I don’t think I really got to know him when we dated before and I guarantee he didn’t get to know me all that well.  There were a lot of things I kept to myself, and he didn’t seem all that interested anyway.  Things seem to be smooth, with both of us keeping the peace — and maybe he was happy with that.

The Mechanic, true to form, didn’t like any of my ideas and suggested we take his dirtbike out in to the woods and shoot some guns.  I passed…  He knows these woods from hunting them all his life, but I don’t know the woods.  I’m cool if it’s camping and I am we are tethered to a home base, but I don’t want to go driving around randomly in the woods.

When I said that, the room went dead silent and he just stared at me.  I’m not sure why he seemed so surprised but he changed the subject after that.

Eventually we got around to talking about the whole cellibacy thing.  He was , of course, skeptical since he remembers that I totatlly wore him out.  I had that man begging for mercy!  lol.  He said “How are you going to do that, because as I remember…”

I told him I’m surprised too but this is really what my soul is craving right now.  Then he tried bargaining… saying “how about like ‘if it happens, it happens’?”

“No” I said “I’m not even going to put myself in positions where it could just happen.”

People, I know myself well enough to know that if I do that–  it will happen.  I want to take sex out of the equation, at least for a while.  I don’t know how long it’s going to be but I want that solid emotional foundation, damn it!  And I’m going to made decisions to support that goal.

We chatted for a while about the racetrack and what was happening there… and then the conversation changed course and I started talking about my writing.  Instantly, I saw that shut off switch in his eyes.  — I called him out on it.

“You stopped listening” I said.  He didn’t reply for a moment, and then “yeah, I get it…” and regurgitated my words back to me with complete disinterest.  “See, you aren’t interested in this stuff” I said rather matter of fact.

Very soon after that, he made his escape… and I haven’t heard from him since.  He didn’t even say anything about it.  He just disappeared.  All I can do is shake my head.

That’s fine with me.  I always had this feeling that he wasn’t interested in me specifically but just in having a woman by his side that wouldn’t be a hassle.  No thanks… I don’t need that job.

Published in: on July 22, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (7)  
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