Think Like a Man

  I caught the movie “Think Like a Man” on Pay-per-view this weekend, and what do you know, it was really good…  Of course, I love romantic comedies so maybe my opinion is a little biased.

Still, I think the character developement was very good…  I’m totally in love with The Dreamer.  This movie explored all kinds of different men, women and relationships and I know people just like this.

It got me thinking about something my therapist said the other day…  He said in the 50s and 60s there were some very hard and fast rules about dating and courtship.  Still, this didn’t make people happy necessarily, so the pendulum swung during the late 60s and 70s to the whole free love culture.  Then there was the 80s… ya know, the ME generation.

He said now what we have is essential no rules when it comes to dating.  People are out there just workin’ the trial and error, if you ask me.  Women seem to be giving up their power in droves, as they give up “the cookie” WAY too fast and end up not getting the respect they deserve.

It even sounds to me like women are becoming more and more sexually aggressive, so not only are they giving up the card we have historically held (ie:  Men hold the committment card, women hold the sex card) but they are also training men to expect that sort of behavior.

Steve Harvey has a terrific take on this stating that it has created all different kinds of men on the dating scene.  I agree.  He covers all that, and essentially gives women a playbook in his book “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.”

I found the book when my unhappily single sister recommended it to me.  She gave me access to her Droid ebook reader account and I read it.  I zipped through it super fast and found it quite helpful… In fact, I’ll be buying it in print, and putting it in to play when I start dating again.

 

Tons of great information including some of these quotes:

Don’t hate the player, change the game.

If you are her man, she will walk on water and through a mountain for you, too, no matter how you’ve acted out, no matter what crazy thing you’ve done, no matter the time or demand.

Because that fear can trip you up every time; all too many of you let the guy get away with disrespecting you, putting in minimal effort and holding on to the commitment to you because you’re afraid he’s going to walk away and you’ll be alone again. And we men? We recognize this and play on it, big time.

Your objective is to avoid being a woman on a string.

Men respect standards.  Get some!

Without a doubt, there is much wisdom here and given with a positive encouraging approach.  Definitely worth a read… and if it matters to you, it even made it in to Oprah’s book club.

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Published in: on September 18, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (8)  
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Calling in “The One”

In the wake of all this Ambassador business, I have started what I’m calling a personal growth project.  I bought a book called Calling In “The One”:  7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life. by Katherine Woodward Thomas.  She featured the following quote at the top of one of her chapters, and so far to me it aptly describes her program.

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all of the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.  –A Course in Miracles

So far, I have moved through 13 “lessons” out of the 49 in the book.  The activities suggested are meditations (if you have a hard time sitting still like that, the author talks about a walking meditation too), lots of journaling, going through your day with awareness of a particular topic and the occasional project…  The collage has been my total favorite.

This course is no foolin’ around kind of self-help.  It’s therapy printed between two covers and a spine.  I have done my chair of personal growth with the help of licensed therapists, etc and I’m telling you– this book is GOOD.  It’s a hell of a lot better than several of the counselors I’ve worked with!

In my opinion a therapist has two main purposes… The first is to let you talk it out.  The second is to guide you toward healing.  That means directing you towards books & activities that will be helpful, and making sure you are asking yourself the right questions.  This book covers the last two very well, and I’m leaning on The Sultry School Teacher for the talking things out.

I have worked with professionals long enough to know what kind of therapy really resonates with me.  For me, even during meditation, I need to speak things out loud.  For me, that is the required activity in order for my head to make a connection with my heart.  So… I’ve been workin’ it.

The book has sent me straight in to sorting out and resolving issues related to my parents, as well as my past relationships.  It’s covered unconscious agreements with yourself and others…  Awareness really is the first step in change.  Once you become aware of an issue or a problem, you can then take action to change it.

It’s been tough.  I have uncovered some issues I didn’t realize I had.  I started with asking myself why I continue to attract unavailable men…  I have come to the conclusion that I have fears, so I am attracting fear.

You see, I remember when my Mom was divorced and dating.  She didn’t date much, really.  She dove head first in to one marriage after another.  I even remember saying “It’s always better when it’s just US, Mom.”  My Mom’s pattern looked something like this…  Meet a controlling type & dive in—>  Begin deferring to him on pretty much everything—>  Fail to protect my sisters and I from abuse the man was doling out—>  finally decide she’s had enough—>  Bail & move us back in with her mother.

My mother changed when in a relationship.  She became this weak-willed woman who put up with too much and didn’t protect her kids.  I don’t want to be that girl…. and I think there was a very real fear inside of me about that.   I did some serious work on it.  The truth is, I am -NOT- my mother.  She dragged us from one bad situation to the next, never stopping to figure out why it was happening or what she could do to make it better.   That’s SO not me.

I also worked on some unconscious agreements I have had with myself and previous partners.  Apparently, I have cast myself in the role of relationship work horse.  I have repeatedly been in relationships with a total imbalance of energy.  I give too much and don’t expect enough in return.

So, those are some of the things I’ve been working through.  It has left me with a perpetual emotional hangover.  Some days, I do feel excited.  I realize I am becoming aware of things affecting me and I’m making change… but mostly I feel hazy and hung over.

I’d love to charge through it and get it done, but I just can’t.  It’s exhausting.  It’s so much to absorb and I need time to marinate… but I can see it working.  It feels like a seed that’s starting to sprout.

Published in: on April 8, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (12)  
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