Short Relationship Reads

As I have scrambled egg brains these days, due to the hormone hysteria my body is experiencing… I thought I’d share some of the interesting short reads I’ve come across online.

Here’s one about men and emotional intimacy…
http://powertochange.com/sex-love/menintimacy/

“With world population well over six billion, it seems strange to think anyone could be lonely” — a quote from this next article “Celebrating Love Without Limits”
http://powertochange.com/discover/sex-love/lovenolimit/

Living Single in a Marriage Minded society
http://powertochange.com/sex-love/live-single-marriage-minded/

How to Choose a Life Partner
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/how-be-grown/201202/how-choose-life-partner

Great Expectations: The Soul Mate Quest
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200403/great-expectations-the-soul-mate-quest

Happy surfing everyone!

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Published in: on December 20, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (3)  
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Life Lessons

Life lessons are swirling around in my head today, and they are as true in love as they are in work, or any other part of our lives…

Nothing happens in a vacuum.  There are circumstances surrounding every event.

Perception is everything.  Realize that other’s perceptions of an event may not match yours.

Never yell and curse at the same time.

Try never to yell.

Respect others, no matter what.

Don’t make mountains out of mole hills.

Be patient, especially with people.

Don’t be an “evil doer” trying to make bad things happen for others.  It will come back to you.

Remember love is an action word… it’s something you do, not just something you feel.

Soak up the love from those who give it freely.  (doggies are great for this!)

Laugh a LOT.. every chance you get!

Breath deep.

Don’t just listen to music, feel it.

Move your body.

Find art that resonates with you and spend time really looking and appreciating it.

Make something once in a while.

Play with your kids.

Hug everyone you can, without being inappropriate.

Rest your head on someone’s shoulder once in a while.

Share your dreams, and thoughts and feelings.

Let people in.

Listen to your heart.

Heed your intuition.

Beware of red flags.

Don’t lie to yourself.  (at least try like hell not too!)

Be good to yourself in every way.  This world is harsh enough… be your own greatest ally.

Work hard.

Play hard.

Love hard… with all that you have.

Don’t let fear run your life.

Relax.  (this is probably the toughest one for me)

Let the cards fall where they may. (or this one)

Appreciate the importance of chemistry and connection.

Live passionately!

Be what you see is what you get!  Be genuine!

Have the confidence to know that you are an incredible unique person, and then live your life accordingly.

Most importantly, get out there and REALLY LIVE!!……………………………….

Are you really living???

Published in: on September 20, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (5)  
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Think Like a Man

  I caught the movie “Think Like a Man” on Pay-per-view this weekend, and what do you know, it was really good…  Of course, I love romantic comedies so maybe my opinion is a little biased.

Still, I think the character developement was very good…  I’m totally in love with The Dreamer.  This movie explored all kinds of different men, women and relationships and I know people just like this.

It got me thinking about something my therapist said the other day…  He said in the 50s and 60s there were some very hard and fast rules about dating and courtship.  Still, this didn’t make people happy necessarily, so the pendulum swung during the late 60s and 70s to the whole free love culture.  Then there was the 80s… ya know, the ME generation.

He said now what we have is essential no rules when it comes to dating.  People are out there just workin’ the trial and error, if you ask me.  Women seem to be giving up their power in droves, as they give up “the cookie” WAY too fast and end up not getting the respect they deserve.

It even sounds to me like women are becoming more and more sexually aggressive, so not only are they giving up the card we have historically held (ie:  Men hold the committment card, women hold the sex card) but they are also training men to expect that sort of behavior.

Steve Harvey has a terrific take on this stating that it has created all different kinds of men on the dating scene.  I agree.  He covers all that, and essentially gives women a playbook in his book “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.”

I found the book when my unhappily single sister recommended it to me.  She gave me access to her Droid ebook reader account and I read it.  I zipped through it super fast and found it quite helpful… In fact, I’ll be buying it in print, and putting it in to play when I start dating again.

 

Tons of great information including some of these quotes:

Don’t hate the player, change the game.

If you are her man, she will walk on water and through a mountain for you, too, no matter how you’ve acted out, no matter what crazy thing you’ve done, no matter the time or demand.

Because that fear can trip you up every time; all too many of you let the guy get away with disrespecting you, putting in minimal effort and holding on to the commitment to you because you’re afraid he’s going to walk away and you’ll be alone again. And we men? We recognize this and play on it, big time.

Your objective is to avoid being a woman on a string.

Men respect standards.  Get some!

Without a doubt, there is much wisdom here and given with a positive encouraging approach.  Definitely worth a read… and if it matters to you, it even made it in to Oprah’s book club.

Published in: on September 18, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (8)  
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I’m in a Sexy State of Mind

Just havin' a freakin' fantastic time!

Started out this morning with sex on the brain… not that this situation is much different than my usual but I woke to a messsage from The Ambassador.

I had asked him if he wanted to hang out monday or tuesday night after I get off work, as it’s my only time off mommy duty this week, and he replied “what do you suggest?”

Ha!! What do I suggest? All kinds of hot sweaty kinky sexy things involving nakedness and lips and more nudity. Hehehe.. I didn’t send him that reply as I don’t want his eyeballs to pop out of his head and jump around while he’s trying to read his email.

I replied. “Ummm. Idk. I hadn’t really planned an activity. Strip poker? Spin the bottle? Naked Twister? Truth or dare? 7 min in heaven? Dirty Minds? Monopoly? Oh yeah, I don’t have monopoly ;)”

I spent the morning primping and such… walking around in heels with Pandora playing. I picked out some playful Victoria Secret panties and matching bra. I love VS– It’s a fabulous little treat for me to be able to pick out some fun or sexy or maybe naughty pieces to put on under all my clothes.

I pulled on some fab little boyshorts. I’ve recently slid back in to these as I am seeing my curves becoming slightly more voluptuous. The boyshorts create a gorgeous curve over my bottom and camouflage my tummy a little bit. (Another reason I love VS… you can find panties in about any cut you want which = the right cut for your gorgeous curves.)

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Suited up in panties and heels, I put on the magic courtesy of Mac's beautiful make up and click clacked around my house getting ready for work. Put myself together –booty looking great, showin' a little cleavage, jewelry. I'm dialed in!

What a fantastic way to start my day! I've got Folders beat for sure!

I have to say, though, I owe this sensual playful morning to Barbara Keesling, PH.D. You see, I was puttering through one of our chic little thrift shops the other day and I spotted a book inside a glass case where they apparently keep treasures of all sorts. It's Barbara's book "The Good Girl's Guide to Bad Girl Sex."

Now, I almost didn't buy it since I certainly don't consider my self a "Good Girl". Don't get me wrong, I'm sweet. I'm all heart, but I've had that whole "lady in the street, whore in the bedroom" thing figured out for some time now. Still, it's been a little while for me and even my last few sexy playdates were blahhhhh. So, I thought about picking it up as a boost to rev up my Bad Girl side. I think she may have fallen asleep on me when I wasn't looking.

Then, I thought "nah- I don't need it." I was having this whole vicious internal struggle over $5 book until I thought about the blog. "What was I thinking? Of course I should buy it. It'll be research for the blog!" So, I grabbed it– One mischievous smile from the wrinkled 98-year-old woman operating the cash register, and I was out of there.

I opened up the book right away, since I can barely resist.. It's got SEX written all over the book jacket! I couldn't wait.

Turns out, the book is filled with a fabulous Bad Girl training program. I mean “Bad Girl” as in sex on the brain all the time (I was vetted in the club looong ago) not the crazy bitch kinda bad girl.

I’m having a blast dusting off my inner Bad Girl… Trained by an earlier generation of Bad Girls– For instance, My Mother -The Gypsy Woman and her “Love The One You’re With” theme song, her sisters The Busty Boufante, and The Sleek Seductress who’s had her man wrapped around her little finger for nearly 30 years now.

It’s not that these women were or are in any way tawdry or skanky. They are simply women who are fully comfortable with their sexuality and open and honest with their daughters. I could ask any of them anything without being embarrassed or judged. They let me take the lead with learning about my girlhood and emerging sexuality… When I was young they answered questions simply, and as I matured so did their answers.

They taught me to be PROUD to be a woman and feel that it’s a beautiful gift. They taught me to be comfortable in my own skin, and realize sexuality is a healthy natural thing. It doesn’t matter what your make up, how thin you are, how much make up you wear… Your sexuality and magnetism come from inside you. It’s priceless, and unique to every woman.

I was incredibly blessed to have these women raise me up, but not every girl is so lucky..

Barbara’s sassy book covers everything from why you might be feeling so modest, how society can stifle you, and sensual ways to walk, to talking dirty, as well as giving a hell of a hand job and how to blow your man’s mind with a bj. So, if you could use some instruction or even if this book just peaks your interest because sex is your absolute favorite subject– it’s a good read.

The Good Girl’s Guide To Bad Girl Sex by Barbara Keesling, PH.D

I am working my way through this book as we speak, and its perfect timing as I’ve set my sights on The Ambassador and decided to cut out any other “situation” or players in my game, until I see how this all rolls out. Not to mention, I am tired of waiting or being in only half way. (I mean emotionally, not in a dirty way– I haven’t even gotten that far yet! lol)

I will be seeing him in the next couple of days… He’s had time to absorb the talk we had. I can’t wait to see what’s going to happen!

Published in: on December 31, 2011 at 9:00 am  Comments (5)  
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A Dozen Ways To Kick Depression’s Ass!

Let’s face it, singlehood can be a lonely and low place to be… add to that –many of us ended up in singlehood through a fracture of the primary adult relationship in our lives and you may have depression trying to creep in.

I’ve certainly had my share of dances with depression. I have a family history of it, and it seems to stalk me — attacking at will. However, I refuse to let it run my life. Having fought this demon off so many times over the years, I’ve come to feel like an expert at pulling myself out of that hole. If you are struggling too, keep in mind the absolutely most important thing is in the entire process is to break the cycle… just take a step, and start moving in a positive direction.

1. WORK OUT— Maybe you’re not a meat head who loves to be in the gym. Hey, it’s not my most favorite thing to do either, but the truth is, it will boost your mood. It will raise your endorphins and kick-start your self-esteem. (For more info, hit up webmd  http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/exercise-depression) You don’t have to kill yourself in the gym, in fact that’s not even a good idea. Start off slow to avoid injury, and do things in moderation to give your activity some longevity. If you are miserable the entire time, it’s going to be brutal trying to be consistent. Try to find something active you enjoy doing or something that will make it bearable. I started just walking. I pop my ear buds in and listen to my favorite songs to give me motivation and make it more fun. Get creative. Don’t want to lift weights? Play racquetball. Climb the rock wall. Try Yoga. Don’t want to run? Walk. Walk downtown and people watch. Walk loops around the mall like the senior citizens. Roller Skate. Ride your bike all over town like when you were a kid.

2. GET OUT — Depression can create such a vicious cycle. You don’t feel like going anywhere so you hide in your house.. which makes you feel even more down. Even more now, you don’t want to go out. Break the cycle. Force yourself to get out. Make it part of your routine Take a class or something if feeling obligated to attend something you paid for helps. Just get out of your house… and not just to go to work. OH, and don’t forget – make sure to put yourself together, because when you look good you– you feel good!

3. GET CONNECTED — People crave social and family connections. It’s the most important factor in a person’s happiness. PBS did an entire documentary series on emotions and this was one of their many findings.

(more more more info on this http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/topic/connecting/connection-happiness)

So, get connected, whatever that takes. Take a moment to write an email. Take a second to fire off a text message. That’s why people are becoming so attached to their cell phones and their Facebook profiles… they are their keys to social connection. It may seem trivial, but truly it’s important.

4. GET MEDS — Sometimes you just have to do it. I know in my struggles with depression, sometimes I just need that kick-start. It doesn’t have to be forever but it might help until you get your motor runnin’ again. Talk to your Doc.

5. GET VITAMINS— They have helped me SO much. I can honestly feel a difference in my energy level and mood not long after taking them. Why not give it a try? One little multi-vitamin could make such a big difference. For me, my most essential vitamin is B complex. Not only does it help my mood, but it boost my energy level. It will even level out the afternoon coffee crash. (more info on vitamins for mood http://www.webmd.com/vitamins-and-supplements/lifestyle-guide-11/herbs-vitamins-and-supplements-used-to-enhance-mood)

6. GET AWAY — Sometimes we all need to step outside our environment. It doesn’t have to be expensive. There are plenty of ways to get away and save your bucks. Stay at a friend’s house. Choose activities that don’t cost a thing (like hangin’ at a park or walking on the beach). Pack a sack lunch for the trip. Just find a way to step outside your bubble.

7. GET OFF THE BOOZE — Put down the beer. Lay off the drinks. They really are a depressant and although it might help numb you out for a couple of hours but in the long run it will drag you down. (Here’s a great fact sheet on drinking and depression http://www.youthbeyondblue.com/factsheets-and-info/fact-sheet-8-drinking-depression-and-anxiety/)

8. GET PLENTY OF SLEEP, BUT DON’T OVERDUE IT— Many people I know sleep way too much when they are depressed. They sleep out of boredom, to escape the sadness, or because the depression has drained all the energy out of their body. So, get plenty of sleep but limit it to a healthy amount, and NEVER, but never sleep out of boredom. There’s got to be something better to do than sleeping your life away.

9. GET LAUGHING — We are lucky ducks these days… We’ve got Comedy Central supplying the funny 24 hours a day. Not much of a TV watcher? There are plenty of humorous books or blogs out there. There has GOT to be something that tickles your fancy. Not only does a good laugh let you forget for a little bit, but it also raises your endorphin level improving mood.  http://www.helpguide.org/life/humor_laughter_health.htm

10. GET SOME SUN — and I don’t mean lay out and get a tan. 80-90% of the Vitamin D in our bodies is absorbed through exposure to the sun’s rays. Vitamin D is used to treat man things, including PMS.

11. GET GOD— Getting in touch with your higher power can relieve stress and give you a sense of well-being if you can manage to let go of some of your stresses and give them to God. Also faith is a positive thing. It’s a positive outlook, and if you can find a little, it could relieve your stress a lot. You may also find a gaggle of warm optimistic people to help you along.

12. GET FURRY — Pets are fantastic for improving a persons overall health. Pets just make people feel good. Maybe it’s because they are just oozing the love out of all their pores. A pet wants nothing more than your attention and affection. They can also provide companionship and a reason to get up in the morning. Check out webmd for 27 ways pets improve your health  http://pets.webmd.com/ss/slideshow-pets-improve-your-health

Published in: on December 4, 2011 at 9:00 am  Comments (3)  
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26 Great Girl Power Songs

Every woman needs a girl power playlist. Ever have one of those days when you need a little push?… some motivation, a charge to get you through the day? Maybe you need a boost to carry you through your brutal workout or ease your nerves on your way to a hott date…

Here’s a list (in no particular order) of some of my favorite Girl Power songs that can accomplish ALL those tasks for me!

According To You by Orianthi

Tik Tok by Kesha

One Girl Revolution by Saving Jane

Miss Independant by Kelly Clarkson

Bitch by Meridith Brooks

Never Again by Nickleback

Just a Girl by No Doubt

Paralyzer by Finger Eleven

I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry

Hot N Cold by Katy Perry

California Gurls by Katy Perry

Telephone by Lady Gaga

Poker Face by Lady Gaga

Disco Stick by Lady Gaga

Bad Romance by Lady Gaga

Single Ladies by Beyonce

SOS by Rhianna

U & Ur Hand by Pink

Raise Your Glass by Pink

Hot Stuff by Donna Summer

Hit Me With Your Best Shot by Pat Benetar

I Hate Myself For Loving You by Joan Jett

I Love Rock n Roll by Joan Jett

Gun Powder and Lead by Miranda Lambert

All Jacked Up by Gretchen Wilson

Here For The Party by Gretchen Wilson

Good Bye Earl by The Dixie Chicks

Backbone by Kelly Pickler

—-Hey Readers… recommend any I can add to my list?

Published in: on November 20, 2011 at 9:00 am  Comments (2)  
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Meet The Tom Cat

My girlfriend, The Sweet Tri-athlete has been talkin’ to a guy she has nicknamed “The Cat”. I asked her why this moniker and she wrote “he comes and goes when he pleases and his is kind of skitterish if you reach out too much… but when he decides to snuggle… it is like heaven 🙂 ”

 

I thought this was absolutely the perfect moniker for this guy. I am NOT impressed with him. I’ve met him in person and heard her stories and the best I can say is that he is well equipped. Aside from that, he just seems to jerk her around. That’s bs. Ya don’t do that to a single mom and especially not someone as sweet as The Tri-athlete.

 

He’s tall and thin in his white cowboy hat. He’s clean-shaven and he has this sort of ranch hand style, but not in a sexy tight wranglers way. He had dark eyes and a quiet personality.

 

Like me, she is trapped in this tiny town overwhelmed by the married or undate-able. Were she in some big city, I’m sure she’d be dating some savy, handsome and active international business man or something…. but we are all trying to grow where we are planted.

 

The Tom Cat apparently has a bad reputation… like he’s some kind of bad boy. The Sweet Tri-athlete can’t figure this out because she swears he treats her like a nun. All their “dates” have been family things, like going to church, to the lake with kids in tow, or dinner with his family. It’s like they skipped over all the dating stuff and went straight to couple town.

 

As her girlfriend, this bothers me for several reasons… First is, apparently he’s never had to even buy her dinner. He’s made pretty much no investment in her or their relationship at all but seems to be reaping the benefits of having her around. Then He sneaks her off away from the crowd to climb on to his lap and fool around a tiny bit. (which is how she knows what he’s packin’) YET, when it’s her birthday and she gets a hotel room and wants to dance the night away in her slinky leopard print dress… he bails. 

I also find it distasteful to take someone to events that wreak of “committed relationship” and then tell them you aren’t together.  I’m not good with the hot and cold bit.  Get your shit together, then come talk to me — ya know?  I don’t need to be jerked around, and I don’t like it when guys do it to my friends either.   

 

I am starting to think this guy has a reputation as a “bad boy” not because he lives outside the law and is fun to play with, but because he treats women like shit.

 

I’m not the only one complaining about this guy. Pretty much every girlfriend she has is telling her to get the hell away from him. Apparently he’s seeing or talking to some other girl. The Sweet Tri-athlete knows about this and acts like she’s fine with it. Anytime you mention dating to The Sweet Tri-athlete (because of previous heartbreak) she recoils, but with this situation I guess she can lie to herself and label it something else. The truth is though, she’s starting to have feelings. She’s a funny girl. She’s terrified of getting her heart-broken again, yet she’ll play around with this situation. Unrequited love is just a one way ticket to Heartbreak Town.

 

Moral of the story: In the words of the great Maya Angelou — “Never make someone a priority, when all you are to them is an option.”

Published in: on November 6, 2011 at 9:00 am  Comments (9)  
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The Stow Away Girlfriend; Don’t be THAT girl

Why do I keep seeing women playing the game I call “The Stow Away Girlfriend”?? Ya know, the game where a girl decides that she’ll just start acting like the girlfriend, and maybe she’ll slide right in there and become one.

First of all, from what I’ve seen– it doesn’t work, (ok, it does and it doesn’t) and second… Why on Earth would you want to be THAT girl? Why would you want to become the girlfriend just because you’re the one hanging around? Not because he’s nuts for you, or because he can’t live without you or because you’re his best friend and he knows he’d be a fool NOT to be with you…. but instead because he hasn’t found anything better yet? Why would you want to be that girl?

Personally, I want to be the one he can’t live without, his first thought in the morning and last thought at night… and it has to be mutual. If I have to somehow “trick” him into being with me then NO THANKS.

You see, I saw The Collector (aka: The Red Hott Ramblin’ Man) this weekend and he was telling me how The Crazy Wine Girl was putting out this mad girlfriend vibe and getting super attached even after he told her the score. He’s still all kinds of screwed up over his engagement that broke up before the start of the summer. He’s super sensitive to all kinds of things and not in any shape for any type of committment. Still, she says things to him like “you should like me more than you do.”

What the hell kind of statement is that? Does she think he can just turn up the dial on his emotions? Plus, if she feels that way, why does she keep hanging around and stalking his Facebook and getting her sticky stinky wanna-be girlfriend vibe all over it?

Maybe she’s just crazy about him… That’s nice and all but it’s unrequited and unrequited love is nothing but painful. She’s constantly chasing him for his attention and it’s obviously bothering her, or she wouldn’t have said anything about it.

So, if you are considering a Stow Away Girlfriend project, hit the brakes!!! Hit the brakes, ladies! Pull over for some self-esteem maintenance, and an extra dose of hope and faith. It will happen. The magic will find you, but in its own time. Once again….. You can’t hurry love.

Published in: on October 9, 2011 at 9:00 am  Leave a Comment  
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Christianity for Singles?

Why is it that there is some unwritten rule that a woman can not be a “full member” of a church organization unless she is married to a man who also attends with her.

I have seen this manifestation through out my entire life. It never changes. The chauvinism can be more or less intense from one church to the next but either way, it’s there.

I was sitting in church today, in a place where I have felt quite comfortable and included until now. The Pastor starts talking about some upcoming plans for our new little church and then asks to speak to some members afterward. He starts calling out names, and low and behold every one of them is a married couple who both consistently attend.

I felt so incredibly unwelcome then. I felt like nothing but an on-looker. I have spoken to the Pastor and his wife asking to be more involved in the church on several occasions, but I am a divorced woman and single Mom. So, I sit in the pew and look on.

This time in my life has been the absolute loneliest of my entire life, and I know it’s the same for many many singles.

Plus, I have had to deal with losing my marriage, and the breaking up of my family. I lost everything and found myself living in a tiny apartment in a scary section of town and managed with God’s help to claw my way back to a good place. I have never needed God more. I desperately need the feeling of community and family.

Sometimes I feel as though all of life is a high school with the “cool” kids runnin’ the show.

Well, I am not the type to just stand by and complain! If I’m not part of the click, I’ll start my own. I completely believe, if you don’t like it, fix it! Besides, you know what Billy Joel says “I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints, the sinners are much more fun!”

Early Sept… I’m inviting a pile of unattached women from all over town for Margarita Night at my place! There are at least 7 in my neighborhood alone, and they are all beautiful, active, successful women. Who needs the church to have support, friendship and the feeling of family? I GOT THIS.

I recommend this to all my readers, especially the singles. Get out there and live! Be social! You can’t hurry love, and connections with friends (especially other singles who are going through the same things that you are) will be greatly enriching and will temper the sting of loneliness.

Honestly, I’m nervous. I’m really worried that no one will show up… I’m going to do it anyway, though, and keep doing it every few weeks. I’ll let you know how it goes, readers… Those sexy bitches better show up!

Published in: on September 8, 2011 at 9:00 am  Leave a Comment  
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How The Hell Do You Meet All These Guys???

This is how I do it… I love online dating. It allows me to just get on with my life, while still keeping me “out there” and available for dating. I don’t have to spend my precious time off going out to bars or wherever trying to meet people. A few great smiley pics that I took with my palm, one well written paragraph about fabulous me and bam!  My profile is doing the work while I’m living my life.

Recently my ex-husband texted me “how the hell are you meeting all these guys?” Well, there you go. Plus, I’m fabulous, and people and relationships are important to me and in my life.. so of course I’m going to meet people.  I will admit though… ya, I can meet people, it’s the making it stick I haven’t figured out yet!

I can’t remember the last time I went out looking to meet someone. It’s difficult in this small town where I live too because it’s very clickish. I think most people here tend to stick to the people they know.

The last little town I lived in had a wholly different personality. It attracted people from all over the world, and when you walk in to a bar, people notice and might actually talk to you. NOT here. Nope. They don’t even blink. Never once has someone come up to me in this town and started talking to me.

I even noticed it when I was working with the public. In the last little town people would chat you up and maybe even ask you out… but this current town. Nope. The one time someone asked me out while I was working in this town, he lived hours and hours away.

So, if you are in a similar situation… You are busy and don’t enjoy going to bars or joining up with hobby clubs to meet people (I don’t do that around here either. All the clubs seem to be packed with senior citizens) maybe give it a try.

Another good way I’ve found to meet people is to take a class at a local college. It’s been years since I’ve done that too though. I have a demanding career with a changing schedule and two children. My custody schedule changes too depending on my work schedule. I don’t want to commit to a class at a certain day and time every week at this point in my life.

I’ve tried quite a few dating sites and my top recommendation is www.plentyoffish.com. Totally free and lots of people. So, best of luck to you readers…

Published in: on July 28, 2011 at 9:10 am  Leave a Comment  
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