Isolation

b&w couchI’ve been such a hermit since I had that episode and missed five weeks of work and all. Well, now I’ve got some meds managing the anxiety pretty well and I feel like I am ready to re-enter the social world…. but what to do?

I am on this stupid graveyard shift and it is SO isolating. While I’m awake and working, the rest of the world is asleep– then I sleep away all the daylight hours. When I do wake up to get ready for work, I usually message with the Duke a bit… and today was a bit rough.

We are both in lonely places and wishing we were closer, but a myriad of circumstances prevents that. Still, sometimes he paints a picture of something like laying on a blanket in his arms under a tree… and I can’t help but picture it. Unfortunately, I think this just makes things harder. It was a lonely day today.

Thank God for my dog… I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have that fuzzy little love bug following me around to snuggle with me every second I’m home.

I miss the company of a man. I miss having strong arms around me and the strength in his personality. I miss touches, hugs, caresses and kisses. I miss companionship, talking for hours on end, and sex… boy do I miss sex.

I figured out today that I have gone for more than a year in my state of voluntary celibacy. I could break the pact. If I’m so in need of the company of a man and all that, there are places I could go and people I could see…. but I’m not just looking for someone. I’m looking for THE one.

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Published in: on March 21, 2013 at 9:00 am  Comments (9)  
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9 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Wow. Your feeling of wanting a man mirror my own! I am glad you are getting back into things, keep it up, something will happen, we will be waiting to hear all about it!

  2. I’m feeling exactly the same….It takes months, months, months…
    I loved your post.

  3. Hang in there, your “one” is coming…

  4. Thanks for the replies ladies. It was much easier meeting people when I worked with the public. Not sure how to become more social in this tiny town but I suppose I’ll figure it out.

  5. Awesome post!

  6. I came across your blog while looking for the meaning of love. Hope to hear from you.

    I love your posts

    • Thanks for your comment. Its been quite some time since I have written on the blog but it excited me to know people are still reading it… maybe it’ll get me back in the groove. 😉

  7. Hello there Cadence,

    It’s been sometime since you wrote but I still have your blog in my feed, hoping you’ll write at some point. I miss your writing as it always is heartfelt, sincere and very well put. I hope you manage to get back into it at some stage.

    Meanwhile, I’ve now started a relationship blog of my own on http://www.yinology.org. I’ve been dating for the past 12, maybe 18 months after a long relationship that ended. It’s not simple, it’s great fun and it is confusing. I am starting to try to make sense of it through the blog. I doubt I’ll match your insights but since it’s written from the male perspective, it’s different to many blogs out there.

    Thanks for your posts/writing – it meant a lot to me as I was “finding the courage” to get out there again.

    • Antoine, what a totally AMAZING compliment. Wow… I am honestly touched. Def makes me want to get my writing ass back in gear. THANK YOU… and best of luck with your blog. I’ll have to check that out.


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