Things That Give Me **Pause**

inner struggleSome of the things that gave me pause after reading my girlfriends Big Fat Christian Love Story was… First of all…  First and foremost…  what if it works?!!  *gasp*  Do I really want to get married again?  Truthfully, folks, I’m slightly terrified at the thought of it.

I think maybe that’s a bridge I’ll have to cross when I come to it.  Not only am I growing, healing and changing everyday but maybe I can’t know how I’ll feel once I am in that relationship.  I know how I want to feel… but maybe it’s just one of those things where you’ll know it when you see it.. or feel it in this case.

Next, I’ve always heard the phrase “you wouldn’t drive a car without test driving it first, would you?”  To marry someone without EVER having slept with that person seriously freaks me out.  Now, it wouldn’t be such a big deal if it were someone who I had previously played with but otherwise… errrr… ummm..  I don’t know about that.

Even my mother said “Take my advice, Dear…  NEVER wait til you’re married.”  lol…  Moms aren’t supposed to say that!

Next up… if “divorce is not an option”, then doesn’t that give someone kind of free license to walk all over you and treat you like crap?  Or ignore you and your needs or wants or requests, thinking “ahh, she’ll never leave.”  I hate that idea because there are a ton of things we can’t control in this life, like other people, but I can control me.  I may not be able to persuade him to stop drinking or gambling us in to the poor house, but I can choose to leave.  Now I’m supposed to give that up?  Just put up with anything he throws my way?

I have read some guy bloggers that talk about the three As.  The three As are the only time a divorce should be considered… They are abuse, addiction, and adultery.  I can’t quite get on board with that either though.  I think couples can work through anything (those things too) if there are two willing partners… but what isn’t willing?

What if one partner refuses to try to improve things?  What if you are miserable and he just doesn’t give a rat’s ass?  What if there is complete neglect?  Is that a form of abuse?  What if it feels like you live with a stranger because she’s a work-a-holic?  Does that count as an addiction?

What if she’s shopping you in to bankruptcy and homelessness?  What if she just keeps doing it, no matter how many cards you cut up or check books you take away?  You can’t chain her up in the basement.  What are you supposed to do?  What if it’s been going on for a decade and the shop-a-holic refuses to even discuss the issue?  After all, why should she?  You’ve already told her “divorce is not an option” so she just figures you’ll never leave anyway!

So, lets say we would count that as a shopping addiction…  Shopping is an addiction now?  Then where do we draw the line?  Welcome to my internal struggle.

*Sigh*  I guess maybe that’s part of trusting God… fully surrendering.   Hmmm..  maybe it’s not God I don’t trust though… it’s men.  Ooooh, that sounded bad but it is part of the therapy stuff I’m working through right now.  Wish me luck, blogger friends…. because I have a feeling that once I work through this particular area in therapy, I’ll have the answers to the questions here as well.

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Published in: on December 9, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (4)  
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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. You really have to get to know someone well, and have many conversations before a commitment to see whether or not you are both on the same page.
    I think you are more than intelligent enough not to let yourself get hooked up with someone that carries the attributes you mentioned.

    You have educated yourself enough to make sound decisions. Trust your instincts. xoxo

    • Sweetie, thanks for the vote of confidence but I have been hooked up with some doozies… I thought I couldnt have chosen any better when I married my ex… but even that crashed, so… . I’m a little gun shy. Tryin to work thru it tho.

      • I know, and we all make mistakes… and hopefully we learn and don’t repeat them. I admire you and all the work your doing with yourself. 🙂

      • Thank u, Cakes.


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