A Big Fat Christian Love Story

As I’ve been growing and growing and growing like crazy in my spiritual walk, I have decided I want to do the whole relationship thing a totally different way this time.  I want to do it God’s way… whatever that means.

For all my life I have watched people trying to do the dating, relationship and marriage thing the way the world does it…  and fail miserably at it, myself included.  In the people I know and love, I see more failing than succeeding.

So, I set about trying to figure out what that means.  I searched the bible and read and read about marriage and sex before marriage and all kinds of stuff related to that.  I found that often when I was googling questions I saw the same scripture verse recycled over and over again, interpreted to mean what they wanted it to mean.  I saw people with blog posts who were WAY too conservative to align with my beliefs.  I read a few that cause me to choke on my coffee and exclaim “that’s just ridiculous!” out loud.

In trying to settle my thoughts and beliefs on this issue, I realized…  I had no idea what a “christian” love story even looks like.. for me, I mean.  I’m no 20 year old girl raised by super holy rollers.  That I can visualize, but I am a 35 year old double divorcee!

The way our culture does relationships…  dating, sex, relationship, live together, engagement, marriage…  That I can picture.  I’ve seen it happen a thousand times over, but what is the alternative?

I asked a few people and didn’t get much help, although my girlfriend The Pastor’s Wife did offer a valuable tidbit.  “It has to be a Christian” she said… and boy is she right, because no one else is going to want to do this.  lol.

So far, what I do know is I want to remain celibate until marriage, and no living together in between.  These two things alone are pretty scary to me.  I realize it is shrinking my dating pool down significantly, but I don’t want to date a lot of people… just the right one.

Next thing you know I see a christian divorcee girlfriend of mine post on Facebook that she is getting remarried.  I trust her and she and I have been through a lot.  I’ve known her for years.  I’ve known her as my customer, my bank teller, my co-worker, my employee, my friend.  We have talked through marriage, emotional abuse, custody issues, leaving your husband, moving out-of-state.  I even gave her a shining reference for her new job in a new state after she chose to leave.

Since we had been through all this… I decided I could spray her with questions and not feel badly about it at all.

Her reply to me was this…

-Is he a christian? Yes he is. Though a new Christian. He has jumped right in and is volunteering and is there every time the doors are open.

-How did you meet him? I met him on an online dating site. Do I recommend? No.. but it does happen.

-Is there an age difference? I am 32 he is 35

-How long have you been together? 5 months. Crazy huh? But, we just knew it was meant to be! Plus we are older and know what we are looking for. It was each other!!

-At what point did you realize this was really working out and actually headed for marriage? About 2 months into it. He was really hesitant to even get with me and be in a relationship. Once he committed it flew from there.

-How did he propose? We just decided to get married. No one really proposed. We just knew we were meant to be together for the rest of our lives.

-Does this situation feel differently than the first time around? in what way?

-How do you know this time is going to be different from the first time? (this question always comes back to me when I think about getting married again one day. How on earth will I know I’m not signing up for the same kind of heartbreak and problems I had last time?)

I prayed one day “God I just want someone who fits in my life. I am a single mom that is very busy. I work a lot, I’m active in the boys school life, I’m active in church, I have no time for a relationship. If I am ever going to get married he has to fit.” I had no area of my life I wanted to cut out or slow down. So it was going to have to be a God thing for it to work. He came around and just “fit”. He was willing and even excited to be apart of the things I was doing.

When he met my family, he was the first guy since my ex-husband my family had met, they thought.. wow this must be serious… and I wasn’t even sure it was going to be at this point. But, they fell in love with him.

The next weekend I met his family, His mom has never liked anyone he brought home, she fell in love with me and told him “she is the best thing that has ever happened to you, don’t mess it up or hurt her” and we have been one super close family ever since.

Both our families LOVE each other.. my boys ADORE him.. Cadence, God found my missing puzzle piece.. and it was him. He just “fits”.

-How do I know it’s different? Because it’s God not me.. I don’t know what the future holds. I just know divorce is not an option. I am going to work harder and be a wife to him as if I’m doing it until the Lord. My attitude is different, my beliefs are different and my approach is different. The only way Brian and I will make it for the next 10000 years, is to put Jesus first. Period!

When I finally surrendered all hurts, jealousy, pain, bitterness, and most of all unforgiveness, of myself and others, God did a miracle in me. He gave me a new heart. A heart that feels, that cries, that is merciful, soft, and has grace. I have emotions I’ve never had before. I don’t have walls or a hard anything about me anymore. I am vulnerable and I love it. I have no problem saying “wow that really hurt”. I don’t have to be tough anymore. When someone hurts me I cry.. I tell them.. then I pray. I’m not a jerk anymore.

It’s too exhausting to keep yourself locked up and out of hurts reach. God has really shown me what it is like to be human.. and I love it. He shows me people through his eyes and it is amazing how different people are than how they portray themselves.

Soooo…  that’s it.  My girl’s big fat christian love story.  I can picture it now.  I was also struck because it sounds like she has gone through a lot of the same healing that I’ve been going through.  I understand getting my emotions back, and the crying… Oh, so much crying over the past few months!

Much to think about though.  A few of the things in her reply kind of gave me pause..  more to come!

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Published in: on December 4, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (1)  
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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. a lovely post.


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