The Gambler

“I think you’re a bit of a gambler” said my therapist, with a mischevious gleam in his eye.

I nodded my head with a sly grin…  I am not afraid to take a risk in life or in love, in fact I had risked myself right in to a frenzy the last few years, and stacked up one “loss” after another.

The second he made his remarks, that old Kenny Roger’s song started playing in my head.  I’m sure you’ve all heard it but here’s what it boils down to in one line “Now every gambler knows the secret to survivin’ is knowing what to throw away and knowing what to keep.”

“Well, I guess I’m learning when to hold em, and when to fold em” I replied.

Later that day, as I turned it over in my head, I was bowled over by his metaphor.  He’s absolutely right.  The Game is life…  I’m not going to stop playing and just opt out of life or love and melt in to the background of this anonymous small town, so I guess I am The Gambler BUT like the song says “If you’re gonna play the game, boy, ya gotta learn to play it right”.

I have been playing the game but staying too long with things that don’t work for me… negative self talk, hanging on to old baggage, staying in relationships that won’t work, sometimes without even pausing long enough to ask myself “is this really what I want in my life?”.   The therapist got me when I was finally “out of aces” and now I’m learning to play it right.

When The Stalkerish Ex-boyfriend appeared on my door step yesterday…  I talked to him for a few minutes but at the end I was very clear.  “Don’t contact me.”  Don’t want the drama.  Don’t want the conflict.  I have no use for people in the world that just don’t hear me, no matter how many times I say it.  No matter how many times I lay down a boundary, they step over it.  No thanks… you can go.

I’m being very aware of what I’m letting IN to my life and what I am letting go of…  like a bunch of negative self talk, guilt, shame, hurts and old labels, bad behaviors that just don’t work for me and old ways of thinking.  You’ve got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em…  and I’m learning fast.

Published in: on November 13, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (2)  
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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Dorky confession: I love Kenny Rogers! One day you’re gonna look back at this time in your life and you will have come SO far, you’ll barely recognize yourself. The way you’re working so hard through this journey will land you in a wise place someday!

    • It’s already happening, sista! I’m a totally different person than I was this time last yr.. & in so many ways!

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