Everything is as it should be…

The “feel good” I got after those several emotionally intense days right in a row–  has continued!  I feel fantastic and have found myself with an amazingly positive attitude and plenty of energy (but not too much as to feel anxious).   I love it!!

Captain Amazing was thinking I was floating on Cloud 9 after The Ambassador of Ambiguity’s visit… and that may be partially true but I know that in the past, I’d have been looking for the next thing.  The next call, or text, or visit and I’d have been frustrated when if it didn’t come right away.  Not so the last few days…

I now feel like he’s off in his life, growing and changing — and I’m doing the same.  God is doing a work in both of us.   I can see how trying to maintain a relationship while the both of us are going through all this might well be impossible.  I think it is requiring quite a bit of solitude for both of us.

When the time is right, I think we’ll come together again…  but that time is not now.  If by some chance I am wrong, things will still be ok.  I’m content to let God unfold his plan.  I know whatever it is, it will be for my good.

I have been spending some time reading “The Word” as christian culture calls it.  When I hear a sermon, whether it be at church or on TV occasionally (love Joel Osteen), I make notes in a journal specifically for spiritual stuff.  I went through all my notes and spent hours looking up the verses that had been mentioned.

I read and pull from the scriptures things that kind of speak to me in my current situation.  Like, for instance, while I am currently having to work with Mz. Hienous–  I might feel cautioned reading Matthew 7:6 where it says “Do not give dogs what is sacred.  Do not throw your pearls to pigs.  If you do, they may trample them under their feet and turn and tear you to pieces.”

So… in doing this, I kept finding scriptures that said things like “I will restore you to health;  heal your wounds”.  I found things that talked about a city being rebuilt and about a feeling of “peace & security” there.

I have been overcome with a feeling that things are just as they should be.  I am not worried about why The Ambassador hasn’t called.  I just feel at peace with God’s plan for me.  I feel content to let Him do His work and encouraged, even excited by a deep belief that He is working all things for my good.  My ship is about to come in… I can see it on the horizon!

This may sound super holy roller to some of you…  but I’m not sure how else to explain it.  I’ve been telling myself these things for what feels like a really long time, things like “He works all things for my good” but I haven’t FELT them.  I have repeated them, sort of trying to convince myself but they hadn’t made it down deep on the inside where I actually felt them.  I still felt scared and worried.

This week I’ve started to FEEL those things.  I feel a SHIFT.  I think it’s a combination of my spirituality and the therapy.

My therapist told me that therapy is much like traveling up a flight of stairs, and this it feels like I stepped up to a new level this week.  It’s working!  I can feel it now and WOW, it’s AMAZING!

I am gaining the feeling I’ve been working for… a feeling of peace and calm deep inside.  I don’t feel like every situation in life is going to affect me heavily, and toss my emotions around like a leaf in the wind.  I am really starting to feel like… whatever happens, it’ll be ok.  I’m feeling confident and alive…  I’m starting to feel like I can face anything life throws my way.

I still have work to do, of course.  I still feel anxious at times, and I’m sure if I tried to jump in the car with someone else and drive out-of-town I’d probably have a panic attack…  BUT I see a bright glimmer.  My ship is coming in…  I see it on the horizon!

Published in: on November 6, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (6)  
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6 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. You’re incredible and it’s amazing how similar our paths are as I have been feeling the same with my own Ambassador of Ambiguity 😀 A recent visit as well where I have made peace with whatever God wills. Thank you for sharing this journey with me. Just trying to explain to my roommate at times is strange because well, it’s hard for many people to understand. 😀 Thank you for making me feel less alone (and crazy). 😀 Heck, even if it’s all in my head, I’m a better person for it. I would rather live in my dreams than settle into the cold darkness of reality. 😀 Besides, most is evidence based observations that have led to conclusions over time. 😀 Whatever happens, God has a plan for us. If not them, someone even better. 😀

    • You make me feel less alone in it too, Pink. & as far as it all being in our heads I say to the skeptics… I say it’s surrender to God, but call it what u will– I feel happy.

      • hugs to youuu….

  2. a lovely and sweet post

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