Surprising Details and High Expectations

oh you sassy bitch!

I bounced in to work in such a saucy mood.  Full of so much energy and enthusiasm that it was spilling out all over the place.

I had maybe even a little too much energy as I felt somewhat anxious — like I drank too much coffee.

I wasn’t in the office very long before I heard the buzz…  The Drug Cop’s last working day before his transfer.  Now, I’m not sure why but I felt sure we would see him in Dispatch that day.

As I got settled in and made a few calls, I discovered The Drug Cop was working a completely different area than we had on the schedule.  Some 40 minutes away from our office so we wouldn’t see him after all.  “Ehh.  Oh well” I thought.  I shrugged it off and passed the message through a co-worked that I said “sayonara sucka!” with a giggle.

The next thing I know, I’m staring out the window in awe.  Not only had The Sexy Drug Cop arrived with pizza to surprise us, but damned if he didn’t look as hot as I’d ever seen him.

Freshly showered and in a perfectly pressed uniform.  Not a hair out-of-place, and bad ass sunglasses in check.  Two of my girlfriends happened to be on shift with me and all three of us stood at the window shamelessly gawking as he climbed out of his car and headed for the building.

He strode in to dispatch full of compliments, “my favorite crew!” he announced, with his arms wide open and a smile on his face.  “I couldn’t leave without saying good-bye.  You’re my favorites!”

I thought this a little odd because I am sure  have only seen him in dispatch maybe 3 times in the two years I’ve been here.  I laughed a bit to myself and thought “Who cares!  He is damn nice to look at, a great conversationalist and I am in a fabulous mood.”

The Sexy Drug Cop started right in with a story about an extremely nervous 20-year-old kid that rode with him the day before.   The kid almost hyperventilated when The Drug Cop asked him to repeat a simple phrase over the radio.  He had us all shaking and laughing out loud…. and then I thought… Hmmm.. maybe I was wrong.  Maybe he is funny.

We all talked about our kids.  I have two, and The Drug Cop has one little girl who is almost two.  Another one of my girlfriends has a kindergarten age daughter, and the other has 2 boys and a girl.  There were a great bunch of cute kid stories and I got to imagine the very clean-cut, put together Drug Cop crawling around on his hands and knees giving his little girl “pony rides”.

We all talked about our personal relationships, and a book called “Emotional Survival in Law Enforcement”.  The Drug Cop had picked it up and read it while his marriage was falling apart in a great attempt improve things.  He couldn’t understand what he was feeling and felt like there was something wrong with him.  The book provided much insight.

I wouldn’t have guessed him as someone who would have made that kind of effort in his personal relationships.   I don’t know why…  maybe just because my ex who is also a cop and former Marine didn’t.

Then another interesting fact snuck out…  His Dad is a psychologist who works exclusively with veterans.   Wow…  not only that but his ex is a social worker.

I was really surprised.   He’s such a motivated and active cop…  always finding drugs, and drunks and making tons of arrests.  He’s extremely pro-active when lined up with his peers.  I just figured him for tough as nails.  Maybe not so.  Psychologists and social workers tend to be pretty touchy feely, as I understand it.

I talked about the crash of my own marriage and the fact that there were some tough times and I was not always the best partner.  I had a really hard time staying at home with the kids.  I’m just not wired that way.  I need more meaning in my life than just washing the damn dishes.  I had a really hard time keeping up with the housework because I was in turmoil emotionally, and because the kids outpaced me without fail.  I was exhausted.

He shared some of his issues feeling exhausted and in emotional turmoil going through different stages working in law enforcement.  The Drug Cop is convinced that since we are Marines, we are difficult people…  I don’t know that I agree.

I was feeling sassy and a little flirtatious, as I stared at the gorgeous dimples I’d never noticed before.  He’s a fantastic man but with very very high expectations by his own admission.

I did finally tell him at one point that I’d thought about those high expectations before and have another friend who is similar in that way…. super motivated, super active, super responsible, only The Drug Cop also has an insane moral compass.

“I know you have some high expectations because you are motivated like that, and you live up to them —but I wonder how anyone could keep up with you.  My friend Duke is that way and I don’t know how his wife keeps up with him.” I remarked with wonder.

He seemed to absorb that and think about it some.  The truth is, Duke’s wife doesn’t keep up with him… and I can’t honestly say it’s not a problem, but I didn’t add that to the conversation.

Sometimes I feel like there are people I know (men & women alike) that are looking for nothing short of perfection.  The problem is, none of us is perfect.  We’re just human.

Now, I’m not an advocate for settling by any means, but I do believe we must let our partners be human.  Be accepting and considerate because we aren’t perfect either.

The Drug Cop stuck around for a good 4 or 5 hours, feeling entitled to slack off a little on his last day.  I have been incredibly secluded socially lately and it felt good to connect with people.  We all need some kind of social and emotional connection, and I miss it.

Still, I am determined to finished my therapy process and not get distracted.  I’m also feeling incredibly vulnerable at this stage, having “taken off my armor” as the therapist remarked… so I think I may continue hide for a while yet.

The Sexy Drug Cop made sure we all has his number, and hugged us as he left.  With his arms around me, he turned his head to my ear and said “I better get a text on November 10th.” (That’s the Marine Corps birthday)  Then he smiled, and walked out the door.

Published in: on November 4, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (4)  
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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I used to live in that quest for perfection, eventually you crash and burn. The hard part for me is that my husband wants that OCD perfectionist back and I am doing better emotionally without her, the house is just a much bigger mess… what to do?

    • Find some middle ground… that’s what worked for me. When my house was a disaster, it all felt very chaotic. It’s not perfect now but it’s not wrecked either.

      Lol… of course you have way more kids than I do. You know that old saying, cleaning the house when your kids are small is like shoveling the sidewalk while it’s still snowing.

  2. Great post! So positive!!! 🙂
    (text him!)

    • I will text him on The Marine Corps Birthday 😉 I have no designs on him though, even if he is yummy!

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