The Ambassador Followed Me Home

There I was driving down main street thinking how good I was feeling.  I had just gone to Walmart sans anxiety… which is huge for me.  With all the crowds and the cramped parking lot, it’s usually a nerve racking experience.

Next thing I know, I see a gorgeous red car coming my direction and sure enough, it’s 2011 Dodge Challenger with The Ambassador of Ambiguity at the wheel.

I waved as we passed, then glanced in the rear view mirror to see him flipping his car around making a u-turn in the middle of main street, screetching tires and all.

He changed direction and began following me as I turned off main and headed for my neighborhood.  I figured he was coming by to chat, and I was right.

Still, I was shocked since I haven’t seen him, or really heard from him much in 5 months PLUS the last time I talked to him I refuseds share a meal with him.  I still hadn’t sent the letter from my “No Regrets” post.

He looked thinner than I remembered, but handsome, tall and stylish.  I could see traces of gray starting to appear in his well kept blond hair…  which I absolutely love.

He said he was there for a dentist appointment, which shocked me since he lives in a city 2 hours away.  I commented “that’s a long ways to drive for a dentist appointment” to which he replied “seriously, I can’t handle it down there.”

He loved living in our little town and only moved in order to advance in his career.  Even after nearly half a year, The Ambassador still hates the chaotic feeling of the city but I think it’s more than that.  His heart is here in our little town.

We chatted for about an hour, which seemed to fly by in a blink.  He said he’d driven by my house but couldn’t tell if I was home, so he drove across town and past my work trying to see if my car was in the back lot.

I looked straight in to his eyes and told him I miss him every single day, and I couldn’t believe I was looking in to his face.  I also got to spout off some stories and rant about a couple things that I felt only he could understand.

I told him about therapy and how nerve racking it has been uncovering things I have been trying NOT to look at for some 30 years.

He said he’s been working overnights and has no social life at all.  I told him I’m out of the social scene while trying to get through therapy.

“You look good” he said over and over again.  All I could do at that was smile.

He shared some of his stuff.  He went to a bonfire with a bunch of people he grew up with.  There were all drinking and smoking weed.  Despite thier pressure and repeated attempts to get to him, The Ambassador stayed clean, as he has managed to do every day for the last 6 years.

In 6 years The Ambassador has managed to go from someone who was couch crashing and working as a base line retail employee to management, promoted twice and making what is getting really close to 6 figures plus driving that gorgeous $40,000 car.

He made a decision.  He stopped drinking and never went back.  Then he climbed and climbed and climbed, turning his life around.  His old friends couldn’t believe it.  They are all still in that life… drinking and drugging thier lives away.

For as long as I have known The Ambassador he has seemed trapped between who he used to be and who he is becoming…  but when I heard this story, I sensed there had been an internal shift in him.  He’s not trapped in between anymore.  He knows that’s not who he is anymore.

It was a good visit.  In some ways it felt like we had never parted, but in other ways it felt like starting over.  I kept no secrets.  I didn’t allow myself to become overly concerned by how he might react, and then censor myself as I’d done in the past.   I told him I missed him.  I told him about the dreams I’d had about him and the things that happened and I’d wished he was there to talk it over with.

As we walked toward the door he said “I’d like to see you again, if you’ll let me.”  Then he hugged me tight for a long time… and he was gone.

Published in: on October 30, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (4)  
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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. OMG I just got teary eyed!! My stomach did a flip. How special! Wow, all I can say is WOW.

    • Ya.. it was SO great. Even though my intuition had been screaming that he would come back around… I was still surprised! We’ll see where it goes from here… we all know he can be pretty wishy washy!

      • You know my fingers are crossed for you!!

      • Thanks a million, Tiff. U are def one of my FAVORITE blogger friends!

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