Maybe We Are Not So Different

This past weekend was highly emotionally charged for me.  I have been working through some of my relationship experiences and it stirred up some serious fears and frustrations.  I was so filled with anxiety and distracted that I cracked up my car even.

A bunch of things happened that affected me.  After cracking up my car, I texted The Hunky Mechanic.  He doesn’t do body work (at least not on cars– wink, wink, nudge, nudge) but I knew he could give me a referral to some guys that won’t rip me off.

I hadn’t heard from him since the talk about cellibacy so it was a little awkward at first re-establishing contact but he wasn’t angry or otherwise unhappy to hear from me either… So that was good.

Still, I know how The Mechanic’s mind works…  I freaked out a little thinking I was giving him the wrong impression.  I even called Capt. Amazing over it and he talked some sense in to me.

The Mechanic and I had a chance to catch up and during the course of that catching up he said one particular line that stands out to me.  He said “…you know, you push people away as much as you pull them in.”

He has said a few things lately that have really been intuitive.  He also said that he sensed I wasn’t ready for a committed relationship.  Of course, I immediately objected… but the truth is, he’s right.   I’m freakin’ terrified.

I was sitting in my living room at one point… writing in my journal about such things, when I looked up and saw a flash of red.

I stood and turned to look out my windows to the north.  At the stop sign on the corner I saw a red 2011 Dodge Challenger come to a stop.  My jaw dropped and I was staring in complete disbelief.  Can’t you just hear my inner dialogue saying “uhhh, I did NOT just see that”?– blink, blink.

I was jarred back to reality when my son asked what I was looking at.  I wasn’t sure how to tell him I’d just seen The Ambassador’s car drive past our house.

I started to panic and pray the he DIDN’T stop by.  He drove past the house, even though there are a hundred other ways to get around this town without doing that.  I knew he was thinking about me and that was good enough.

I texted Capt. Amazing.  He asked if the guy is stalking me.  I laughed and said he’s harmless, just dysfunctional.  I told Capt. Amazing it’s easier to watch from afar than to interact.  Then I realized, I just prayed he didn’t stop by.  Maybe we are not all that different.

Published in: on October 11, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (7)  
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7 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Glad you’re okay after your car accident!

    • Thanks. Yes.. I’m fine. It was really minor. I was so glad there no other people or vehicles involved.

  2. Someone really close to me is going through some crazy stuff, and her husband left, and this morning she caught him driving by! I know she is forever hoping that magic love story pans out, so weird that you both caught the drive bys today! As always, rooting for you to get to the next chapter in your journey!

    • Ya… I couldn’t believe it. It was all I could do to just blink. I hope our love story pans out too but we both have some serious healing to do. Best of luck to your friend!

  3. personal safety is also love…self love

    • I agree & I guarantee my personal safety was never at risk… Capt Amazing only asked because he’s very protective of me.

      • good.

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