Can I Get Some Emotional Closure, Please?

Darth Vader's funeral pyre... cool, huh?So, I had the dream, and then I looked over all the seemingly hundreds of pages I’d journaled about my mother.  When it seemed there was nothing left to do…  I went after emotional closure, which requires action.

So, in the Dr. Phil book, he suggests all sorts of things to gain emotional closure.  He suggests confrontation, as long as it won’t hurt anyone or make things worse.  He suggests visiting someone’s grave and yelling at them, or writing someone a letter…  blah, blah, blah.

I decided confronting my mother would do no good.  She’s in a really dark place and stopped protecting her ego long ago.  She would only absorb my critisisms, apologize, take responsibility and then begin smashing herself over the head with my negative words as well as her own.  Plus, I’ve confronted her before.

For me, I chose trial by fire…  or rather closure by fire.  I pulled everything out of my house that were remnants of bad times in my childhood, or my mothers negativity.  There was a stack of old journals I was keeping when I was about 15 years old…. and a couple shirts my Mom sent.  One of the shirts said something like “Does it annoy you that I’m always right?”  –Damn, my mother is just like that… and I hate that about her!  Threw it in the pile.

I put it all together in a metal bucket and started it on fire.  I stood over the symbolic funeral pyre watching the smoke rise and dissipate in the air.  I visualzied my abusive childhood with her and the self flagellation I have hung on… rising in to the air and disappearing.

I had to keep stoking the fire… Turns out notebooks and t-shirts aren’t as easy to burn as you might think.   As I turned over the charred contents of the bucket and watched the flames rise, I thought “This is much like the negative self talk…  I’m going to have to keep on top of it for a while and play close attention to correct that behavior.”

I stood around for near an hour praying, visualizing, mediating, stoking the fire and watching the smoke rise.  In the end it was done and despite my initial skepticism, I actually did feel as thought I’d closed the book on the whole thing with Mom.  No more debt to be paid.  No more baggage to carry around about it.   Case closed.

Published in: on October 7, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (2)  
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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Sounds cleansing. Peace of mind is everything.

    • It was cleansing & like most things lately, it took WAY longer than I’d hoped.

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