I Hate Your Stupid Car

Cadence:  He texted me the other day.  He bought a new car.

Capt. Amazing:  I thought you were done with him after the voice message thing?

Cadence:  I love him, D.  I’m praying for change.  I’m a prisoner of hope. — but keeping my distance until or unless I see some change though.

Capt. Amazing:  I understand.


He understands because he’s been there.  He’s been through the same types of things with the women he has loved.  Somehow we can manage to hate the behavior but love the man (or woman in Capt. Amazing’s case).  I tell ya folks, I know you’re tired of hearing about him and in truth… I wish I hated him but like the poem… not even a little, not even at all.

In fact, our most recent text conversation started out with him asking me if I still super hated him.  *sigh*  Not even a little, not even at all.

You see, what happened was, he called and asked to take me out…  Dinner, or whatever.  He didn’t care.. just wanted to see me.  He had that sort of “aww shucks” sound in his voice.  I know that tone with him.  So… I thought about it for quite some time.  Do I see him, or do I not?  It’s been three months since the unforgettable night star-gazing on the tailgate of his truck.  After a few hours, I made some arrangements for the kids and called him back to let him know…  That’s when I heard it… some goofball message saying whoever was calling, he’d call back unless it was THE GIRL, or some other guys that I don’t know… but I recognized THE GIRL’s name.

He started seeing this gorgeous but also mean ass crazy girl like right after the night on the tailgate, so hearing her name was brutal…  In the words of Carrie Bradshaw “that was like takin’ a bullet.”  I immediately hung up on his stupid voicemail.  When he called back I rejected his invitation and called him out on all sorts of stuff… but in my own calm, caring, but matter of fact way.

I didn’t hear from him again for a few weeks, then the text messages about the stupid car.  He bought a new car.  He could have bought anything…  Single guy, no kids, no responsibilities but him and his dog… He coulda bought himself a Maserati, hell, he could have bought himself a Porsche but no…  He bought a kick ass Red Dodge Challenger.

Now, I am kind of car girl… It’s not that I can work on cars, or am obsessed with NASCAR like some redneck girl… but I love some American heavy metal…  the curvy sexy all american muscle car gets my heart racing.  The Ambassador knows this..  He loves this about me.  We’ve gone to car shows together…  I let him drive my charger a bunch of times…  He even talked about buying one, if we wouldn’t look like such dorks being a couple and both driving the same car…

I don’t know…  Maybe it doesn’t mean anything… he just liked the car… but why message me about it?  Why message me at all?  He’s the one that ended our relationship.  He’s the one talking to other people… or who knows what else.  Why contact me at all?  I wish there were others to write about for you guys, but my heart’s just not thereIt would be so much simpler to hate him, and give it up once and for all.


I hate the way you push and pull

and I hate your stupid car

But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you

not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all

Published in: on September 9, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (16)  
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16 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Damn him! Why does he keep doing this to you??? He treats you like a fall-back girl. Whenever it doesn’t work out with someone else he calls you. He is such a gamer, always lying and he was so mean to you after he left! Good for you not to accept. You deserve SO MUCH better. (What a cheeseball for buying the same car and calling u. I so love the Charger too tho!!!)

    • No.. he’s still talking to THE GIRL. He wasn’t calling me cuz it didn’t work out, he called cuz he misses me. He’s tryin’ to be “friends” without having to commit to a relationship. like that line from Happy Gilmore where he says… whaaaat? Friends listen to endless love in the dark! Nope, not in the market for a fake boyfriend… only the real kind will do.

      • Uff! even worse. You’ve got it straight tho. “no fakes!” Good for you!

      • No fakers need apply. Now don’t get me wrong… I’m not suggesting anyone commit to a relationship instantly. There is a time for getting to know someone but this man knows me well enough. Its been over a year & that going slow stuff worked. He knows me inside & out.

      • I agree totally. These days I’m thinking ‘only fools rush in.’ No more trains wrecks.

      • That can certainly wreck ya… even worse for me has been ignoring my intuition along the way. You ever do that? I found myself in some big fiery derailments from doing that!

      • Ya totally! Sometimes I tried to rationalize or make excuses – BAD! …No more. I started to pay attention and listen to the gut… and it’s working. No more train wrecks.

  2. Ohhh. Makes me mad. This guy is my Trucker. Playing a game when things don’t work out with someone else but still I can’t hate him!
    And seriously on the car thing…. weird

    • Oh I don’t mean you’re weird about cars! Him buying one texting you about it is…

      • It’s ok.. there’s plenty of weirdness in me. Lol. He didnt buy the same model I have. He basically bought the suped up more expensive 2D version. I have a charger… He bought a challenger… still kinda weird right? Maybe we just have similar tastes. If I coulda bought any car I wanted on the planet… I’d have bought a challenger too.

    • I don’t believe The Ambassador is playing a game. I think his heart is here with me but if he admitted that, it might change his whole world. Still love him but don’t love the behavior.

      • Ha! well I don’t think (or at least I sure hope) the Trucker isn’t playing games with me intentionally… Intentional or not, it is still a game 🙂

      • I suppose it is if u see it that way… after all, there is no reality, only perception.

  3. great post…your emotional honesty is an inspiration…thanks for share.

    • Thank you. It’s tough sometimes because I worry about how it is going to be received by the readers. I just try to stay true to writing my journey.. like it or not & stats be damned!

      • you are writing very well….thank you. Walter.

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