Daphne’s 9 Types of Lovers

So, I zipped through a book today, because as you guys know–  I’m a readin’ machine.  The title immediately intrigued me being “The 9 Types of Lovers;  Why we love the people we do & how they drive us crazy.” by Daphne Rose Kingma.

I’m fascinated by all sorts of descriptions of personality types, and I have heard the author’s name before…  So, I picked it up.  It was an interesting read.  I think the author pretty accurately described some behavior, but other descriptions seemed a bit too extreme.  Still, a fascinating read.  The moniker’s she gave the personalities are fairly self-explanatory..  I’m gonna list them below with a short description and I’ll include where I fit in, as well as some of the characters you’ve been reading about in this blog…

Keep in mind though, you’ve really got to read the more in-depth descriptions to be able to pin someone down.  I had a little trouble with it at first, even with people I’m extremely close to.  Anyway, here goes…

The Attention Seeker:  Vivacious, accomplished, charismatic, but also struggles with a bit of narcissism.  (Duke & Capt. Amazing)

The Emoter:  Exciting and fun but also volatile and unpredictable.  When I think “crazy bitch” this is the personality type that comes to mind.

The Cool Cucumber:  Steady and responsible but emotionally closed off.  Not only will the cucumber deny his own emotions, and yours as well but he’ll deny emotions exist at all.  (My ex-husband, and The Hunky Mechanic)

The Skeptic:  Funny, intelligent, charming and witty but also the ambivalent rubber band man or woman.  (The Ambassador of Ambiguity)

The Workaholic:   Successful, driven leaders, overachievers, but also constantly keep busy to avoid emotional intimacy

The Perfectionist:  Martha Stewart types, organized, hard-working, but also have incredibly high expectations, not just for themselves but for others as well.  (The Sultry School Teacher)

The Fantasizer:  In the author’s words “Sweet natured romantics”.   The dreamers who are often crushed when a relationship ends.   (This one is ME..  Did you already figure that out?  lol.  Also possibly Mr. Cool)

The Controller:  Decisive, and confident but they also tend to want to run other people’s lives.  (Mr. X)

The People Pleaser: Caretakers, always ready to accommodate others but often at their own expense.  (The Sweet Tri-Athlete, The Young Firefighter)

The author goes quite in-depth about each of the personality types.  I took issue with her descriptions though, because she described the personalities in such negative terms.  She made me wonder how anyone ever ends up in a relationship.

The author also describes which personality types seem to be happiest with each other.  An intriguing and quick read.  Maybe worth a look.

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Published in: on August 28, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (5)  
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5 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Do you ever wonder if these book are preventing you from enjoying your life? Everyone has a type or a label and everything has a rule.

    The only rule should be “do I like it”

    If you like types, you should read C Jung.

    BTW. how do you read so fast? My anxiety and depression make reading so slow and difficult I am embarrassed. Do you have a nook or kindle?

    • I’m actually not a fast reader but I have a lot of time to do it. I work a 12 hour graveyard shift where I have to be at my desk waiting for the phone to ring. One shift & I had this little read knocked out.

      I don’t worry that reading or what I read interferes with my enjoying life. It helps me understand people’s behaviors & motivations & people fascinate me. I realize that people are all individual and unique but the author found a fun way to point out some intriguing patterns she has seen over a few decades of counseling.

      • I agree. I like categorizing because it helps me understand and see patterns. However, I also recognize that labels have limits and that none of us can be neatly summed up in a few words (or even pages).

      • Great explanation… it is a good way to see patterns.

  2. Definitely interesting, thank you for sharing!


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