Let’s Make a Plan

Sensual Cellibacy by Donna Marie Williams

So, the Sensual Cellibacy book came.  I zipped right through it in about day.   It was good.. The author took a pretty moderate approach in writing the book.  It wasn’t  religious or scientific really… and best of all, it approached the topic of cellibacy from a standpoint that encourages the reader to decided what is right for them.

The book talked about a period of cellibacy being a time to focus your energies on your goals, etc.  It helps the reader make cellibacy more manageable by giving direction in how to re-focus your energies and gain a new perspective.

I had already been pulling projects together, and plotting goals.  The truth is, my heart is thankful for the break.  I can breath a sigh of relief to be staring down a break from trying to manage dating sights, or schedule coffee dates, or having my hopes grow, only to be dashed not much later.  I could use some rest.

In fact, in this begining phase of my crazy little experiment, I’m not going to be dating at all.  Until I get to a place where I can look at dating in a playful positive light again, I’m on a break.

There were many wonderful things to absorb in the book.  The author talks a lot about the power of our sexuality, and how as women, not only are we recieving a man physically but also recieving and retaining his energy as well.

For me, that’s very true…  I’m certainly an “earthy woman” like she describes in her book.  I crave that physical touch..  The soulful intertwining of bare bodies, breathing in synchronicity… tongue tied and twisted..  but I’m tired of sharing that intimacy with men who I know in my heart are unavailable.

Here are some quotes from the book:

To me, sex meant I would be recieving his essence in to my body and spirit.

Sex deepens the relationship only if true intimacy has already been achieved.

As much as possible I infuse sensuality into every aspect of my life, from the clothes I wear to the sheets I sleep in.  Even my prayers are romantic and passionate.

Women and men practicing sensual cellibacy have the golden oppotunity to get to know each other on deeper, more meaningful levels.

Relationships don’t work if each partner is thinking of self and is being stingy with self.

The pursuit of a relationship, or the attempt to try and keep one, can cause great anxiety.

We must learn to fearlessly confront uncomfortable emotions.

In talking, we heal.

Sensual Cellibacy helped me shore up and organize some of my thoughts and goals…  I didn’t originally know how long I wanted to take on this whole cellibacy thing..  but now I’m thinking at least 6 months.  I’ve got some things I need to take care of (resolve my anxiety disorder, get real estate license, finish writing my book, etc) and I don’t need the distractions from dating or other sexy entanglements.

Once I get through some of these tasks, and when my heart feels ready, I’ll start dating again, but even then–  I intend to hold out on doing the deed until I’m in a relationship where there is caring, cooperation, and committment.

Once I get out there again, I’m sure dating is going to be tricky with that plan in mind but I can handle it.  If dude disappears when he hears he’ll have to hold out then I guess it wasn’t meant to be.

So—  that’s the cellibacy plan for now.  I’ll keep you posted.  🙂

Published in: on July 24, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (7)  
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7 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I thought you were not doing any more self help books? 🙂

    I too have anxiety disorders (many of them) and it sure sucks.

    I have rules that block opportunities to live a fulfilled life. These anxieties block me from doing things that may lead to a happier life. They are blocking me from getting to what I value. They pretend they are helping me and keeping me safe but they are really preventing me.

    It sucks to be trapped in fear and the rules that fear creates. Mostly I create my own rules though.

    • I was on a break from the self help stuff but we are progressing through therapy now… I have some rules that prevent me from living too but that is not the case here. I need a break to heal my heart and let go of the past so I can move forward. Plus, it’s a healthy thing to look at our behavior patterns and make modifications when we can see that our actions haven’t been working to our benefit.

      You made a very thought provoking comment here though. Rules that prevent me from living.. definitely something to mull over. Funny how just the way something is phrased can give it more impact than it might otherwise have had. Thank you.

  2. Have all of these ‘transformations’ you’ve started recently been due to the way the relationship with The Ambassador ended? Or have you decided to take the bull by the horns no matter what happened there?

    • Good question, Blaze. I have been mulling over how to answer it. This journey is one that I was on before I met The Ambassador. I am certainly changed by him, just as we learn from and are changed by all people we’ve been emotionally connected to.. But I’m not out in the world trying to achieve personal goals because I feel some how inadequate because things didn’t work out. I like who I am and I want to keep growing — for me. I want to make my life as good, as happy, and as healthy as it can be.. where ever the roller coaster of life takes me.

      I do think I’m in a flurry of activity right now though. I’ve got a lot of energy to pour out in to whatever projects I choose. It’s not only energy that I’m no longer putting in to that relationship but also a drive to keep busy so I’m not sitting at home stewing.

  3. Amazing! I’ve been celibate for religious reasons for like more than three years now, and all I can say is that it’s amazing! I mean, yes, it’s difficult, but like it forces you to save your energy and make focus on other things that matter. Not to mention, saving yourself a lot of potential headaches too as sex tends to complicate things I find…


    • Pink,
      I am glad you’re finding it amazingly productive, but I have to admit, my first thought was — “Oh God I hope this cellibacy thing (for me) doesn’t last for three years!” lol

      • LOLOL! Yeah, I understand, it’s tough! I’m sure you’ll find the way…


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