A Few Messages and A Dog

Call it intuition, or call it dumb luck but after I published that last post saying “maybe today will be the day he contact me”, The Ambassador actually did touch base.

He sent a simple email in response to my birthday wishes.  It was sort of odd though, it started out saying “I thought you were through with me.”  I just rolled my eyes at that.  I think he feels guilty.  He knows what he did was messed up and expects me to hate him.

I don’t hate anyone.  I stand by what I said in that letter a few weeks ago.  I love him, but if he’s going to come back around he needs to come correct.  Plus, I’m no hypocrite.  All the things he’s done, I’ve done them to someone else at some point too, and worse.

I sent a simple reply, then he forwarded me an email with some Harley riding philosopher’s social commentary on it.  I didn’t even read it but I did look at the list of recipients.  There were three girls on the list in addition to me.  I shook my head and deleted it without replying.  I have to admit, that pissed me off.

I thought about it for a while.  I’m really not someone who has a problem with friends of the opposite sex, after all  Captain Amazing is one of my absolute closest friend.  We talk every day.  I’m not really a jealous person either, so why was it bothering me?

I don’t like to be one of the crowd, for one.  Don’t lump me in with other girls!  I also don’t like to be treated like an option.  If you ever find yourself looking at people like options, instead of people (and I’ve done it), let me warn you… It’ll come back to bite you.  I guarantee.  People can sense that kind of thing.  I also realized he was probably “talking” to those girls when we were together.

I remember at one point he suddenly up and deleted his Facebook.  I thought it was a little odd, but sometimes The Ambassador does things that just don’t make much sense.  When I asked him why, he just said he had better things to do–  like loving me.  It didn’t take him long to re-activate it though.  Made no difference to me either way.  I had no reason not to trust him.

Oooh, now the whole damn thing makes sense!  I can’t say I’m happy about it, but it just tells me a little something about The Ambassador of Ambiguity.  I think he has a little trouble leading his heart, instead of running after the next shiny thing on a whim.  *sigh*

He texted me a few days after that with a picture of dog.  He adopted himself a dog who he absolutely loves.  I’m surprised The Ambassador went so long without a furry friend.  He’s great with dogs.  My little chiweenie loved him so much that whenever The Ambassador interacted with him he’d get so excited that he’d pee a little!

The Ambassador of Ambiguity is a big fan of The American Pit Bull, and the under dog.  He’s rescued several abused pits and nursed them back to health.  There were two in particular that he told me about.  He poured his heart and soul in to these dogs as well as his time and his money, and was absolutely destroyed at the tragic end to each dog’s life.  I’m sure those events contributed to his “everything I love, I lose” mentality.  I think after burying two in a row, his heart just needed a break.

I replied with congratulations.  It’s good The Ambassador got another dog.  He committed to another soul, even if it is hairy and walking on four legs.  He opened his heart, and did it when he was led to… He had planned to buy a home before getting another dog, but one day he was drawn to the shelter and just happened to find the happiest looking pit bull on the planet.

Well, that’s good for him to be moving in a positive direction.   Can’t say it really means anything in my world though.  I’m not even sure why he told me, to tell you the truth.  It’s a far cry from the “Come to Jesus moment” it would require for me to get excited about him again.  As I puttered around the house that day, I thought to myself…  “Good for you, dude…  Have a nice life.”

Published in: on July 8, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (13)  
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13 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Your value is to have a positive relationship with someone who has the same (or very similar) value that you have. Probably a man

    The other man with the much to powerful pseudonym does not have meet your value.

    Move on to another man or person (doesn’t have to be a man)

    Thoughts about the other man do not help you move forward towards your value so recognize that and drop the thoughts. They do not help you towards your values.

    Posting comments helps me to reach my values of being social so in spite of the extreme anxiety it causes me, I do it anyway.

    • If I were to move on & find another man at this point it would just be an attempt to hide from my hurt… I’m not going to do that this time. I’m going to feel my feelings and have my thoughts until my heart is healed.

      Thanks for commenting. 🙂

  2. Aren’t your tired of blogging about the Ambassador?

    You need a new set of guys in your harem don’t you think?

    • I will look for some new topics, but I’ll pass on the “harem”… lol

      • You are a good writer.

        Write some fiction. Life of the PUA and the opposite, the life of a guy who has issues getting out and being social. Actually they maybe the same person…

        Take one of your work calls and turn it into an interesting short story

      • I am writing some fiction. I’ve gotten through the first two chapters of writing my first novel, but I want to keep the subject of this blog consistant. It’s about my search for a soul mate, and all the insanity, frustration, sadness, and bliss that goes along with it.

  3. You don’t have to post this but look at this link for “values” and see if it can help you get over the conflicts you have (you are still a great writer!) It is a therapy type I participate in called ACT or acceptance and commitment therapy.


    • This is a great link. I’m happy to post it. The truth is, our values are very much aligned which I think is part of what is making this so incredibly difficult for me… it’s a complicated situation and the only ones I know who understand how I feel and why seem to be the ones who have seen us together. Even still, the relationship is over and I have to move forward… I’m doing it, but it’s a bumpy road. I’m not sailing along quickly and smoothly. I’m sorry it’s frustrating for some readers, but I am sure there are others who have experienced the same kinds of things. It’s all part of healing, growing and learning…. and part of my journey.

  4. We’re all very complicated creatures, even in our apparent simplicity. I find that we do things that can be hurtful without really understanding why.

    Maybe that’s why we all like dogs so much. They’re very upfront about their feelings.

  5. Each day you get to release and share your emotions, is another day you have gained wisdom within your heart… 😀


    • Thanks Pink.. sometimes it’s a real struggle but I keep trudging along.

      • Yes, and before you know it, you will look back and see how you got here from there… 😀


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