Simply Unforgettable

“I’m off work” said The Ambassador of Ambiguity, with excitement in his voice.

“Uhhh, Ohh” I replied “I’m still waiting for the Xanax to kick in.”

“Has to take a Xanax to see me,” he sing-songed “I’ll go home and take a shower.  Call me when you’re calm.”  He had such an understanding tone to his voice.  Always understanding.  He handles me so gently.

“Maybe you’d better come over when you’re ready.  Sometimes it takes me a few minutes after I see your face.”

“I’ll take a stool softener.  That oughta slow me down.” he said.

“Haaaaaaahahaha!”  There was that roaring laughter he always gave me.  I was doubled over holding the phone.  “I am going to meditate.  It probably sounds goofy.”

“It doesn’t sound goofy,” he replied, and then we hung up so I could get my neurosis management on.

He arrived wearing a grey and black striped dress shirt and jeans.  This is dressy for The Ambassador.  He’d made an effort.  I was wearing a fairly casual flowy plaid skirt, calf length and sandals.  I was doing whatever I could to calm my anxiety, and this comfortable skirt with the berry colored tee and sweater were just the ticket.  Oh, and my hair in low pig tails.  Gotta love the playful pigtails, although I wasn’t feeling all that playful…  just nervous.

He sat to talk with me for a little while.  He could tell I wasn’t quite ready to go yet–  despite the 1 1/2 Xanax I took hours before.

“We don’t have to go.  We can go to the place around the corner, or order take out and stay here.  Whatever you want.  You’re making too much out of this.  I just want to see you.”

“You’re probably right” I said.  In therapy I’m learning that it’s not the even that is causing my anxiety, but what I am manufacturing out of it… and all the games I play with myself.  The ‘what if’s.  I took a deep breath and we got in the car.

The restaurant was buzzing but not overwhelmingly packed.  We laughed and talked… at one point the subject of our break up came up.  He squirmed a bit, and said “is it hot in here?” then asked if I minded if he removed his button up shirt and sat in the white ribbed tank he wore underneath.

“I don’t mind at all,” I said.  Not at all… as my eyes caressed his muscular shoulders.  I offered to let the conversation drop, but he said it was fine as long as it didn’t become confrontational.

“I have nothing to confront you about” I said.  We chatted a little about it but what really stuck with me was when he said “I just need to grow the hell up.”  Hmmm-  I agree.  That line was also very similar to something The Sultry School Teacher said about our situation.  She said he either needs to grow and up and deal with the scary stuff or be on his way.

The scary stuff for The Ambassador is so deeply rooted.  With a brutal childhood and bouncing around foster car, then the suicide of his closest brother, protector, tormentor and friend…  He once said to me “Everything I love, I lose.”

We got back in the truck and discussed ways to prolong our evening.  As we got closer to town, I suggested we stop at our star-gazing spot.  It’s a special spot for us.

When we first met, The Ambassador once spontaneously came by the house and swept me away to go look at the stars there.  It was a cute story, since it was cold and the wind had kicked up…  We ended up standing up some flattened cardboard boxes in the back of his truck to block the wind.  I giggled recounting that as we pulled in and The Ambassador shook his head.  “So embarrassing.  I was trying to be romantic.”

“It was romantic!” I assured him and told him I’d never forget.

We also came out to this spot the night my new kitten died.  I had went by his house, and then returned home to find my perfect little kitten lifeless on the floor.  I was a complete emotional wreck!  We had just lost a cat we’d had for 13 years the week before, and now this.  How was I going to explain it to the kids?  I sobbed.

“Your going to be a good Mom and lie your ass off” he said.  We laughed together, and he scooped the baby kitten up.  We got in the truck and drove to that same spot, and laid him in a farmer’s field.  All The Ambassador’s idea and I loved it.

Now here we were again.

He lifted me on to the tailgate, and there we sat under a blanket looking at the stars.  Country music streamed from the cab of the truck and floated on the breeze.  We talked, laughed so much my sides hurt, and dreamed together.  He sat close, putting an arm around me, then holding my hand.  Absolutely in bliss just being together.

Hours went by in the blink of an eye, and although I didn’t want to the night to end…  We had to go.  He had work in the morning.  He drove me home, walked me to the door, and then went on his way.

Unquestionably, irresistibly unforgettable.

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Published in: on June 10, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (5)  
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5 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Oh my gosh, I am so caught up in this story, I just had goosebumps reading… who would want that night to end?? Not me!

    • Me neither… But then again I never wanted any of it to end. I’m crazy about him & have been since day 1.

  2. I’m so glad that you had this moment to reflect and realize how unforgettable you are too. 😀

    Pink.

    • I hadn’t really thought about it like that but I’m so glad you said that. You’re right.. I m unforgettable. 🙂

      • Of course you are! Just remember that, always! 😀

        Pink.


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