Apparently We Are Not On The Same Page -AT ALL

The Hunky Mechanic called me.  He started spouting off all this information about why he was at the racetrack until 2am.  He was talking out of his head and saying things like “I should probably see my girlfriend” and “since we’ve been together.”  OK, we are apparently not on the same page at all.  I wouldn’t call us “together”.  I feel like I’m still getting to know him, since last time around we didn’t really talk.

The Hunky Mechanic continued jabbering on about how the track got messed up and they had to fix it, blah, blah, blah.  This was his attempt to communicate with me.

Seriously, though, I was not worried about why he was at the track til all hours.  I trust him, and when I told him we needed to communicate more… this kind of thing is not what I meant.

You see, The Mechanic is great at social talk.  Mindless bullshit chatter that doesn’t really mean anything.  It’s when it comes to expressing what he’s been thinking or feeling that it becomes a problem.

I explained to him what I meant about needing to communicate and then offered an example “Like when we were hanging out on Tuesday.  It was all awkward and the  conversation was forced, and it’s been weird ever since.”

At first he said “oh?” like he didn’t know what I was talking about.  I told him the kind of communication I wanted was to know what’s in his head and on his heart. About a minute later he finally fessed up that he’d been concerned because he has a urinary tract infection and the Doctor told him not to mess around–  that if he was sexually active, it could be passed back and forth between he and his partner.  So, even the cuddling and kissing stuff– ahem, uh, “leads to something” I think is how he put it, and he’d been stressing over it.  “It’s embarrassing” he said.

Ok, well, that explains it.  Of course, though, I wanted to say “Give me a break, dude.  You are 43 years old!!  You can’t even broach this subject with me until now?  Come on… why not just put it out there and get it out of your head?”

I did tell him, however, that I was glad he didn’t go there because I was not feeling  connected to him at all.  If things had gone there, I’d have probably done it anyway (cuz I’m a horny bitch) and then wished I hadn’t.

I also told The Hunky Mechanic “look, I know how I was before and wanted to have sex all the time, but I think it was because it was the only time I felt connected to you.  I didn’t feel connected all the other times, so I was trying to feel it in bed.”  I let it be known that I wanted to feel really close to someone before I go to bed with them this time around.

To be more clear, I want a close emotionally intimate relationship before I sleep with somebody.  Hopefully I can manage that despite my full throttle sex drive.  I waited for plenty of time with The Ambassador.

I told The Mechanic I think we are VERY different people, and I figured I drove him crazy on Tuesday since I felt like I was badgering him in an attempt to keep the conversation going.  “Don’t give up!” he said.  I rolled my eyes.

I am not giving up, but I’m not going to try to force anything either.  I’m just going to go with the flow for now.  Two reasons… #1 is I am absolutely —dreading— having that talk with him AGAIN. #2 As I have given my relationshipy stuff over to God, I am hoping he’ll find a way to resolve it on it’s own.

We shall see…   The Mechanic stopped by my house to say “hi” before hitting the racetrack again.  We shared a few quick kisses, but it was awkward once again.  Now the last two days I haven’t heard from him at all.

That’s cool, ya know, God’s going to take care of it and in the mean time I continue my quest to manifest my soul mate through The Law of Attraction.  I am still working through clearing out old baggage physically and emotionally.  I’m cleaning out the garage, and journaling and meditating.  I even created a sort of zen alter in the feng shui relationship corner of my bedroom.

I am working on living my best life, right here, right now, and falling in love with ME.

Published in: on May 27, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (8)  
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8 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. loving is an amorous free way…

  2. Good Post. Hopefully one day, men and women will speak the same language, but I am not holding my breath.

    • I think sometimes you have to just keep communicating until there is understanding.. Even if it feels like you’re speaking different languages.

  3. Awesome post, and love your inner voice in reply. The truth is, intimacy, great conversation, that emotional connection, that’s what makes for a great bond, both relationship and physically. It is tough to find both, I agree. So rare.

    • I still don’t understand why it’s so damn difficult to find, but maybe that’s because it’s magic.

      • haha.. timing is everything… 😀


  4. “Mindless bullshit chatter that doesn’t really mean anything”… a personal dealbreaker, for me.
    As far as the “connection”, been there as well. It’s frustrating and infuriating at the same time when it isn’t there.
    Hang in there…

    • Yes, I find myself more and more incapable of bullshit.

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