Meet the Men of My Crazy Dreams

I had just gotten off a 16 hour shift.  Normally I work 12 hour shift, and I’ve been on graveyards lately…  so it’s essentially 7pm to 7am.  Well, today we had a 4 hour training that started at 7am.  By the time I got home, ate something, worked out a little and gabbed with a couple of friends, it had been some 21 1/2 hours since I’d slept.

You’d think I’d be completely exhausted, but I wasn’t.  I must have gotten some kind of second wind, because I didn’t feel all that tired, but I went to bed because I knew I had to get some sleep before reporting back to work at 11pm.

I’m very careful to do everything I can to get enough rest because what I do is super important.  As a public safety dispatcher, not only am I the officer’s lifeline through his radio but I also answer a wide range of 911 calls.  Sleep is important, in fact, I had a highly trained narcotics Officer tell me that once it has been 24 hours since a person has slept–  they have the reactions of a drunk driver with a .1 blood alcohol level.  Yowsa!

So, now that you have some background, I’m sure you won’t be surprised to learn that I had some crazy ass dreams.

In the first dream, I was driving around in my Dodge charger with a couple of girls in the backseat and a man in the front passenger seat.  I don’t know what we were doing other than just driving around, but I knew I was impaired due to lack of sleep.  It was weird, I felt like I had been drinking.  I hadn’t though.

At one point, I blinked and went off the roadway crashing in to the end of a metal guard rail.  It scraped down along the driver’s side door and did some fairly significant damage.  The door was still functional but there was a huuuge scrape along the door.  It was very obvious that I had fucked up my car.

I tried to get back on the road.  For some reason, I felt like I was running from the scene like drunks often do after they crash their car.  Logically my brain was telling me I had done nothing wrong.  I wasn’t drunk and there was no damage to the guard rail I hit, only the car, but as I started to get back on the road I realized I’d better let my passenger drive.  I let the man drive my car, and I thought “What!  I never do that!” because if you remember from a previous post–  Letting someone else have control of the vehicle freaks me out, and especially if it’s a man.  However, in the dream, I rode along in the passenger seat calm and undisturbed.

Then I had another dream right after it, like back to back.  In the second dream, I was standing outside on a sunny day in between my driveway and The Sultry School Teacher’s–  talking to her.  She was expressing her concern that someone was listening in on our phone calls.  More specifically, she had heard a click at the beginning of our most recent call and was certain someone was tapping my phone.  I thought that was weird and wondered if it might be The Ambassador because of the recent break up.  Of course, that makes no sense since he’s the one that bailed, but whatever—  The Ambassador does things that don’t make sense.

So, I went over to his place to talk to him about it, I guess.  I was standing inside the door of his apartment by myself when I heard someone at the door.  I looked out and saw a man standing on the porch, which startled me.   I gasped and immediately attempted to slam the door but a latch from the door got in the way.  It was one of those motel room locks, and the door made that all too familiar bonk that happens when that metal piece blocks the door from closing.  It took another split second for me to fidget with it, but I quickly got it closed and locked.

Just as I slammed the door, The Ambassador came around behind me in his easy positive style, and my fear instantly went away.  Then he said “Ya thought it was me, didn’t ya?”  I realized–  I did and that was what startled me…  funny though, since the guy at the door had a totally different build.

The Ambassador is tall and slim.  The man on the porch had an average height slightly stocky build (much like The Hunky Mechanic) and wore jeans, a blue t-shirt and a ball cap.  His head was down, as if he were looking at the ground.  The caused the hat to tip in such a way that it prevented me from seeing his face.

The Ambassador came up and stood beside me facing the door, and racked the shotgun in his hand.  The seemed really awkward to me, because his affect was the same as always… easy-going and positive–  even though he was obviously in protector mode & didn’t know the dude at the door.

I woke up feeling a little freaked out, like worried about a stalker even though my mind knew it was only a dream.  Part of me thinks dreams are simply a manifestation of something you just talked about or saw and your mind was still chewing on.  Fairly random and meaningless.  While another part of me believes they can be symbolic indicators of issues our subconscious is struggling with.  I’m not totally committed to one idea or the other.

Still, my neurotic need to try to understand and explain everything inspired me to pull my Dream Dictionary by Tony Crisp off the shelf.   I looked up all kinds of objects and aspects of the dreams…  car crash, driving, driver’s side door, and also ex-boyfriend, weapon, shadow character, front door.

It was weird…  There was an awful lot of information about repressed feelings, unresolved issues, life direction and who we let in to our lives.   There was also phrases like “fear of change.”  The most profound point seemed to be the interpretation of “someone at the door”.  The dream dictionary states “someone at the door” is a symbol of opportunity.

SO essentially I was alarmed and a little frightened by opportunity and slammed the door in his face…  nice.  My therapist described it a little differently.  In trying to slam the door and it hitting the block the first time, he said I was feeling alternately safe and unsafe in relationships.  I had to actively stop from rolling my eyes…  I’d say that’s a perfectly accurate description of pretty much my entire relationship with The Ambassador.

What do you think, blogger friends?  Are dreams random coincidence or symbolic messages from our subconcisous?

Published in: on May 17, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (11)  
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11 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. It’s usually a little of both. I know that doesn’t necessarily help, but how the mind works sometimes is a pretty big mystery – even to the guys with the comfy couches.
    The vividness of the dreams is pretty intersting, though.

    • I think you’re right.. It’s a little of both & certainly a mystery. Sometimes I feel like he’s guessing just as much as I am. Lol

    • Seems like we all agree.. A little of both. & you are right– a mystery. Sometimes I feel like my therapist is guessing just as much as I am. Lol

      • I’m pretty much convinced that anything involving how the mind (and heart) works is pretty much guesswork, regardless of the amount of studying, poking, prodding, or analyzing is done. The how and why will always elude us, but we keep striding to understand, to organize, label, assign blame and/or reason… We forget that the brain and the mind are one of the most adaptable organisms that we know of, therefore the true understanding might just elude us *because* it’s adaptable. Like defining the standard shape for a cloud – it’s based on an infinite number of variables that change an infinite number of times… How we process things is the same way. A man will sleep on the couch if there is a fight is a given, but how long and how well are indeterminable.
        Make sense?

  2. I have really crazy deep twisted dreams. By twisted, I mean lots of things going on, complex plots, not demented ideas! LOL. I would love to check out that book… But I always think my dreams tend to be symbolic of the things I am struggling with. Sometimes I believe my dreams have been divine visits from people who are no longer here. Often my dreams seem to echo my fears or my desires, and every now and then it seems like a TV show, movie, or book I’ve just seen or read will sneak its way in there. In fact, I was going to write about my dream last night, in which a lady was trying to take Trenton (the oldest of my adopted clan) away from me, because she was black and I’m not. It was very intense…

    • I love your comment… So revealing & real. Thank you for sharing that. ❤

  3. I think they’re both, and determining which sometimes gains clarity after a few days, although it often disappears from memory within hours. Thank you for sharing! Driving usually symbolizes one’s control in their life. Obviously though, lack of sleep is enough to throw anyone in a loop. And seeing those figures in you dreams often symbolizes wanting to connect on some level or resolving issues that weren’t. Just my thoughts of course. 😀


    • Great thoughts, Pink. I agree about the driving and controlling my life. I’m trying to give over the control to God but it’s a giant inner struggles as I attempt to pry my own grip off this last part of my life.

      • HAHA.. We all do that, or me too, I keep having to remind myself that I’m not alone, I don’t need to worry, and God takes care of me. The ‘dark forces’, think Star Wars, tries to make us forget this. But we must remember. We are not alone. 😀


  4. I’m with Pink, both. Altho I once had a dream I was witnessing a penguin wedding in the back yard of my childhood home, so who the f’ck knows.
    Funny tho – if I have a late night conversation or have been at a party and drinking… after I fall asleep I often dream I am still at the party or still having the conversation.

    • Haha!! Love that- the penguin wedding! Haaa.. We should all blog about dreams all the time. 🙂

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