My Thoughts on The Case For Settling For Mr. Good Enough

“Marry Him” by Lori Gottlieb was a damn good read.  I zipped through it in just a couple of days.  Fascinating and compelling.  On the back cover another author compared the book to He’s Just Not That Into You, saying it would have people talking for years to come.  I’m really not a fan of He’s Just Not That Into You, as I found it a giant oversimplification.  “Marry Him,” however, is not that at all.  I’d say it’s an in-depth look at what’s really important when it comes to long-term committment and marriage.

I was so impressed that the author included thoughts and opinions from all different types of people, single women, dating coaches, matchmakers, single men, married men, married women, even a rabbi.  There were things I agreed with and could identify with but also things I had mixed feelings about.  For instance, it may well be true that marriages lasted longer when people went in to it expecting only to be workmates–  and not look for actualization or personal growth—  that may be true but it doesn’t mean I’m going to stop looking for a relationship I can grow in.  It was incredibly interesting, but I’m not totally convinced that women are just too picky.  If I had to boil it down to one line, that’s what it would be.  The author believes women simply have too high of expectations.  I guess we can only see the world through our own eyes.

I’m not someone that’s overly hung up on looks, or status…  For me the issue is becoming infatuated with qualities that maybe aren’t all that important, and overlooking the things that really matter.  She covered that too, though.

The Ambassador and The Ramblin’ Man were both hilariously funny and easy to banter and connect with.  The Ramblin’ Man’s charm and charisma reeled me back in many times, but he turned out to be pretty selfish and inconsiderate.

The Ambassador was my ultimate in laughing and connecting, but that really doesn’t matter if I can’t count on him.  When I saw my three basic needs weren’t being met, I should have bailed… as painful as it would have been.  My three basics, by the way, are those things I discovered in my highly spiritual day–  gentleness, acceptance, and reliability.

I also got the distinct impression, although of course neither one said it to me directly, that they both were unable to appreciate what was right in front of them because their energy was all burned up looking for something better, better, better…  and maybe I wasn’t the only one putting a whole lot of weight on things that don’t really matter in the long run.

In a very serious way, they are much like my ex-husband.  He is very self-centered, versus partner centered.  Things were good as long as I was following him around, and making his life work.  The minute I got sick and needed a supportive partner, he emotionally checked out.  I definitely don’t want to get in to that again.  It was rather excrutiating.

Anyway, it’s a great and fascinating read…  I can certainly incorporate some of what I read.  I’m certainly going to start off considering compatibility first, being friends, just being myself, and then maybe falling in love.  That route seems far preferable to me.  I admit, I have been looking for the pizazz first.  I’ve been looking for fireworks right off the bat, which sometimes leads me to get all infatuated and hopeful only to later realize our lives don’t really mesh.  OR there are giant red flags… see, then it’s hurtful and I have a terrible time letting go.

I’m off to pass the book along to The Sultry School Teacher.  Can’t wait to hear her take on it!

Published in: on May 13, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (12)  
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12 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. This post came at the perfect time. I’ve been contemplating these issues myself. Gotta pick this one up.

  2. I am so impressed with how much you read. You get through books quickly and that is something to be proud of. Don’t settle for TV like i do 🙂

    • Maybe so, but it def doesn’t help in the moments when I can’t shut my brain off.

      • Work on mindfulness, you will be much better off in those anxious time. 🙂

  3. Love this post and I definitely agree with many of the points you made. Reading your blog is like a mirror of myself. Especially about ex-husbands, and encountering men who keep wanting the Sixth Floor that is not attainable. Thank you so much for sharing. 😀


    • i’m so glad you’re following 🙂

      it’s funny.. I don’t think the men I’ve known are necessarily chasing something unattainable but sometimes they say they want Mary Ann but again and again fall for nothing but Gingers. (Gilligans Island reference)

      • HAHAHA… such a good point! Yes, men are likely as guilty as women for this.. HAHA..


  4. I hate to say this, but it kind of seems like men tend to be more self-centered than women. It’s why they are typically more successful in the work world, so it’s got a purpose I suppose, but I find myself making that same complaint about almost every man I know! (And I know, that comment is gonna make a few men not so happy, but dang, it’s based on experience.)

    • it may seem that way but I have also noticed they often carry around quite a burden as far as what they expect of themselves too… In regards to taking care of their families. They are wired differently than us.. That’s for sure.

      • Good point. I guess that is definitely true… I do notice my hubby worrying about things that I would never sweat over…

  5. a very important post…I feel you are opening your soul for loving in the romantic field…and in the writing I also perceived the insight of Mrs.Good Enough…the inner work for be confident in love

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