Beware The Full Court Press

The Ambassador and I had an intimate email exchange the other day.  It was him revealing some really intense feelings about the brother he lost 6 years ago.  It’s an enormously complicated issue, like everything with The Ambassador, and him sharing his feelings about it was HUGE.  It was a very hefty thing to share.

I was surprised The Ambassador sent it to me, even though we had discussed his brother on many past occasions… Still, I was happy for him.  That’s a huge step toward busting down his intimacy wall.  Good for him!

I mentioned said letter to Captain Amazing and he immediately began to ask me questions like “So, what are you going to do if he wants to get back together?”  What if, what if, what if…  I replied.

“I’m not going there.  I am looking for a partner.  I can’t even count on him to stick around when things are going good.  What happens when life gets rough?  What if someone gets cancer?  And in life, bad things do inevitably happen.  What then?  I’m laid up and my life is spinning out of control because my partner disappeared in to thin air?  Nope.  Can’t do it.  He may change, but it’s not going to happen over night…. or even in a week or a few weeks or a month.”

Captain Amazing thinks The Ambassador is prepping for a full court press.  This shocked me.  I hadn’t interpreted his email as reaching out to attempt to get back together.  I had just responded with my accepting, understanding self with no attachment to any outcome.

I mentioned this to Mr. X, who also agreed that there is a full court press in my future.  Mr. X, however, shed some light on this all too common phenomenon.  A full court press, as in giving it everything you’ve got to accomplish a goal.

Mr. X said that when it comes to getting a girl back, the problem is, the full court press can get you where you want to be (ie:  back with your girl) but the problem is… it doesn’t denote any real change.  The full court press in a situation like this simply serves to remove the panic being felt when you think you may have made a huuuuge mistake.  Once the goal is accomplished, however, you’re right back where you were before.

I thought about The Ambassador’s text message break up— and the subsequent “let’s be official” talk that came after it.  He said he’d had some magical epiphany realizing that everything he’s looking for is standing right in front of him (me), and while that may have been true— there was no real change.  Things were good at first, but it didn’t take long before he was feeling all terrified again.

“There is a wide chasm between knowing what you want, and being ready to receive it.”  — Katherine Woodward Thomas

So, now I’m staring down the possibility of yet another change on heart on his part…  At this point, though, I’m not too worried.  It turns out the only heart that matters in this particular situation is mine.

Published in: on April 17, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (5)  
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5 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I agree with the fellas….he had a wake call from the distance. He, like others, realizes what they had when it is absent. He felt your heart slowing for him, so now he is racing to speed it back up. I like the fact that you understand that you have to want what you need, not need what you want. Remember I endorse chasing something until yours heart no longer wants to run and I guess you’re ready to run in a different direction. He had a woman that had her heart on the table and he refused to swallow it; not that he can’t afford it he want to spend everything he has just for a taste. You like I, is a fighter of love….though we see the smiles of those giving into lust, we continue to give our lives to wait for the real thing!!!!

  2. For some, it’s all about the chase, and while it could be argued that the chase is kept alive even in marriage, the issue becomes, as you said, the lack of stability (which is what us types of gals need or else end up feeling insecure and unsupported). And for ego, there are those who feel a sense of accomplishment but in the end, you end up pining for their affection. They say it’s called a break-up because something is broken. I believe repair is only possible when someone acknowledges that they are lacking in some area. Otherwise, it sits on a rocky foundation.

    So proud of your journey in realizing how far you have come, and to climb back down to where you came from… it wouldn’t be progress. And you have achieved much. 😀


    • Idk if it’s the chase for him or what it is. I am totally spent from trying to figure him out. He still makes my tummy flip-flop but I am going to fry all my frickin’ brain cells if I keep tryin’ to figure him out!

      • Awwww… you know, they say women are complicated, but like guys have their issues too, if not worse because they don’t communicate them with anyone and remain stuck. Us women, we have the advantages of social bonding to help us mature and move forward. Thank goodness we are women! Roarrr…

        And as for your dilemma, there’s this amazing book called Women Who Love Too Much: (I think it should have 90% available online), and Norwood says: the question is not about whether to stay or to go, what you have to ask yourself is what is it that you need to be healthy. Because once you answer this you realize that it’s about whether or not you are with him, but what it is you need to be healthy in your life.

        Hope that helps our dearest Wonder Woman!


      • I looove the quote. I read that book about 15 yrs ago & found it so profound that it’s the only one I have two copies on my shelf. One to keep and one to give away.. Maybe I need to hit it again. Thank you for your encouragement and insight. 🙂

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