Have I Traded Quantity for Quality?

Springing off some comments made to my “Available Men Only Please” post…  Cakes McCain author of http://pastaforone.wordpress.com/ said something about our dating pool shrinking as we get older, while Amazingly Brash discussed the deeper intensity we gain with age.  Check out the comment Amazing Brash made: 

The dating pool doesn’t lose its water (fluidity) with age, we just tend to swim further out and not everyone is ready for the depth of trending; they’d rather keep their feet on the ground. They hide behind secrets rather than truths, sex instead of communication, and lust over love. Regardless of the age anyone looking for permanence will have less to choose from in a world full of people that fear commitment. I say, the only way to stop attracting emotionally unavailable people is to be emotionally available. Anyone looking for the real thing will embrace that type of purity with some purity of their own. I understand the risk of love but I also understand the risk we take without it; I will always take my risk in love. It may take 100 times but once I hit the jackpot I’ll be wealthy forever. Faith over fear is the only way to capture someone that will captivate your existence!!!!

(find him at http://amazinglybrash.com/

I was very taken with his words and I began to wonder if I haven’t officially traded quantity for quality.  Over the past year, I have met some truly phenomenal people and managed to remain friends with several of them even though we are no longer embroiled in any type of romantic relationship.  I honestly believe it’s because I have made the trade— and I am THRILLED!  I have dated less, but gained more.

The size of the dating pool bothers me very little these days, as I can see the quality of people I manifest in my life has gotten much higher.  I know the soul mate I’ve been looking for and  the extraordinary relationship I’m envisioning are on-the-way.

Now, I’m not perfect… I ignore red flags, expect too little, and give men too many chances, but I can see great improvement and growth in myself regarding relationships.

The men I have chosen to spend time with over the last year have been men of solid character.  They are men that I truly connect with and feel honored to still have their friendship in my life.  It’s actually quite a difference from the previous 3 or 4 years where I seemed to be dating all willey nilley.  I’ve now begun to date consciously.  No longer am I spending time with men who are wildly inappropriate.  So, my next task in my search for a soul mate?  —Honor my intuition because when I don’t—  it roughly smacks me in the face.  More to come on that later…

Isn’t that what it all comes down to?  Progressing toward our ideal?  Now, it’s not all hearts and flowers… when things don’t work out with someone you are a good match with, it hurts like holy hell, but we stand up again, and dust ourselves off.  For those of us who live inspired, adventurous, ambitious lives — it’s allll progress.  Do you see growth and progress in your romantic life, readers??  Or is it just me?

Published in: on April 12, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (16)  
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16 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. You touched my heart with this one….I felt the shout!!!! Glad my words took shape in your heart. I have been “Searching 4 a Soul Mate” (since 16), so i can relate. I will find her if it takes my last breath; she will be my success!!!!

  2. Reblogged this on Pink Ninjabi and commented:
    As I seem to be stuck in a writer’s block rut, here is an excellent blog on what it’s like for us commitment phobes who are trying to make ourselves emotionally available to the good quality soul mates out there. Ameen.

    • Odd that it takes so much effort to make ourselves available, buuut it does. I think for me the largest, possibly most important factor is ACCEPTANCE. That we fully accept ourselves. When I have that in place it feels all ok to share it with someone else. Love it or leave it, sucka!

  3. Wow, you nailed it, totally. And I completely understand as I’m reading the same book as well. It has really made me rethink how I approach commitment, and how I need to view it as someone who complements me, not compromises me. It makes me realize that I need to take my needs seriously, and to be with someone who does too. Above all, it has taught me that there is nothing someone can give more than I can give myself. As in, love and happiness, I can give to myself. There is no ‘waiting’, since no one can give me more than I learn to give myself.

    Thank you for changing my life. 😀 You and many other bloggers who have been part of the growth I seek. 😀


    • Thanks for the re-blog… & letting me know I am in some way a part of your positive growth & change. Cheers to that & the deeper more satisfying happiness that comes from it!

  4. It’s all about growth. Have told myself many times that I am picking the wrong men because I’m still not ready to be with the right one. Acknowledging and listening to intuition is a brilliant task! Something that I need to adopt as well. It is usually right, funny how one tries to ignore it

    • Looking back I can see SO many times when I knew it… I -knew- how it was gonna end. KNEW IT! And kept hangin’ on. I tell you though, in listening… What is for me, giving it to God… So much pressure is relieved.

  5. No time for romance quite yet, but time is something I hope to have more of soon, and then… we shall see!

    • Sounds like you’re going with the flow… Good for you! Wish it was easier for me.

      • I think it might help that I work too damn much LOL! Sleep and work… ofc, that’s no fun and not very satisfying, so I’m changing things… and then I’m sure I’ll be getting crushed out on the dating scene hee hee!

      • ya, I would guess that might be interfering. Lol

  6. great post.

    • Thank you, Cakes… But I also should have mentioned — You are right, for women, the dating pool does shrink as we get older. No matter who you are, or what you look like– once ti’s out there, you are categorized. Meanwhile men all the way up to their 40s are swimming in a pool filled with women in their 20s, 30s, and 40s. There is certainly a shift.

  7. Reblogged this on AmazinglyBrash.

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