Calling in “The One”

In the wake of all this Ambassador business, I have started what I’m calling a personal growth project.  I bought a book called Calling In “The One”:  7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life. by Katherine Woodward Thomas.  She featured the following quote at the top of one of her chapters, and so far to me it aptly describes her program.

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all of the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.  –A Course in Miracles

So far, I have moved through 13 “lessons” out of the 49 in the book.  The activities suggested are meditations (if you have a hard time sitting still like that, the author talks about a walking meditation too), lots of journaling, going through your day with awareness of a particular topic and the occasional project…  The collage has been my total favorite.

This course is no foolin’ around kind of self-help.  It’s therapy printed between two covers and a spine.  I have done my chair of personal growth with the help of licensed therapists, etc and I’m telling you– this book is GOOD.  It’s a hell of a lot better than several of the counselors I’ve worked with!

In my opinion a therapist has two main purposes… The first is to let you talk it out.  The second is to guide you toward healing.  That means directing you towards books & activities that will be helpful, and making sure you are asking yourself the right questions.  This book covers the last two very well, and I’m leaning on The Sultry School Teacher for the talking things out.

I have worked with professionals long enough to know what kind of therapy really resonates with me.  For me, even during meditation, I need to speak things out loud.  For me, that is the required activity in order for my head to make a connection with my heart.  So… I’ve been workin’ it.

The book has sent me straight in to sorting out and resolving issues related to my parents, as well as my past relationships.  It’s covered unconscious agreements with yourself and others…  Awareness really is the first step in change.  Once you become aware of an issue or a problem, you can then take action to change it.

It’s been tough.  I have uncovered some issues I didn’t realize I had.  I started with asking myself why I continue to attract unavailable men…  I have come to the conclusion that I have fears, so I am attracting fear.

You see, I remember when my Mom was divorced and dating.  She didn’t date much, really.  She dove head first in to one marriage after another.  I even remember saying “It’s always better when it’s just US, Mom.”  My Mom’s pattern looked something like this…  Meet a controlling type & dive in—>  Begin deferring to him on pretty much everything—>  Fail to protect my sisters and I from abuse the man was doling out—>  finally decide she’s had enough—>  Bail & move us back in with her mother.

My mother changed when in a relationship.  She became this weak-willed woman who put up with too much and didn’t protect her kids.  I don’t want to be that girl…. and I think there was a very real fear inside of me about that.   I did some serious work on it.  The truth is, I am -NOT- my mother.  She dragged us from one bad situation to the next, never stopping to figure out why it was happening or what she could do to make it better.   That’s SO not me.

I also worked on some unconscious agreements I have had with myself and previous partners.  Apparently, I have cast myself in the role of relationship work horse.  I have repeatedly been in relationships with a total imbalance of energy.  I give too much and don’t expect enough in return.

So, those are some of the things I’ve been working through.  It has left me with a perpetual emotional hangover.  Some days, I do feel excited.  I realize I am becoming aware of things affecting me and I’m making change… but mostly I feel hazy and hung over.

I’d love to charge through it and get it done, but I just can’t.  It’s exhausting.  It’s so much to absorb and I need time to marinate… but I can see it working.  It feels like a seed that’s starting to sprout.

Published in: on April 8, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (12)  
Tags: , , , , ,

The URI to TrackBack this entry is:

RSS feed for comments on this post.

12 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Already your post above has taught me soooo very much that I need to learn. I’m reading her book, FaceBook and Twittered across the board, and am eager to balance both reading her book and reading your blog. I have much similar experiences to yours, hence a relief that I’m not alone.

    Thank you for being so brave in sharing who you are, with all of us. If only I had an extra nomination as I already handed them out for the TMI Award, I would definitely pass one along to you! I’ll give you my self-made TMIn Award instead: Truly Most Inspirational Blog Award. 😀

    With peace,

    Book URL for the above, “Calling in “The One”” by Katherine Woodward Thomas

    • Thank you for the crazy awesome compliments. I really needed those words right now. It’s been very difficult sharing my story lately. It’s been painful. I can’t just pretend I’m Wonder Woman and -ta-da!- bounce right back from this one… So then out go some of my most fragile parts for all the world to see. Anyway, I hope you LOVE the book. It’s not just an eye opener, but a game changer…. A life changer. Thanks again, C

      • Greetings!

        I totally agree it’s a game changer! It’s like, hit-me-in-my-face type of book. Wowwee.. And I’m delighted to know that you can experience some cheer based on all the cheer you give to us!

        And I DO think you’re Wonder Woman, you just don’t know it yet. We all lasso ourselves at times. The key is to get back up, dust off our blue panties, and get right back up there in the action. 😀

        (Wonder Women Reboot:

      • Thank you for the encouragement… Gotta say, this one hurt me. Knocked me down good. Workin on dusting off those blue panties –whew.. Alot of work this time.

      • You are incredibly strong for working through these feelings instead of just leaping over them. Tackling them head on, because when you do, grieve through it, you can’t help but propel forward onto your next destination. And with d’em red boots, why, it will be in no time at all! 😀

        We’re here to cheer you on! 😀


      • I spent plenty of time in the past leaping over the boulderss in the road… Distraction, distraction, distraction… Facing stuff head on now. I do hear it’s the only way to get them out of my path. Hope that’s right, cuz it’s much less emotional energy leaping over!

  2. P.S. As a gift to all your readers, I am sharing my eBook complete version just purchased: Calling in “The One”: Enjoy! 😀

  3. Hmm, I like the idea of sorting out oneself before leaping into any other relationships.

    My last ex said to me “I hope you sort your s$#@! out before you $#@! another man over”. And that has weighed heavily on my mind because it’s so not what I WANT to do ..

    So, I am gonna go buy that book .. I look forward to a good read! (Or an exhausting one, maybe? If it’s about change and thought processing etc!)

    • Ya, it’s a new thing for me. I never stopped long enough to really sort anything out in between before. Wow, that doesn’t sound good but it’s true. :-/

      • I’ve long since realised sometimes things don’t sound good but ARE good .. (in some way) .. I’m so proud of you, you’re inspiring me 🙂 🙂

      • Awww. That means a lot to me!

  4. Another small gift for you, “The Truth About Men” by Dr. Ian Smith, purchased and I’m sharing with you and your readers: Enjoy! 😀

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: