Let’s Finish This Thing

“Maybe we only obsess over relationships that feel unfinished.”  –Carrie Bradshaw, Sex in the City

I think we’re on to something here.  For all the time I spent simmering over this relationship with The Ambassador, I’ve finally learned my lesson and I learned it good.

The Ambassador has this thing he does.  He’ll lull a girl in to a false sense of security…  And then without warning, the girl with have a bomb dropped in her lap.

For example, after his infamous text message break-up, he started talking to The Sneaky Bitch again.  At some point, he had this epiphany and asked me to be official with him.  Well, he didn’t tell The Sneaky Bitch so the girl inadvertently found out a couple of days later when it popped up on his Facebook status.  BOOM, he’s in a relationship with someone else.  There’s the bomb.  She went completely sideways.  She verbally assaulted his phone by answering machine and text message.  She ranted and raved.  She repeatedly called him a liar.

I remember being completely shocked.  I gasped and said ”You didn’t tell her?!”  He stumbled on his words, but I pretty much wrote it off thinking her a crazy bitch.

Well, I understand now.  First he breaks up with me for seemingly no reason at all, then he continues talking to me, reaching his foot out to touch me when we’re talking on the couch, and spending time with me as though we just pedaled backwards a little bit.  Even checking in with me to see if I was moving on yet.  He’s calling me, sharing his work successes and picking me up to take me to buy me lunch.

Last night, we had an entire conversation about that and ironically, me not letting myself get pissed off..  and then, in a blink… I was just that.  ROYALLY PISSED OFF.

Don’t ask me what made me look but I jumped on to Plenty of Fish, and BAM there he was…  first fucking profile on the page.   I never re-opened my profile, and even hid my match profile again since we were talking or seeing each other or whatever we were doing.  For the second time in two days I felt like I had been -punched- in the gut so hard that it knocked the wind out of me and I might puke.  I stood eerily still for a long time, consciously trying to breathe.

I suddenly understood why The Sneaky Bitch called him a liar.  I have never met ANYONE who changed his mind so rapidly.  Just yesterday, and I’m not exaggerating, he may have said “You’re a great girl, and I thank God you’re with me.”  OR “I have no desire to date right now.  It’s all just confusing and painful.”—  Buuuut the next day, apparently that’s all out the window and he’s back to profile speak like “I want the real you” and “I’m very active, blah blah blah!”  and I’m left thinking—  BUT HE -JUST- SAID!!!  Apparently it was all lies.  In fact, that profile said “active within a week” so all his bullshit talk was happening WHILE the profile was out there trying to hook, line, and sink another her.

I put The Ambassador on blast via text message.  How dare he ask me anything about any dating or relationship bullshit.  If he’s all moving on then why the fuck does he care?  He has NO right  to be jealous, or even to ask me.

He was actually surprised that I was angry!  He replied to my texts with “Really?  You’re mad?”  Completely and totally self involved… and I let him get away with this bullshit for way too long!  I’m tired of being in a relationship or whatever this is, where apparently he is the only one allowed to have any needs.

Once my head stopped spinning, I cried, which was kind of a nightmare since the kids were home with me.  They were so sweet and concerned.  I didn’t want to lie to them but I didn’t want to explain either.  If I explain, then they virtually experience it along with me.  Ultimately I told them I wasn’t feeling well, and although they knew it wasn’t just an upset stomach, they let it be and went off to bed.

Once they were settled in, I cried for a good long time.  I also marched around the house gathering little pieces of him up to destroy.  Two coffee cups, one valentines day card and a tie.  10 months and that’s all it comes down to this.  Not even a toothbrush left behind.  If that doesn’t scream commitmentphobia, I don’t know what does.  Previous relationships have been beyond the key exchange, and close to the considering moving in stage after 10 months.

I headed out the back porch and sent one of his stupid coffee cups speeding in to the ground.  SMASH.  Then on to the next one.  SMASH!

The coffee cups were really the most satisfying.  I wish he’d left 10 of them behind.  The blasted card wouldn’t burn.  I doused it with hair spray to get it going.  Once the flames got revved up, it was good.  The tie wouldn’t burn so I melted some holes in it, wrapped it in newspaper and stuffed it in to my wood stove for the next time I had a fire.

I grabbed up this stupid belt buckle thing, and orchid he gave me for Valentines day and put them out side my back door.  I couldn’t bear the thought of destroying the orchid… it’s so beautiful, and the belt buckle thing is made of steel or something.  I’ll drop them off at his place tomorrow.   I had this incredible drive to rid myself of every reminder of him… Every shred of anything I was hanging on to about him.

In the midst of it all, one of my nosy neighbors came by.  She was certain she had heard a couple of .22 shots.  She’d actually even called the police.  (eye roll)  I told her I had “dropped” a coffee cup outside.  It sounded better than telling her I had hurled the bitch in to the ground at the highest velocity I possibly could, then grabbed the second cup and did it again.

Nope,she wasn’t convinced.  She was sure she’d heard gunshots and saw my lights flicker on and off so she had come to check on me in the middle of my break-up crisis. Lovely.

I should have put my foot down with The Ambassador long ago.  Still sorting out what I’m supposed to have learned, but I -DO- know learning hurts like hell.

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Published in: on April 3, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (26)  
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26 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Love it! You go girl!

  2. Well good! As much as I’m sure it hurt, it’s better to just make the realizations now. Even JJ was a commitmentphobe and never cared that my toothbrush was there 3 weeks in. He’s a mess. Why even be on POF if he’s not going to really want to be with somebody???

    • This is certainly an odd phenomenon. I have seen it before with friends of mine as well… Using the “i don’t know if I can handle a relationship” excuse while trolling the dating sites. Makes no sense to me.

      • I don’t get it either. Maybe they’re trying to fulfill something missing?

  3. I am OFFICIALLY giving up all my secret hopes that The Ambassador would surely Get His Shit Together! Instead, I’m hoping you smear some shit in his face… His LOSS! Here’s hoping the rest of the fish he finds are as slimy as he is, he missed out…

    • I’m giving up my hope for that too.

  4. Yeah! I am cheering you on with the post break up attitude. The ambassador is not worthy of you. But you know that now and won’t make the same mistake again. His bi polar act is enough to drive the most level headed woman insane. There is no in between with some one like that. You have to cut it off and erase his from your phone and email. He made his decision so dont let him reel you back in with the promise of friendship. JUST SAY NO!

    • I do have to be careful not to get reeled back in. I am going to let this hurt steel my resolve but even still I don’t intend to throw him away. I am going to work through it and see things as they are… All the ambivalence, the apathy. Try to appreciate what is there & set a firm boundary against what isn’t. We’ll see how it goes.

  5. I found out I was dumped once when I saw his profile go back to visible and he dropped me from his friends list on DH. Falling in love with a commitment phobic dating junkie that doesn’t know what he wants is hell. Cry a river if you have to.

    • Ya, it’s brutal & this is my lesson in learning not to do that again.

  6. I am so sorry! No one deserves that. What a dick! When are these guys going to wise up? take comfort in karma and the fact he will probably die alone, the selfish bastard.
    cheers to you… go have fun, and don’t look back… new adventures are ahead! xo

    • I think the truth is, guys will never wise up. They will always be what they will be. I can wise up tho. I can learn and operate in a different way. Workin’ on that.

      • I’m just trying to control my ‘eye roll’ reflex. 😉

  7. I am sure your heart is broken….but dont allow the pain to kill your character. I am sure reasoning is the further thing from your mind but don’t do something that will shame you in the future. If it is truly his lost; show him by allow someone more deserving to find you. The only way to move pass pain is to find love. Cherish your moments with him; The smile will serve as your future and the deceit will serve as your past. We can say the pain will go away but the scars wont; use them as your standards, not a reason to stop trying. The smile on your face will be back I promise but for now just cry and allow your tears to be the start of your healing process!!!!

    • I’ve been crying and hurting, but that’s really the best way to get through it. Not to do this would be to waste an incredibly valuable lesson.

      • Agreed…. May your prince charming will provide the tissue!!!!

  8. Do you think maybe he away meeting someone on that weekend (in your earlier post) and that is why he was asking those odd questions, in the HOPES you’d move on so he could .. ? (Which explains his stupid answer when you asked him what you did .. ) I dunno, I guess I’m reaching here to make some sense in all of this ..

    Because if not those (or any good) reasons then .. well..he is just a cock.

    And you deserve better than a cock.

    You’re a gorgeous, strong and funny / fab lady. And this man – for all I know you wish he got it – can’t handle it .. for whatever reasons 😦

    And for that, I am so sorry.

    Because I know – from my own experience – that trite:

    “You were too good for him” or “Obviously the man is a jerk, move on!” (as tho you’re an idiot for not seeing what they can so clearly see!) type statements help about as much as telling someone who’s on fire that: “it’ll be out soon I am sure”.

    PS If I was you, I’d drop his other gorgeous things in the op shop and not see him again .. or go near him .. you need distance .. you really do ..

    • I do need some distance to put a boundary in place. Idk if he was off meeting another woman or not. He very well could have been entertaining the thought that the grass is greener on the other side… But, for me, instead of running from one yard to the next, I am going to water my own lawn.

  9. Learning hurts enormously and what sucks is that we have to learn from assholes like that.

    Love that graphic

    • Ya baby.. That graphic is sassy & empowering. Thnx for the comment.

  10. Aw, Cadence. I’m sorry you’re hurting. Take heart in the fact that you are learning from this, as much as it hurts. Hugs.

    • The hurt will just cement the lesson. Thnx for offering comfort.

  11. “I should have put my foot down with The Ambassador long ago.”

    uuuuuuh, yeah. i’ll stop RIGHT there. buck up sunshine, yer too cute to sullen for too long.

  12. Which fatality are you going to choose? I was always partial to Jaxx’s when he pounded the other guy into the ground, then punted his head off. Mortal Kombat!

    • Haa! Well, I’m not -that- kinda crazy, but oooh if I was…


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