The Thrill of The Chase

Do men NEED to chase or is it just food for a hungry ego? 

(Disclaimer in an attempt to avoid affending to too easily offended:  For this particular post we are going to discuss this in terms of men.  It’s not that women don’t get obsessed with the chase…  I’m sure they do, but I think it’s more common with men.  The insane adventures of the super needy tends to be more of the ladies’ style.)

I can count only two men that I know, or have known in the SMP that don’t seem to be completely hooked on the thrill of the chase.   Only two who will at some point find what they are looking for and NOT be left  looking around and wondering “what now?” like a victor who just found the summit.  He has conquered the mountain and now looks on to the next challenge.

Are these two men the only ones I know who are secure enough to not need the constant ego stroke of the chase?  The difference in them seems to be their genuine & authentic inner confidence.  They don’t need to prove anything to anyone.  They don’t seem to require a chase and victory to validate them.  They know they can get whatever or whoever it is they pursue.  They seem only concerned with determining what they want, and then finding it in this big tangled up universe.

Maybe it’s two-fold.  Not only does the chase provide validation but it’s only after that point, once the victor has his spoils, that the true intimacy begins.

I believe this sort of thing can also explain the rubber band man.  I don’t just mean King Wishy Washy, The Ambassador but rubber band men in general. Are they so attached to the winning over that once they have a girl’s heart, they don’t know what to do with themselves?

I’d say that sort of thing might even explain why in the past The Ambassador has been attracted to women who were mean as hell to him.  Is it the constant struggle?  The constant striving to win someone over and prove you’re good enough, because somewhere inside you aren’t sure are worth anything?  Does that sort of thing preserve the thrill of the chase?  If I get in better touch with my bitch side, would that improve my dating life?

And here’s another problem.  The girl has to run in order for a man to chase him but if she’s running, isn’t there a reason for it?  So, eventually guy gets the girl… but doesn’t that leave the girl always with a man she doesn’t truly want?  AND, I’m sure the guy doesn’t want to be the one she settled for.   It becomes like that old song “Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you, or are you going back to the one you love?”  Doesn’t the thrill of the chase leave us with one or the other?

Mind boggling to me, The Romantic girly girl.  I am certainly not wired that way.  I hate hate HATE feeling like I am chasing anyone.

Published in: on March 29, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (15)  
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  1. You are right, men are hard wired to love the chase. My bff is a guy, and once when my marriage was really struggling to stay afloat, he told me “Hard to Get” was the game I had to play. He was right. It works. Weird to have to play that in a marriage, but men are weird creatures…

    • Well, if they are hard wired that way then I guess it gives us ladies all the more reason to make sure we maintain a side of our life for -us-. It can be easy to get to a place where your whole world revolves around caring for our families and putting ourselves last.

      • Yep! I was so guilty of that for so long, that it’s a fight to claim a piece of my life for me… My husband thinks I’ve lost my mind because I want to spend a weekend on a road trip to nowhere ALL by MYSELF!

      • Hhehehe… Of course it’s those goofy quirks like a road trip to nowhere that make us who we are.

  2. I am opting out of this whole chase, hard to get thing. I’m tired. I’ll be standing right here, doing what I do. Join me, or don’t.

    • I’m with you, girlfriend… Scoot over and make a space for me. I’ll bring the fruity rum drinks!

  3. I’m not sure how exact is this article.

    Key point women need to grasp about us me:we are not into the mating rituals.Men are practical,logical and totally ration.Which leads me to say that the thrill and chase are illogical and emotional components.Men don’t need It nor like it(the chase).We only engage in it because that’s what few of us come to learn about women(loving the chase).But if we had our way,we wouldn’t give a rat’s ass about a thrill and chase.

    • Funny that you say that because this post stemmed from a conversation I had with a man where HE brought up the thrill of the chase. I’m sure some men do need and like it. Maybe not the most confident of the masculine gender though.

      Also, I can not agree that men are “totally rational”. We are all human beings with emotions included. Men do irrational things & get swept away by emotion too… Otherwise they would never fall in love with crazy bitches, never marry iresponsible drug users, never write incredible songs & breathtaking literature.

      Both genders possess logic and emotion, how much it is used in life depends on each particular person & temperament… Not gender alone.

      I really liked the way you turned it around though, bringing up women’s desire to be chased. Very true, for some more than others. Some women will even allow men to chase them when they know they aren’t attracted to the man in pursuit. (Which is wrong in my book). It’s definitely a two way street.

  4. I think guys like chasing the girl (and likes it a bit when the girl runs away) because it is part of his “hunter instinct” maybe. Not all guys are like this way, but I’ve experienced it to some extent in my relaitonships. And what about when the guy finally “catches” the girl — the thrill of the chase is gone; and therefore, the romance?

  5. I hate the thrill of the chase types and chasing anyone. If I have to strategize, chase aka play games (in my opinion), then it’s not good for me anyway, too false feeling with no substance. So I don’t bother and if guys are like that, it shows up pretty fast, usually three weeks to dumping their sorry butts. Either that or they take off when they finally realize that you meant it when you said “I don’t do instant sex” or that “chase” mechanism starts roaring with you present, they start gazing around at the servers, women everywhere you go as if now that they already have you with them, you just aren’t as much fun as their own imaginings. Ugh. Dating is so hard at this age. Hence, I spend many a full weekend alone. It’s just easier that way.

    • I also loath the games… & I learned my lesson about the wandering eye while we’re together. Thank you, Ramblin’ Man. Crazy disrespectful. Hunt on your own time! Don’t put it in my face. If you can’t be present with me when we’r together then you can pound sand!

  6. The eternal subject…The Chase. The Thrills. I do not think men consciously treat it as a game. Perhaps it’s just a built-in nature, not too sure. Bloody right it should not be done when you are already with someone (Rambling & Roving Men).

    • I think it’s instinct too… I think often times people keep chasing because they know the one they are with is not “The One”. We get too involved too fast & then dread the confrontation required to face it.

      • Or perhaps they did not realize that the ones they have is actually the ONE.

      • Yes, I’m sure it could be that too. Isn’t it beautiful that we’re all our own people with our own unique circumstances? It sure keeps life interesting! 😀

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