Available Men Only Please

I have been grappling with this idea lately that maybe I am attracting unavailable men.  In fact, I’ve begun some personal growth work to explore just that….

Mr. Charima got right to the point when I spoke to him.  “Why do you have to figure it out?” he asked…  Then proceeded to explain that he can sense an emotionally screwed up woman within 20 minutes and when he realizes that..  He just bails.  Bam, OUT, gone.  So— why don’t I?

The School Teacher and I were talking about this very thing.   It’s gotten so complicated now… dating.  Not only are we looking for chemistry and attraction, but also whether or not your lives can fit together.  Do we live close enough to each other?  If not, will one of the partners be able to move within a reasonable amount of time.

Good luck even meeting someone in the first place, because I’d say most people in our age bracket and workin’ careers and raising kids.  We just don’t get out a lot.

Then there is the question of intimacy, only now we are all damaged goods.  Is he capable of true intimacy?  Am I open to recieve it?  It’s cooooomplicated.

Maybe I’m not a huge magnet for the emotionally unavailable.  Maybe that’s just the majority of men on the market in my age range, and I just give them more chances that I probably should…  But with alllll this, can we really find it all?  Can we find it all, and have it be so easy?  See above image.

Published in: on March 25, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (11)  
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11 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I m available

    • That’s fantastic… I just keep running in to men who either have their hearts closed, OR open heart but giant circumstances. For instance, Mr. Charisma is open (and marvelous, I might add), but he’s 3,000 miles away. Sometimes I feel like the universe hates me. lol

  2. The demographic is a killer. I find now I am far more open to compromising on certain things when it comes to a partner (I wouldn’t have been this flexible 10 years ago.) but the older we get – the demographic of (dateable) availables, shrinks … and those older singles with ‘all that baggage’ – you need a freighter to carry it. How much are you willing deal with or overlook – is the question?

    • Well, Cakes… I find that I am also more flexible than I was 10 years ago, but not because I’m settling. Through the years I have come to realize what is truly important, and all the rest is just background noise.

      True that the pool for potential dates/ mates shrinks for us as we get older, but thankfully, I only need to find one… just as long as he’s THE one. 🙂

  3. The dating pool doesn’t lose its water (fluidity) with age, we just tend to swim further out and not everyone is ready for the depth of trending; they rather keep their feet on the ground. They hide behind secrets rather than truths, sex instead of communication, and lust over love. Regardless of the age anyone looking for permanence will have less to choose from in a world full of people that fear commitment. I say, the only way to stop attracting emotionally unavailable people is to be emotionally available. Anyone looking for the real thing will embrace that type of purity with some purity of their own. I understand the risk of love but I also understand the risk we take without it; I will always take my risk in love. It may take 100 times but once I hit the jackpot I’ll be wealthy forever. Faith over fear is the only way to capture someone that will captivate your existence!!!!

    • You are absolutely right, and you wrote it so beautifully. I was swept away reading it. THANK YOU! I loved it so much I edited it and put it all in BOLD.

      • Thank you for sharing your heart with the world. I love people of the heart. Oooo and thanks for commending my writing!!!!

  4. Cadence I loved it too .. it’s very “you and me” in how we refuse to give up trying and hoping for that one special guy to rock up and sweep us away ..

    Risk taking sometimes pays off .. for all now and then risks don’t pay off, I’d rather keep taking them and hope that what doesn’t kill me WILL make me stronger ..

    • I don’t mind taking a risk, but it should be a calculated risk… an informed decision. If I ignore the red flags and refuse to see anything but the positive, I end up making decisions that work against me.

      • I hear ya. My red flags are graded, so some I tend to ignore – if there’s enough good things to go on with .. but then if I think back .. the ones I ignored often come back to bite me in the ass later!

      • Yup… my experience exactly.

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