What Is It With Bartenders and Cashiers???

Ya, she looks like she's got it all together.

I swear if I see one more sucessful, sexy, well educated man dating a fucking cashier I might just lose my damn mind.  What is it with these babes?   Are women with careers so incredibly intimidating to men?  Is it that, or does every man just badly want to be needed?  Do they need so much to be the hero?  The good one?  The only one that can operate his own life in the relationship?  I don’t understand.

I have the phone numbers of at least 3 single men in  phone that have fallen madly in love, or even been engaged with a bartender and /or cashier.  In fact, I myself got more action in three months working as a cashier type in my previous job than I’ve gotten in two years since I’ve been working my dispatch career.

Granted, I was working with the public, and so, had more interaction with the opposite sex…   But it was SUCH an incredible difference.  There was once a man who came in to my store, and then called after he had left…  He asked for me by description and when I got on the phone said “Hi, I was just in the store buying a —-.  I’m married, but I just had to call back and tell you…. You are BEAUTIFUL!”   And that was it.  He didn’t ask me out or anything distasteful like that.  In fact, I don’t ven remember him ever coming back in to the store.  He was just so drawn to me that he had to voice it.

I once got asked out by a smokin’ hot & sexy plumber while I was in the middle of an insane coughing fit caused by accidentally inhaling the crumbs from a cookie!  (Btw ladies, if you think a plumber can’t be sexy -and well endowed, I might add- you are SO wrong!)

Maybe it’s more basic than that.  Are we just more approachable when working with the public?

I do work with men now, in fact the women are sorely out numbered.  In fact, there are LOTS of men…  big strong ones, with guns & badges, and lots of testosterone…. and  got nothin’.  Two years and I can think of only one flirtation during that entire time.  Nope, even those tough guys are off falling in love with and marrying cashiers.

Mr.X believes it’s a matter of social status and control in the relationship.  Apparently dating a woman of lower social standing gives a man some sense of power.  Vital for some fragile male egos.

I’d also like to add that–  as a wife, it seemed the career woman was what all the husbands wanted.  Someone to be more of a partner… Help carry the load financially.  The career women seemed to be the ones a husband could be proud of.  Now, back in the SMP, have the tables completely turned?  Are women like The Sultry School Teacher and I terrifying -because- we are the marrying kind??  I just can’t settle on a theory.  What do you think, readers???

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Published in: on March 22, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (30)  
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  1. I think you may be onto something! I work in an office as an insurance agent and often hear that I come across as being very strong and self-sufficient. Nevermind the fact that I am a single mom and juggling a million things at once…I think I have to be strong. But yes, I could see where this could be a deterrent for men to approach a woman who seems to “not NEED” a man. Very interesting point indeed!

    • I’m sure that’s a factor for some. In fact, The Ambassador has said that before… But it’s backwards thinking. Check out the quote from Eric Fromm “Immature love says, ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says “I need you because I love you.'”

      • I think I’ll wait for the latter of the two. I’m trying to steer clear of co-dependency…:) Very wise statement! Thanks for sharing, Cadence!

      • Hope it comes your way quick!

  2. You are so right! I really think that women with careers are intimidating to men!!

    • Maybe so.. If so, then WHY? I don’t get it.

      • Not sure why this is such a mystery. I’ll explain.

        The men you are describing (“successful, sexy, well educated”) are desirable alpha males. These men really don’t care if women have a good job or not. They have their choice of women, and they’ll choose what’s attractive. Bartenders and cashiers are attractive because they are most likely feminine, fun and good at flirting, plus they tend to be young. “Young” usually equals “good looking.”

        “Intimidating” and “undesirable” are two different things. The Strong Independent Woman is a boner killer for attractive, confident and successful alpha guys. Who wants to date some ball-busting lawyer or business chick? Not me. Guys like femininity, and “strong and independent” couldn’t be any more masculine. Think about subjects of conversation you hear from female friends in power positions. It’s all anger and complaining about work-related issues. Not fun and not attractive.

        The only guys who are going to be interested in Strong Independent Women are beta Nice Guys, who are looking to settle down into a life of boring stability. These Nice Guys are, by definition, unattractive to women. Fact: Women like badboys and dominant guys who don’t take any shit and live interesting, unapologetic lives. This type of guy will directly clash with ball-busting, independent businesswomen.

        The lesson here: A power job isn’t attractive. Exercise and stay thin, maintain a feminine attitude and stop wearing flip flops if you want an attractive alpha guy. Either that or settle for a less attractive and interesting Nice Guy.

      • If we were talking about PUAs, I can see your point. As far as I’m concerned, PUAs can bone all the cashiers, waitresses, and bartenders they want. I mean men looking for a LTR. I mean men who are mature and looking for a partner in life.

        A cashier or bartender may be fun, but it doesn’t take long for my friends to realize a girl like that is not a supportive partner. In nearly all cases she has no idea how to take care of a man, because she can’t even take care of herself. Therefore, this accomplished hard working fellow ends up taking care of himself AND her. It’s like eating gummy bears. It’s fun and it tastes good, but it’s not substantial. You can’t make a meal out of it.

        There is more to a relationship than not being fat, a bitch, or wearing flip flops. (What do you have against flip flops, anyway?)

        Professional women aren’t all ball busting lawyers. In fact, my friend is a school teacher and I am a dispatcher… both helping professions dominated by women. We stay in shape and dress well. We aren’t some angry hags you seem to be imagining. Professional women are plenty sexy. I have seen many a dude get worked up over a tight ass in heels and a suit.

        Our careers and educations are not some unattractive feature that needs to be hidden or compensated for. My thoughts weren’t musings about why I can’t get a man. (Even though I did say “Are women like The Sultry School Teacher and I terrifying -because- we are the marrying kind??”) I don’t have all the answers, and I’m not perfect, but I can get a date. —And The Sultry School Teacher is currently in a relationship.

        My curiosity was more related to a couple of particular professions that seem to be high activity, and why even men who are obviously in a totally different world, being SO much more educated and accomplished are being drawn to them.

        While I appreciate you sharing your theory… and it is a THEORY because no one has all the answers. Some of your generalizations were totally incorrect. Like “The only guys who are going to be interested in Strong Independent Women are beta Nice Guys, who are looking to settle down into a life of boring stability.” I’m sorry, but that’s totally incorrect. Although, I know several men who have fallen for a cashier or waitress, I can also say that I know plenty who prefer a professional woman. For these men who are highly successful, intelligent and adventurous– trying to have a conversation with a cashier is like a pro snowboarder riding down the bunny hill. No thrill. No excitement. No challenge. A woman of style and substance stimulates more than just a boner. Plus, how can partnering up with someone who matches your adventurous spirit and drive ever be boring??

        What I did draw from your theory that I liked was, in the scheme of things, career doesn’t matter that much. Who we are as a woman… body, spirit, mind and soul– is what matters.

  3. Cadence you have just solved your own dating dilemma… all you need is a night job, don’t tell them about your fabulous career until you’ve landed a sexy stud! LOL

    • No can do, Seniorita… Gotta be fabulous ME 🙂

      • Maybe its the fact that they are handing their money to these girls that has them associating cashier with wife…??

      • HI-larious!

  4. Hm… I think it might be that cashiers and bartenders give men the illusion of being more open and approachable. It’s their job to be friendly and so men assume the coast is clear to flirt and flatter?

    I mean, it *might* be a power trip thing, but I’m not really the kind of man who’s driven that way so my perspective might be different… but in my experience it’s just the nature of that sort of job that makes a woman seem more welcoming of attention.

    • Thanks for weighing in with a man’s view, Ben… Yes, they are more approachable, but I continue to wonder why. Maybe because you -have to- talk to them to get your drink or make ur purchase thereby breaking the ice? And why do these sexy well educated men need a woman who’s UBER approachable? You’d think if anyone had mad confidence to approach ANY woman they wanted… So they -want- cashiers? Why? Lol. I could do this allll day.

      • Well, not being the stud-muffin type you’re describing I can’t say for sure… but I imagine inside every man, no matter how well put together they seem on the outside, is a boy who’s still a little bit intimidated by women, and will be tempted to follow what seems to be the easiest path to companionship.

        Of course, we know what seems like the easy path isn’t always easy, nor is it always the right path either, but humans can be dumb sometimes 😉

      • The path of least resistance? Wow, hope not.

      • Another thought I had… there’s natural space for small talk in the interaction with people in the service industry, which opens up opportunity for flirtation and connection. These guys you talk about can probably hook a willing woman pretty easily in that time.

        Plus, men (and everybody really) have a lot more interaction with cashiers and bartenders in their everyday lives than they do with, say, attractive and available dispatchers (and professional women in general). So, the odds of sexy, confident men connecting with women in the service industry during the course of their everyday lives is much greater than connecting with professional women (outside of their immediate work environment ofc).

        On a side note: I personally find smart, professional women *much* more sexy 😉

      • Many of the men I know like to boil it all down to a numbers game, and in this case I believe that may be a factor.

      • Yeah, I think that’s close to it. Also opportunity. Like, the last time I was single was in and around college, even after I graduated I still had a lot of ties there, so there was all sorts of great opportunity to meet and mingle with smart and interesting women. Now post-divorce I’m trying to figure out how and where to meet women again. There are just not that many single women that I interact with… outside of the cute waitress who flirts with me at the restaurant where I eat lunch on some Friday afternoons LOL 😉

  5. I have a friend who wants to date professional women but each time he meets one he feels like he’s being penciled in for date night. Women with careers rather than jobs have less time to dwell on a man’s every need. They have less time to spend with a man if they’re off the clock but their time is still manipulated by deadlines, projects and other work demands. Relationships aren’t always their number #1 priority 24/7.

    • That’s certainly a factor… There are trade offs in everything in life. Personally, I’ll choose some schedule negotiation over someone who is perpetually unemployed any day. However, I do believe all singles need to make room in our lives for love. That means the guys AND the girls.

  6. Lmao I thought I was the only one to notice this phenomenon.

    To this day,I still can’t put my hands on it.

    • Thank you Kenny! Appreciate the affirmation.

  7. I went out with this guy (a soon-to-be congressman at that.. Douche!) who told me that the only women he ever dated were hair stylists. Nothing wrong with that, but the fact that he tended to seek them out is strange.
    Some men could care less about an ambitious or educated women. They can get away with more if the woman isn’t smart enough to question things.
    I also think many guys like having the upper-hand and feel intimidated by intelligent women.
    It reminds me of the Sex and the City where Miranda pretended to be a flight attendant to get a date!!

    • Yup, I remember that episode… I also saw an episode of “Happy Endings” where Penny brought a man back to her apt (which she owns) and after a couple questions, he left saying “I need to work on my resume”. Lol.

      • I love that show, soo glad it really caught on!

  8. The answer isn’t difficult, they’re social jobs…. everybody has to eat and it’s fun to drink. Plus a lot of cashiers and bartenders are interesting people. Like you and I they have stories, tales, deserve to be love. Why not cashiers and bartenders? They present the only sober minds in the room; they are the smile at the end of a long day and shopping for the fastest way to our hearts.
    Why do women choose the popular man as pose to the nerd? They are attracted to status and men are attracted to women that are attracted to them. Now, career women don’t benefit the same because so many people don’t want to mix work with pleasure and so many career driven women are always at work. Men aren’t going to compete with a job (ever though they expect women to). They aren’t threatened by the women’s independence; they are scare that they can’t be co-dependent. They fear they will not have enough time to be a wife. We all grow up wanting to replace our mothers and that takes marry a woman we think the world of and will have the time to take care of us. Maybe the cashiers and bartenders don’t represent a conquest but a sense of foundation; someone that isn’t married to their jobs with the flexibility to be married to us.

    • I agree that bartenders and cashiers tend to be in the right place at the right time. Love the description of the smile at the end of a long day.

      I understand that men don’t want to compete with a job.. but the truth is a good woman will make time for you. If we want our relationships to work, we must all make room for love in our lives.

      In my opinion, the thought that a woman with no career or education will have time to take care of you is backwards thinking. What my friends are finding is that the relationships is fun at first, but in a hot minute they realize the girl can’t even take care of herself (which is why she has no education or career) let alone take care of a man. So they end up taking care of themselves AND her. Ipso facto, no partner.

      • I thought we were talking about JOBs vs. CAREERs not being uneducated…. no one said the cashier or the Bartender didn’t have an education (didn’t you say you was a cashier at some point). Plus, education (meaning schooling) enhances your intellect or horns your craft but education (in life) will decides whether or not two people will be compatible. I have discussion with women who lacking schooling but are scholars in life and our compatibility levels are great. When did education become a component of the heart? I bet you have friends that married to Career women and got divorces because they challenge their position in the relationship, divorces happen. I do agree that every relationship will work if both partners are functional, dedicated, and committed. I love your ability to put your point of view out there to provoke thought…. continue to do so!!!!

      • I guess you’re right. I didn’t say a cashier or bartender was uneducated. In my experience though, I haven’t seen many who were college educated.

        I did operate a cash register in my former job. I was rebuilding after my divorce. I worked in electronics sales. I rocked the sales chart for a little over a year and then got promoted to managing a million dollar store. I did that for a couple of years before I started my current career. The biggest detriment to hiring the overqualified is that they don’t stay long.

        I agree that people can be uneducated but schooled in life but wouldn’t you say that takes time and much life experience? Some type of advanced education, whether it be college or trade school, is a way of caring for yourself. (I do realize Bartenders often attend trade school.) It represents time, committment and hard work spent creating a better life for yourself. If a person can’t do that for themselves, how can they be expected to do it for someone else?


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