Stop The Ride, I Want OFF!

The last few days have been an insane kind of roller coaster.  I have to admit I am more wrapped up The Ambassador than I originally thought.  I have been clicking through a range of emotions… sadness, anger, love, hopefullness, insecurity.  It stinks to high heaven.

Luckily I am finally out of that ridiculous training class that has trapped my body and mind for the last four days, but it would seem that even at home I am devoid of enough distraction to take my mind off of King Wishy-Washy.

At one point, I found myself hungry for attention, so I re-opened my profile and fired off a text messaged to a couple dudes I had been texting before King Wishy-Washy asked to make things official.

The first guy to text back was such a douche bag.  “Dumped already?  I’m involved with a hot cougar and it’s going fast and furious.”

Fuck his fast and furious.

The next guy, also seeing someone, but once again telling me he’s crazy about me although, I’m fairly certain we have never even spoken on the phone.  Weird but I have to say, I’m not opposed to someone being excited about me… especially after all the ambivalent bullshit I’ve been going through with The Ambassador.

Got a hella funny message from a guy on match.  First he just said “nice smile”.  I checked out his profile and he had a picture of himself in full on lederhosen on there.

I replied “Hey thanks!   Nice Lederhosen.”  Then came the reply that I totally luuuuuved.

“Ya, I wear those all the time.  Is that wrong?  I have an on going ‘Sound of Music’ fantasy.  Any movie fantasies for you?”

Haaaaaaaaaaa!  Hella funny.  I did reply, and now I’m stuck at home on a friday night.  Checking Match way too often and trying to be productive around the house.  I’m not having much success.

Kiddos are here and playing merrily, while I stew in my own thoughts.  Bleck!  I’m actually quite good company.  I enjoy my own company on a regular basis, but not today.

The Ambassador blew up my phone with text messages this afternoon.  It had me feeling all warm and fuzzy, but now it’s freakin’ Friday night and I know he’s off work and so is the wingman.  I can’t stop thinking about how he managed to talk to an old girlfriend A LOT and have a seemingly -immediate- date the last time we broke up.  (I realize my concern here may be somewhat hypocritical considering I reopened my match profile and all but I don’t care.)

God damn, I wish I hadn’t typed that.  It’s akin to saying it out loud…  Sometimes that just makes things feel worse.

The Sultry School Teacher has something going on tonight that prevents her from drinking wine and blabbing with me, and Captain Amazing will probably be “hanging out” with that 20 something cashier girl that I hate.  He broke up with Miss Perfect yesterday.

Ugh, I just want my peace of mind back….

Buuuut I guess wine will do for now!  Her plans must have changed, because The Sultry School Teacher just walked through my door with a bottle and two glasses in hand!

***a little later***

The School Teacher had fabulous things to say, as usual.. She was convinced that The Ambassador and his buddy are probably out painting the town red in their completely dorky style.  That means no girls in tow…  That gave me some brief comfort.

Well, wine and blabb burned up an hour and a half.  Now what?

Another night of going to bed embarrassingly early — an attempt to shut off my brain.

Published in: on March 13, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (4)  
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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I think that this has been the most frantic and chaotic feeling post yet…I’m not saying that to be critical… just observation. I actually felt like breaking something halfway through…
    Hang in there…

    • Ha! Well, thank you Mr. Cynic… Then I have conveyed the emotion I was feeling rather well, I think.

  2. You’ve been nominated for the VERY INSPIRING BLOGGER AWARD. Check this page for details.

    • Thank you SO much, Daaaaling. I’m honored 🙂

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