Yet Another Break Up

I met The Ambassador of Ambiguity some 10 months ago, and in that time he’s bailed twice before. In his classic style, the Ambassador let me get close, and then shoved me away. I swear the man has almost no tolerance for emotional intimacy.

Our break up talk was absolutely one of the most bizarre dating experiences I’ve ever had. He started by saying that I’m everything he wants. He continued saying there are times when I get so close to him, he desperately wants to tell me he loves me but doesn’t want to scare me away. Then he tells me he doesn’t feel emotionally connected.

“What?!” I reply, “but you just said…” I stared at him in the darkness with my mouth agape.

Yep, in the dark, that’s how it went down.

I was at home after an entire day of obsessing, crying, and being angry at him pulling away again. It kind of snuck up on me this time. It felt as though we were talking at a reasonable distance apart, and I turned my eyes away for a moment. When I looked back, I thought– did he just take a step back? Naaahhh. Then as my eyes shift away and back, it happens again and this time I ask him. Did you just step back? Naaahhh, he says. The third time my eyes leave him and turn back, he’s all they way across the room and I think “God damn it, are we back here again?!”

Yesterday he apologized for having been so quiet. I blew it off, thinking he’d been sick and so… slept the day away. I probably would have done the same thing. Today, while he’s still sick, he did go to work. Lately he has been quite communicative even at work but not today. Nope… I didn’t hear a peep out of him.
My intuition and irritation grew through out the day as I realized it was happening again. We get close, he gets overwhelmed, and he bails. I should have known it was coming since things were going so incredibly well. Laughing like crazy together all the time. We have really been getting closer, and in truth we have everything. We have careers, and friends and someone to laugh with, dream with, and well, I’ll just say it… Someone to love.

I finally busted out of the house late in the afternoon. I plugged in my ear buds and walked. I walked every grueling hill I could find, as though the physical punishment would distract me from the emotional pain. It didn’t, but the endorphins did me some good.

On my way back to the house, I bumped in to The Sultry School Teacher and so.. walked with her a while. By the time I got back to the house it had been two hours. Two hours of walking to clear my head? That was NOT a good sign.

I finally did hear from The Ambassador and managed to drag out of him that there was something on his mind but he didn’t want to talk about it. I can NOT deal with shit like that. Someone acting all weird and then NOT talking about what’s going on. Especially when it’s already out there, and just hanging in the air.

I pressed and finally drove over to his place. He unlocked the door for me, so I found my way through the darkness and in to his room where he was laying in bed with the lights off. I tried to turn them on, but he vehemently objected. I know now that he didnt want to see my face while he spouted his wishy washy contradictory bullshit.

In vain, I scrunched up my face and attempted to point out his completely faulty logic. Still, he kept pouring it on… “I don’t feel the urge to pursue you” he says, then he tells me he thinks about me all day every day. Again, I’m like “What?! But you just said….” Nothing he was saying made any fucking sense.

This went round and round with him saying ridiculous things, and once I was finally done with his total and complete mind fuck, I said “fine, we’re done” and I walked out of there.
Of course, I have since spent many many minutes and hours trying to figure out what the fuck happened. Still, I can’t understand and I am heartbroken. I can not tell you how incredibly painful it is watching someone starting to fall in love with you but refusing to let that happen.

What it really comes down to is…. I should have known. I should have known right from the start! I should have friend zoned his ass loooong ago. Shame shame on me, the hopeless romantic.

Published in: on March 8, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (36)  
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36 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Awww man! So sorry to hear this. I’m surprised he didn’t pull out the “I’m just not that in to you” line. Sigh. Read my post “Unrequited”.

    • It’s not a matter of unrequited love but instead of emotional damage. To quote author Katherine Woodward Thomas “There is a huge chasm between wanting to find your ideal partner and being truly available when he or she appears.”

  2. Quick question,is the Ambassador using some type of system or technique when he bails and re enters?Seems like a pick-up artist to me lol.He sure knows how to reel em in.

    • Ha! Kenny, this man is so far away from being a PUA it’s not even funny. His only “system” is to become withdrawn and drown in his own toxic inner dialogue.

  3. All I can say is…I’m sorry. And I hope you have enough in you to run as fast as you can in the opposite direction when he changes his mind.

    • I am having a really hard time just getting to the acceptance stage at this point.

      • My heart is breaking for you. Hugs to you, and I won’t even tell you it will get better in time because you know that. It sucks right now and you have every right to wallow.

      • I won’t wallow for long. I am definitely someone who believes in getting on with the business of feeling better, but it’s a process & I have decided to move through it instead of trying to hide from it. I am finding it to be very healing this way… It hurts but sometimes growing & healing do that.

  4. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You have feelings for this man and he’s playing with your emotions. It’s not shame on you, it’s shame on him.

    • My thought was –Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice (or 3x), shame on me.

  5. 😦 No silver linings today… that flat out sucks ass! Someone put this dude on meds, he’s bipolar for sure! 😦 And crazy for not doing every thing is his power to keep you from becoming the one who got away….

    • Ahhh.. Great reply Tiffany. I will most cetainly be the one that got away.

      • Oh & Captain Amazing had a fantastic silver lining. He said “You get to have te excitement of meeting someone new. You get to fall in love again.”

  6. Shit. No way? He did not do this to you..?

    What a total arse!

    Hon I know you’re not gonna be ok so am not gonna ask that but .. fk.. I’m speechless once more by virtue of his actions. I am so sorry, if I was there, I’d come straight over with a bottle of tequila .. And 1000 rolls of toilet paper ..

    And some petrol and a friggen flame thrower! 😦

    • Ha! Ya, once I realized we were having a break up talk, I was totally freakin’ shocked too!

      • I did not see this coming, but MAYBE one good thing is it wasn’t 10yrs before he let his true colours thru. Maybe? Shit..

  7. How childish. He is a total mind-fuck. You deserve someone who wants a loving relationship – not someone who keeps you on the back burner. He’s not “emotionally connected,” yet he thinks about you everyday. What the hell is that?
    I’m sorry it didn’t work out. It’s better to be single and open than to continue the roller coaster relationship with him. If he already bailed twice, he’d do it again and again. You don’t deserve that. Now you can find someone who is ready for a real relationship and treats you right.

    • I know… Just before I stomped out I snapped “Nothing you say makes any sense!”

      Why is it so difficult to find someone who simply wants a loving relationship? I’m not tryin to get married, have babies, or get a man to “take care of me”— I just want a solid loving relationship. What’s so difficult about that?

      On to exploring why I seem to be repeatly attracted to the emotionally unavailable!

  8. Whaaaat?!?!?!?! I didn’t see that coming. And if people reading your blog didn’t see it coming (since we’re not blinded by love/like/whatever), then there’s really no reason for you to say shame on yourself. I’m shocked. I thought things seemed like they were going well. It would be shame on you if you kept this going now, but I think you know better. I’m sorry :/

    • In hindsight I feel like I should have known… But I didn’t. I was certainly caught off guard. Things were going very well. Still, I have to be honest –going well, yes, but he was still withholding.

      Ahhh well. Feel like I have analyzed it to death.

  9. Don’t even be ashamed of being a romantic! Your willingness to take a chance on love is what being a romantic is all about. What you did was brave. The ambassador does not deserve to be a friend to you. You are too good for his wishy-washy ass. Don’t spend time regretting the decision to give him a shot. It’s done and now you will know better the next time you get involved with a man who likes to ride the emotional fence.

    • While I looooove the romantic side of me, at times I also find it a bit embarrassing. My romantic soul has caused me to act foolishly sooo many times. Like trying to understand when the other person clearly is not. OR hanging on even when I know it’s gone.

  10. (Shit delete that last one will ya lol I hit the wrong key! <– delete this bit and let the rest go?)

    Hon. WHATEVER YOU DO, don't stop being a romantic k. It's a small club and we attendees need to stick together. Promise?

    The amount of shit I get from people for daring to give in and try for love and romance is .. horrible .. but I keep going … and you need to, also!!


    • I don’t think I could stop if I tried. I’m a member of the club for life. & you are right about the 10 yrs. I met a eoman yesterday who has burned up 6 yrs with a man that breaks up with her every 3-6 months. I find just the thought of that -torturous-.

      • Oh hell yes, and worse – both you and I woulda done the same thing. Because at the end of the day we want to be loved .. want that “thing” .. and some men just don’t have that capacity .. for what that is worth where yr at now hon. Am so totally thinking of you..

      • I don’t think I’d last 6 yrs with that situation. Yes, I want to be loved but relationships are reciprical. It wouldn’t take long for me to say –enough is enough… This dog won’t hunt.

  11. I am so sorry. You and find ourselves in similar situations pretty often. Don’t think about it too much. Get it out and be done with it. Just remember for whatever reason it didn’t work and that isn’t you. He is an ass and trying bs his way out the situation but you are giving his bs more of your time then you should be.

    P.S. I am officially not dating anyone as of last night. I thought that had already happened but I won’t lie… it still hurt to hear him say it.

    • Sorry to hear a about your thing too, hun. Ya, it’s a bitch to hear em say it. I doubt I’ll be able to pull off not thinking about it too much. I’ve got to emotionally process what just happened and why.

  12. Don’t blame yourself. He’s the classic rubber band man. Let him go. He’ll bounce back….eventually. But next time you slam the door and say, “No!”

    • Rubber band man.. I like that. Very appropriate. I’d say he’ll bounce back about the time I’ve got my joy & peace of mind back. That seems to be the routine. I’m going to do some personal growth work related to why I seem to be attracting the amazing unavailable man repeatedly. Hopefully, by the time he bounces back I’ll have worked through all the junk & won’t even be tempted.

  13. I’m so sorry, Cadence. It sucks. It hurts. You feel raw and exposed. I’m glad you have good friends who can show you a silver lining. Don’t beat yourself up, just be good to yourself and have your friends help you out. Give yourself time to lick your wounds.

    • I am doing just that. It’s a little different than how I’ve gone about things in the past but I think it’s good.

  14. Good luck moving forward. Now you know the warning signs from the beginning. Don’t get sucked into this situation again. Treat it as a learning experience.

    • Although I love your feedback… Whew, this comment came off demanding. Gotta say it… You’re not the boss of me! 😛

      • Just offering advice, ya know?

      • Only giving you a hard time, Blaze. There’s only room for one Bossy Pants around here, and that’s me! 😛

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