Allllllmost a Home Run

FAIL

My V-day was pretty damn good this year. The Ambassador had a whole plan. He set his alarm and woke up at 4am then proceeded to gather a crazy amount of balloons, wine, card and a gift that he picked up on our trip when I wasn’t looking.

He gathered all these treasures and drove over to my work. He pulled up to the electronic gate which holds access to our fenced yard topped with razor wire. He buzzed dispatch where he was needlessly hassled by my fellow dispatchers (one of which has already met him in person and eaten his cooking!) and -almost- not let through. (Jealous bitches!)

Luckily, one of my wine girls… a full-fledged member of our group which we are now calling the DD’s (sexy shortened name for Dazzling Divorcees). When she realized they were contemplating blocking his sweet V-day surprise, she full on blasted them. “If it were anyone elses boyfriend, you’d let him in. Now, LET HIM IN!”
He zipped in and set up a display of his well thought out gifts then zipped out. No harm, no foul.

When I arrived and saw the balloons, thinking someone else had received them. I was quickly corrected. “Those are for you!” Said one of my co-workers, who was remarkably enthusiastic considering she wasn’t even going to let him through the fucking fence.

There stood a giant mass of balloons, a beautiful pink and white orchid, two bottles of wine, a card, and a silly little belt buckle I had eyed while we were antiquing.
The bottles of wine were one called “Scrapbook” and one featuring an image of a huge rooster named Rex Goliath on the front. He thought he was soooo funny giving me two things I like… Scrapbooking and a big cock. Hahahaha!

The card had a donkey on it. The front said “If loving you is a crime” and inside it read “then throw my happy ass in jail!” Cute… although I find it a little odd that he uses the L word in all kinds of different ways (like this, and “I love being with you”, “I love that about you” etc) even though he has never said it bookened with the standard “I” and “You”. Whatev… He also wrote some sweet things inside, like about me being sweet and understanding.

Recently I have been reading “The Five Love Languages” — my language is “Words of Affirmation”, but I found his words kind of luke warm. Ah well, not going to obsess over it.

We texted throughout the day, as I was working. When I got off work, I learned he’d made reservations at my favorite little italian restaurant. It’s a fabulous little place, with rock walls, dim lighting and romantic murals. They have great food, and great wine.

He took my head and lead me inside, right to a sweet booth where he sat next to me. I love when my guy does that. I feel like it’s just another way to be close to me. We had a fabulous dinner, eating off each others plates and probably making another couple, who was clearly there out of some sense of obligation, want to smash things.

I finally had a chance to give him my gift. I had been thinking about his gift for close to a month. I had the hardest time deciding what the right thing was… Finally, considering that he is on the verge of a promotion and only owns one tie, I bought him a kick ass power tie. It’s a fantastic tie, and fairly expensive. He looooved it, and woefully confessed he had screwed up his other tie, so his one tie predicament remained.

Once he had bought me a fantastic dinner, we headed home. We attempted to get through a movie, but fter a 12 hour shift and late dinner, we didn’t get very far… Plus, he had to work the next day, so he shut off the TV and we climbed in to bed.

Well, as I have stated so many times before… I’m a horny bitch, so I’m thinking “Yeah, baby, bring on the hot V-day sex!” I was cuddled up laying on my side as The Ambassador slid up behind me… He touched me firmly, grabbed my shoulder, bit my neck. Oooh, I was -impressed- and tossed my head back moaning. Then he stopped. I’m not kidding, he just stopped. He rolled over on to his side, away from me.

I immediately flipped over, and slipped up behind him, reaching and grabbing… It took me about 2 seconds to realize, he was being unresponsive to my touches. (I know, people, He’s a strange cat) All the plumbing was workin’ fine, but he remained turned away from me as if he were just going to float off to dreamland. Wtf?

“Really?” I said, “you’re just going to go to sleep?”

He just layed there. I pulled away in the darkness, and sat up staring at the clock. 10:45pm. My mind was racing. What the hell was he doing? What is this, some kind of power play? I don’t get it. I just can’t compute.

I decided, if it was some kind of power play then I need to recoup some. I’m not going to sit here in the dark feeling all confused and uncomfortable. I’ll never going to be able to sleep. Oh hell NO! All that effort, and he just blew it up. Epic V-day FAIL!

I started to move around and get dressed in the dark. THEN he rolled over.

“What are ya doin’?” he asked.

“I’m going home.” I whispered.

He replied something like “oh, ok” in a tone that said “I have no problem with that.”

I decided I needed to say a few things before I went. Honestly, I wasn’t angry, but completely bewildered.

I took a deep breath and softly said “You were really just going to go to sleep? I would understand if you don’t want to have sex but don’t toy with me…. I just don’t get it. You did all those things. We had a wonderful day, and then you just… That makes it even more confusing. **sigh** I mean usually if the girl is good to go, then it’s game on.

I don’t know if maybe you feel the need to control it, like you just don’t want me to hold any cards in this relationship… I don’t even get to have the sex card? I don’t know. I don’t understand, but it doesn’t feel good.” as I pulled on my boots.

“Ok” he said. I kissed him gently, and I left.

I puttered around the house, let my dogs out, and sat in my camping chair on the back porch, quiet smoke from my cigarette swirling up in to the night. I still couldn’t quite wrap my head around why he did what he did, but I managed to get in to bed and fall asleep anyway.

I woke up in the morning to 2 apology texts and a private Facebook message explaining that he was trying to be playful and didn’t realize it was a play on my emotions. He has no desire to control our sex and he promised never to do that again.

I was fully satisfied. In fact, I would have been fine with just the first text message, to tell you the truth. I had decided that we are still learning each other and I guess nonverbal communication isn’t our strongest point.

He did much more than that. He even explained why he didn’t ask me not to go… He was apparently dumb struck by my reaction, and further by his having gotten himself in to trouble. He simply floated down, instead of thrashing around while drowning.

I figured it was something like that. I have learned with him, that if I say my piece then let him be… He’ll come around. I’ve learned not to try to press him, it never ends well. I just need to be patient.

He ran the story by a couple of friends, who gasped and covered their mouths– He was met with all kinds of shock and awe.. “Oh, you did NOT do that!” “Damn dude, you’ve gotta eat crow… like a lot of it!” He started to understand more of why I was bothered.

He did come around. Even more than that, we kind of worked through what happened. I told him that for me, sex is an extension of our emotional connection, and I -really- enjoy it. I’m not in the mode of trying to protect my heart and look at it like it’s “just sex”.

He further explained that in his mind, he thought that I’d just turn the tables on him– and get all aggressive. That’s who he’s dated in the past… desperate, insecure, aggressive women. Well, I’m not that girl. I’m assertive and very sexually responsive, but I’m not about to violate someone’s boundaries— or continue down the foreplay path while being ignored. NOPE, not doin’ it.

We got through the situation, and pretty damn smoothly I’d say. I am, however, keeping my eyes wide open. There are two areas that are just kind of nagging at me. They are SEX– not getting enough, and WORDS OF AFFIRMATION– also not getting enough. Wow, I sound needy. lol– we’ll see what happens…

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Published in: on February 23, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (19)  
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19 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Remember dear blogger, ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS! Especially for a man (ok, a non-blogger man). The balloons, flowers, wine, dinner…. all actions of affirmation! I too seek the words, but the words don’t always come, so read the actions. As for your other problem, he definitely needs to turn up the heat, it can get cold in February! πŸ™‚

    • I appreciate the acts, the gifts and all but I can not live with out the words… With out the words, I starve.

      • I hear ya, I’m still waiting for my be all end all love letter! LOL

  2. Arhhh, I would have left too. Makes me crazy when they do that.
    I am so glad it was sorted out.

    • Ya, isn’t that some BS? I’m glad I left.

  3. This one rendered me speechless. Honest to god speechless!

    *sigh*

    • Tell me about it! One of my best friends is rendered speechless on a regular basis. When I told him this story, in attempt to not bash the guy he goes “maybe he was tired” Haaaaa! I guess he used up all his WTFs and “I just don’t get this guy”s.

      • ROTFL @ a guy being too tired for sex .. er I mean yeah ..maybe he was too tired ..

        You are a saint honey, no two ways about it. I think you leaving was brilliant. The only other way to handle it would have been too x-rated for this blog πŸ˜‰

      • X rated? Why reward bad behavior? Lol

      • no no no .. reward THYSELF .. Then when done, yawn and go “mmm night night honey” and fall asleep satisfied … leaving him to do a slow burn……… πŸ˜‰

  4. “If loving you is a crime, then throw my ass in jail”.Lol that was great.Although I’m anti-V day,that was cool.

    • Ya, it was hella cool. Not too serious, but not careless either.

  5. You are patient. So, so patient. And forgiving. That whole act with pretending to be asleep? I would have blocked his phone number after those shenanigans. Just kidding. Still, what was he thinking?!?

    • I try to be patient and forgiving but it ain’t easy, sister!

  6. Hmmm, no V-day sex? What’s up with that? Especially after your own self description as a “horny bitch”. Some guys just don’t get it, most women would meet your self description and expect their SO’s to at least act like they’re interested. My girl was happy with her V-day evening. But then again, she’s happy with most evenings…

    • I def expect my SO to BE interested. Most girls I know, myself included, are not used to being turned down when it comes to sex. It’s an ego bruiser, and I don’t it well… But I suspected there was something more going on here. Yup.. All miscommunication.

      • This is something I’ve had to work on quite a bit. Being turned down for sex…what a blow to the ego indeed. It doesn’t mean rejection. And we can’t expect everyone to be perfectly in sync sexually all the time.

      • This is truw but there is something more goin’ on with this guy. I’m beginning to wonder if we aren’t both kind of submissives in bed. Howz that supposed to work?!

      • Yeah…I had that problem the guy from the Red Flag post. He just…laid there. I had to do all the work. Which was ok, I did it. I just prefer to be the one in the passenger seat if you know what I mean. Also, another coincidence – I didn’t get any on V-Day either! Both of us were DEAD tired after all the festivities so it wasn’t a huge deal but still.


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