8 Rules For Dating a Single Mom

SO.. years ago, and before I was serious about blogging, I was hanging around a site called hubpages.com. Hubpages works a little different than wordpress, and because of that, some of my really popular posts have gotten an absolutely insane number of hits. So, I decided to take my two most popular ones (this one having earned 4,395 hits and How Important is Chemistry in a Relationship at 10,687) and make them in to “pages” on my blog.

The following post was a very sassy semi rant about trying to be a single parent in the dating world. Hope you enjoy. I find it packed with attitude, and humor. It got all kinds of crazy comments and seriously pissed a couple dude off. lol. Let’s see what happens on wordpress!

If you are going to date a single Mom, there are seriously some things you should know… So here are 8 little tips for avoiding Mommy rampages, and dating deal breakers!

1. Do as you’re told.

Or, as you’re asked, I should say. Respect her boundaries.. This sounds simple, doesn’t it? Keep in mind, though, you are on dangerous ground here!

If she tells you that her days with her kids are HERS and hers alone, then don’t be asking to come over for a late night movie or booty call. She may go along with it for a short time, but she’s got work, and chasing kids, and gigantic loads of laundry to deal with. The lack of sleep is bound to get to her, not to mention your complete disregard for her expressed wishes.

As single Mom’s we’ve had enough of people not hearing a damn thing we say. That’s the kid’s job, not yours! It may even be the reason she left her ex.

2. Never refer to her children in a negative manner.
Once again, this seems like common sense, but from personal experience I know it’s not. One of my sweetest, smartest friends once said “I don’t have kids to deal with on top of everything else.” Talk about Mommy Meltdown!! It was a good thing he sent that little snippet over text message or he might have been taken down!

Our children are certainly NOT “something to deal with on top of everything else.” Blame the damn dishes, or her job, or bills.. but stay away from the kids. Even though they often drive us crazy, and I’ve described my angels as being “hell on wheels” more than once– they are our precious babies.

3. Don’t bestow your stellar parenting advice on her.
You catch the sarcasm there? Especially if you are not an active parent or even a parent at all. Just take a step back and realize that it’s not your place, otherwise I hope you’re wearing your cup because those can be fighting words.

If you do venture into these waters, as openness and honesty is important in a relationship, chose your words and timing wisely! Not enough tact and she will see this as an attack, and criticism of her parenting and you have NO idea what she goes through.

Each day is littered with constant battles. She’s trying to keep her head and be loving while also trying not to go completely insane because no matter how many times she tells her child “I’m not your servant” he retains an authoritative, entitled tone to his voice.

This one can be especially hard for single Dads dating single Moms. Single Dads (with at least close to 50% custody. If you are one of those guys that calls yourself a single Dad but sees your child at your own damn convenience, you don’t count!) generally have great things to offer, but once again go about it gently and keep in mind Moms and Dads have different roles and different personas. God made us that way on purpose.

Also, talk to her about parenting and see at what point she feels it is appropriate for you to speak up. Most of all don’t get angry or disapproving of her parenting style. If you don’t think she’s a good parent or you can’t show a little respect for her difference of style and opinion then maybe you should consider calling it a deal breaker before she does!

4. Don’t get on her case about meeting the children.
Are you crazy? You’ll meet them when she’s ready for you to meet them. She’s just being a responsible mother keeping you at bay. Plus, ask about it too much and you will never get to meet them because it starts to get creepy after a while.

5. Don’t try be Dad.
Keep in mind, especially if the children have their father in their lives, you aren’t there for that purpose. You are there for her. Treat her as such.

I’ve said many times to my ex boyfriend. You’re here for me. They have their Dad. You’re my crack of sunlight. Single Moms often times run around all day taking care of other people. The man in her life is there to make her feel good.

Keep rolling with this, pamper her a little and not only do you avoid deal breakers, but you may become her new hero!

6. Remind her that she’s “one hot momma”.
Remember there is usually no one else in her life doing this. She’s the one dolling out the self esteem boosting compliments and kisses on boo boos. It feels very June Cleaver sometimes, and we need to be reminded that we are sexy and lusted after. Plus, if she feels you see her as some sort of motherly figure, I can guarantee there’s a big ol’ glass of “deal breaker” in your future!

7. Don’t let down the kids or she’ll be forced to hurt you.

So the day comes and you get to meet the kids. Congratulations! This is big. Now you have to be consistent.

If she tells the kids you are coming over for dinner, they get visions of you playing xbox with them again dance in their little heads. You don’t show and she gets to hear, about a thousand times over and over again. Where is he, Mom? You said he was going to come over. Why isn’t he here?

Be particularly aware if you’ve been around the children a lot and bonded with them, because if the questions become sad little moping faces it’s a whole new ball game. Your risk goes from repeated shin kicks to anger that will melt your face off.

8. Don’t hurt the children or you will be killed.
Ok, so you realize I may be exaggerating, but then again how well do you really know her? Do you know whether or not she can have someone “disappear”?

Nearly every woman I know has that protective tigress in her when it comes to her children, and single Mom’s have that passion twice as strong. So hands off!

If I ever caught a man laying hands on my children in a violent or sexual manner, he’d be fucking lucky to get arrested. He’d better hope he gets arrested because I’ll definitely tell their father, and he’s very big and very angry dude. That idiot had better be in jail thanking his lucky stars that he didn’t have all his limbs and facial bones broken before he got there.

On that note, good luck with your single Mom! Also, one last thing… although I may have made it look like a mine field, don’t be fooled, there are million more wonderful things about dating a single Mom than there are negative! Single Moms are some of the most beautiful souls on the planet. The ones I know are smart, hard working and overflowing with love and understanding. They are women of style and substance, bursting with texture and life experience.

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Published in: on February 19, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (8)  
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8 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. LMAO @ hurt the kids and die .. Amen sistah!

    Good advice, and omg I can see how that woulda made some people fractious .. dumbarses 😉

    • oh ya.. On hubpages I had to tell off many a stoooopid single dude no kids. They hated the fact that I said “dont bestow your parental wisdom”… Lol. They were exactly the morons I was writing about!

  2. I like to add a rule to that: If you make a date for the night she doesn’t have her kids, remember that is probably her one free night. Don’t cancel at the last minute and leave her hanging with no plans. It’s disrespectful and she’ll resent you for it. (This is happen to me more times than I can count.)

    • That should DEF be included. Often, people who don’t live a life so incredibly full do NOT realize.. U’ve gotta appreciate the time you’ve got, cuz it doesn’t come around every day.

  3. “If I ever caught a man laying hands on my children in a violent or sexual manner, he’d be fucking lucky to get arrested.” Amen sister!

    As you know, when my son was younger I didn’t date for many of the reasons you listed here. I also saw many of my single parent friends struggle too. the thing I still encounter the most (and my son is twenty) is that guys try to get to me by buddying up to my son.

    The funny thing is that my kid decided before he met you that he didn’t like you bu tthe second you suggest hanging out with him he hated you. He firmly believes I have the worst taste in men on the planet because even though tried to spare him the emotional pain of my relationships he still felt really used by two men I dated as an adult.

    I really need men to leave my kid alone. If when he feels like you are okay then that is great but don’t push him. You are there for me.

    • My situation with dating and the kiddos hasn’t been too bad so far, and I think that’s because they are young. I can tell already that their attitudes have changed since the last time I was in a relationship (about a yr and a half ago). My son especially. They are all set to have an opinion now…. OH boy, this is gonna be fun. :-/

  4. I stppoed dating when my son was five. I thought about dating again about a yrear later because I was interested in guy but then I had him over for dinner and he was talking to my sion like he was his father. I made him go home.

    My son was really confused and pretty pissed about the whole thing. I just thought, “I don’t want to do this and I am not looking for some “uncle/ daddy.” It was just to confusing for both of us. I didn’t date again ’til he was eighteen and the first guy I really liked went through my son to get to me. It really hurt him when stuff ended. I didn’t date so he wouldn’t get used like that and he still wound up getting hurt.

    I had a really hard time with that. Then he really liked the next guy I dated too and wound u hating him too. Now he refuses to meet the guys I date. PB wants to take him snow boarding but my son is stalling. I figure if he wants to go then he’ll set a date but as far as I am concerned that is up to him.

    • That sounds like the perfect way to handle it. Your son is an adult now, and he is aware of his feelings as well as anyone’s possible ulterior motives. I’d say you raised him well… What more is there to do?


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