So We’re Friends

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned it, but in the last few years, I have managed to stay friends with my ex’s. That’s not always an easy, or possible thing to do. With how painful break ups can be… with how much rejection can hurt your pride, it takes some emotional maturity.

I wasn’t always like this. For the most part, the men I have dated have disappeared. I prefered it that way for a long time… As I’ve gotten older, however, my heart began to understand that you care deeply about someone, even if the two of you can not make a romantic relationship work. I have come to accept that just because he wasn’t meant to be the boyfriend, doesn’t mean he isn’t supposed to be in my life.

I’m so grateful for this growth. I really am. At this point in my life, I have a handful of very close friends. People who know my secrets, and I theirs. They are people I love and know love me and always will. Surprisingly (to me) one these is an ex-boyfriend, Mr. X. He really brought me in to this whole new level of friendship.

He and I were like fire and gasoline when we were in a romantic relationship. I don’t know what it was but it was NO fun. I hate to fight. I find it traumatic, and we fought all-the-frickin’-time.

When we broke up the final time… I was SO angry. I blocked his ass from my phone. I ignored all calls and emails. I refused to talk to him all together. If I saw him in town, I’d turn around and drive the other direction. Still, he never gave up. He just kept coming, and even waited out the 3 month block. (If you block someone with Verizon, it just falls off after 3 mos).

We managed to regain our friendship, even with me kicking and screaming. He’s a fantastic friend and respects my boundaries. I’m SO glad he pulled me along, and decided I could pay that forward with The Ambassador… somewhat anyway. Honestly, I can’t say I’m near as determined as Mr. X was.

Captain Amazing is another one of those. We met on Plenty of Freaks, and went out a few times. We have very different backgrounds, different lifestyles, and want different things but he’s, well, amazing.

My heart has come to this place where it has decided that when I meet someone who is an incredible person of good charachter, it’s going to hang on to them.

It’s so much easier to be friends with women. There’s no sexual tension. And I never have the thought that if we are really hitting it off, why wouldn’t we give dating a go?

Still, despite the beginings being more complicated, I am SOOOO thankful to have these guys in my life. They push me, and protect me. They talk me through so much. They offer a male perspective. They support me whatever I choose, but care enough to say it like it is.

If you’ve been reading my blog, you may know where this is going. I ignored Captain Amazing’s advice to get some distance, give it three months and see how I feel —and I went to see The Ambassador. He’s one of my closest friends. He knows me. He knows some secrets, and accepts me for who I am. Yeah, he’s wishy washy and maybe a little weird, but he has such a good heart. He’s crawled his way out of a miserable life, out of addiction and in to such a productive place… and he managed to do it with his love of people and heart for service intact. That’s quite the feat.

So, I decided I am not going to throw him away just because I may have been wrong about what role he is supposed to play in my life. I also considered that for a man who’s had so many in his life leave, it was important I show my face fairly quickly after the break.

SO, I marched myself over there. He welcomed me in, of course. The way his personality is, I can’t imagine him ever NOT doing that. We started chatting about the text messages and me having been mad and stuff. I thought I’d pop in for 10 minutes just to let him know, I’m still his friend. I didn’t just stop caring. Instead, I was there for hours and we talked and laughed and talked.

So, we’re friends. Although, I would never promise to not ever get mad, I can say I’ll won’t stop caring.

Published in: on January 31, 2012 at 9:00 am  Leave a Comment  
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