Actions Speak Louder

So, The Ambassador has a brutal head cold. I texted him to ask how work was and he immediately called crying and whining for some NyQuil. “ugh, I’m dying… need Quill. bring quill… ugh… I think I have the bird flu… or maybe it’s SARS. Ugh… bring Quill…” lol. Whaaaat a baby.

I, of course, am a caregiver (at heart and by a decade of Mom training) and despite being quite irritated with him I agreed to pick some up and bring it by. I realized as I was grabbing my bag and heading to the grocery store at 10pm (That’s SUPER late for us small town folks, and I barely made it through the grocery store doors before they closed!) that this was a way of letting me in. One step closer.

I didn’t let him come by and see me the day I was sick. I was certain I looked like hell, and although I DESPISE having to get up and drag my ass out the door to get medicine when I’m sick… I did not allow him to help, even though he offered.

I tried to absorb that and calm some of my frustration with him before going over there.

He had left the door unlocked for me and I sneaked into his dark apartment and back to the bedroom where he was cuddled up with his heater and blankets galore. He was his goofy self, joking around saying “I want to open mouth kiss you… ughhh.. here kiss me.” We laughed like we always do and he grabbed me for a long luxurious hug, complete with his now standard caressing of my ass. (oooh, niiiiice!)

As we chatted I brought up the fact that I had just been sitting with two girlfriends who married men they did not have an intense and intimate emotional connection with. The first because she was pregnant, and the second be (by her own confession) he was the only one askin’.

I explained that they had married highly educated, ambitious, responsible men… one an alpha, one a beta, and yet it hadn’t worked out. “See? Remember what I was saying about that emotional connection being so important? It’s the only thing that matters. These two guys had it all… except that, and CRASH.”

Then he said something that was so odd. I don’t know where he got this idea, but he said “but you just want to make sure you’re with someone who’s ‘capable’ of that, right?”

I said “Hellz NO. I want to have it. How do you know if someone is capable or not, unless you have it? Even more so… what if someone is just unwilling. You don’t know. Maybe they wanna keep you at arms length forever because they are scared of getting hurt.”

I started at him with raised eyebrows… “That’s right. I said it.” And the laughter ensued.

It was nice to see him. Not only did I get to give some clues that I was feeling distant, but I got to interject some valuable information in to the conversation. I stayed with him until he fell asleep and then was on my way.

Tomorrow is a day to get busy… Find a project, go to an event, drink wine with my girlfriends. Our balance is off and it doesn’t feel good. Hopefully this will make a stride toward repairing that… — action speaks louder than words.

Published in: on January 20, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (1)  
Tags: , , ,

The URI to TrackBack this entry is:

RSS feed for comments on this post.

One CommentLeave a comment

  1. I have man flu will you bring me some ‘quill please?

    Er, but I won’t stroke your bum, sorry …

    PS clues may not work with this one. Unless you attach them to a sledgehammer during delivery? *grins*

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: