TP Adventure

So, on New Years eve The Sultry School Teacher and I went out on the town. I managed to wrestler a babysitter from my contact list at the last minute so we could have a couple hours being grown ups to celebrate the new year.

The Ambassador got off work around 8 and showed up at my door. I was already dressed up in my black boots with a short skirt, and a spot of cleavage showing. I was totally in bliss as he fawned all over me, telling me how hot I looked. That was terrific!

We chatted about his plans with his buddy to go to the city. I wasn’t sure why he hadn’t planned to stay in town knowing I had a sitter, but that’s fine. He needs his guy time, just like I need time with my best girlfriend.

The Sultry School Teacher and I decided to hit The Elks club since. You see, our town is lame, I have to admit. We had ventured out to The Pub a couple weeks ago and the place was completely dead… so this time, thinking we might bump in to some young lawyers, cops, or other gainfully employeed men we decided on The Elks.

I have to give kudos to the live band… They were a lot of fun, and we were right thinking we’d be surrounded by men who were gainfully employeed and prominent members of the community however they were all a good decade or so older than us.

We hung around until about the 11th hour when for some reason The Elks decided it was crucial that they force everyone on to the dance floor to hold hands and listen to them ring a bell a bunch of times and recite some ridiculous Elks pledge. UGH! We gotta go.

We decided since we knew The Ambassador was out of town we should prank his house. Oh, what to do, what to do??? Then I popped up with “We could TP his place!”

The Sultry School Teacher was in like Flinn and we zoomed over to our houses to grab as much toilet paper as we could spare without completely bankrupting our stockpiles. We ended up with 6 rolls.

Off we went, and in a flash we were laughing our asses off in the freezing cold wearing skirts and heels throwing rolls of toilet paper in to the tree in front of The Ambassador’s place… We tossed TP on to his truck and all over the rose bushes. The tree was by far the best though. Since The Sultry School Teacher had played softball in college, she had a hell of an arm. She managed to throw TP crazy high in to the tree and it cascaded down… beautiful thin sheets of white created a near hiding place beneath the branches of the tree.

We stumbled through the pebbles around the tree knocking stuff over that was invisible in the dark of night. I nearly fell over climbing on to some rocks in his yard. We were trying like hell to keep quiet so we didn’t wake up his neighbors but couldn’t help the cackling.

The scene had to be hilarious to anyone who might have witnessed it. There we are, two women in mid to late 30– dressed to the 9s. The Sultry School Teacher was even in a sequence skirt. Heels, pantyhose, dress coates and hair perfectly coifed — throwing rolls of toilet paper in to the air. And if you know us, it’s even funnier… A police dispatcher and an elementary school teacher with a Master’s Degree. HI-larious! IF anyone had driven by, they wouldn’t have believed thier eyes.

We finally used up all our TP. It’s never enough in a situation like that, but we decided it would do and roared off in my charger howling with laughter.

We went by another little bar. I wouldn’t say it was teaming with people but atleast it was inhabited. The crowd was now much younger than us. We are trapped in this really in between age group for our town, and it feels like there is NO ONE our age who isn’t married and off busy with their own life.

We watched the ball drop on TV and toasted our childish mischief with cheap champagne in useless plastic flutes, and got spilled on by any person with in a 5 ft radius. Although he was not there to kiss me at midnight, The Ambassador fired off a text right on the dot.

The next morning I drove past The Ambassador’s house on my way to work and low and behold… The place was clean! And I mean it was IMMACULATE! I was dumbfounded. The Ambassador had sent me a text at 330am saying he and his buddy were going to stay in the city and drive back the next morning…. So he wasn’t even home.

What happened? Did the neighbors clean it up? I know his neighbors and The Ambassador is very close with them. In the summer it’s not uncommon to roll by his place and see all of them out front in thier rigid white plastic walmart chairs just shootin’ the breeze. His neighbor’s LOVE him. God damn good neighbors! I mean WHO DOES THAT? And before he even sees it?!

They would have had to clean it up some time between 1130pm and 645am on New Years Eve! It was The Sultry School Teacher’s first time ever toilet papering ANYTHING and she’s 37 years old. Her first time and he didn’t even see it? I’m ready to smash some neighbor’s shins, dude!

Once The Ambassador made it home, we texted and he didn’t say anything about it. So I sent a photo. “Drove by your house last night. What happened???”

He’s like “Are you sure that’s my house? I can’t see the pic really well and my house looks fine.”

I’m like “hell ya, it’s your house. 7 months– I KNOW where your house is!

He starts saying “That’s too bad. Maybe my neighbor Penny cleaned it up.”

He had me going so well, I was starting to wonder if we had TPd the wrong house! He brought some coffee by my work and maintained that he had not seen any toilet paper at his house. In my frustration I finally confessed that Jen and I pulled the prank.

Well, that’s what he had on his mind (see yesterday’s post). Here I was all worried that he might want to talk about something serious, when really he just let me know that he lied. He said we got him good, and he was trying to find a way to kinda prank me back. He succeeded. I was totally fooled! Sooo glad he finally spilled it though, because I was laughing SO hard I almost peed my pants!

He was falling asleep in the passenger seat of his buddy’s van all the way back from the city. He was exhausted after a 10 hour shift and adventure to the lights of the city.

When they finally got to his place at 330 in the morning… His eyes grew wide and he gasped seeing the toilet paper. He waffled a little trying to figure out who had done it, but finally settled on me and The School Teacher.

Then he and his buddy (they are very experienced pranksters) decided to take away our glory by denying it had ever happened. Ya, they won…

BUT I did get to hear the story of him fashioning a giant poking stick and having to stand on the edge of his truck bed to wrestle TP out of the top of the tree. I was laughing so hard my sides were splitting!!

He also explained he didn’t want his buddy to have to be a third wheel on New Years Eve, and his buddy’s girl was working. He said it would have been the same for The Sultry School Teacher if he had stuck around. Our besties do not do third wheelin’ well. His friend gets all quiet, and mine just leaves. Lol.

I thanked him for the midnight text message and he told me he’d had that text sitting on his screen for like a half hour waiting to send it with perfect timing. That’s quite a bit of effort. That works for where we are right now. I’m happy.

Published in: on January 16, 2012 at 9:00 am  Leave a Comment  
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