She Wants to be Wanted

Things have been going swimmingly with The Ambassador the last few days. I can really see his responding to my request for more openness and I am soakin’ that up… I’m shining from the inside out. I’ve been flashing those great big smiles that erupt from the very tips of your toes.

I feel much more calm about the whole thing. I perked up some when he came by last night. I was all dressed up in a short skirt, and tall boots ready to go out with my girlfriend and he was under my spell. I could tell he just wanted to put his hands all over me, but my kids were home and I had to back him off a bit. Damn!

Still good… a girl wants to be wanted. That’s what it all comes down to.

So, with this new calm comes moments where my mind ISN’T racing. It has given me time to look at him…. Time to think and feel, and it turns out now it’s my turn to feel unsure.

This kinda junk happened to me in my last relationship with Mr. X. Everytime we were moving towards a step, I pulled back some. Though, when it happened with Mr. X I didn’t feel it. I couldn’t recognize it even with him pointing it out, but looking back, now I see.

I think it’s happeneing after The Ambassador’s marrying kind question and stuff. He’s quite a bit more serious than I expected him to be. I’d like to say the feeling is coming from being disappointed at his withholding, but being honest… It’s the talk of steps. See– girls get scared of committment too.

I’ll tell ya, readers, this dating stuff when you are a little older and have gotten the shit kicked out of you by love… is muuuuch more difficult. We are certainly complicated creatures.

Yesterday he was texting me “you are so fucking hot” and then he followed up with “in a mature sort of way”. He’s said things like this to me before… marveling at how mature I am. He’s also said things like “you’re so womanly.” Which was, without question, meant as a compliment.

Personally, I don’t really want to be mature… I want to be fun. Today he brought me a fancy coffee by the office and I told him just that. He just shook his head and said “it’s crazy attractive.” Oooooh, crazy attractive. LOVE that!

He looked so serious coming by my office today. I think he was tired after a night out with his buddy and he said he’s intimidated coming to my office. Seriously, it IS intimidating. When it’s open it’s crawling with cops… even one of the nicer ones shut the door on him last time he was here, causing coffee to splash up all over him. When it’s closed, I am behind an automated and locked gate, with razor wire on the top. Yet… he still shows and brings me treats. He’s fantastic.
As my long ass shift comes to a close, my mind churns with what he said just before he left my office. “Call me when you get off work. Call me when you are all done, and you can relax.”

Immediately (of course– it’s me. can’t help it) I say “Waaaaait a minute. Is this one of those ‘we need to talk’ type things?” At first he said yes, then started poking fun at me. Before I stomp off in a playful huff, he says “No, just when you’re all done. Then I can come over and we can play.”

THAT has me wondering if we will finally get to make-out, grope and grab, maybe remove some clothing clothing… Of course I’m always wondering that because I’m one horny babe.

It has occured to me too, that he was just trying to relieve my nervousness and reframed what he was trying to say. We shall see. Today I mostly feel like.. It will be what it will be. Hope for the best.

I’m soooooo tired after my big night out last night then a 12 hour shift, but damn it, I wanna know what’s on his mind.

Published in: on January 15, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (2)  
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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. honey, he’s a man – he meant “after work I want to come over, hang with you and relax after work” ..

    Let me know if I’m wrong but I’m willing to be I aint 😉

    Oh and the “mature” thing, I wonder if that’s him trying to not be too “teenagerish” or flippant? ie he sent the “you’re so hot” text then thought “I don’t want her to think I objectify her so I’ll follow up with another “grown up” compliment”??

    That’s what I thought when I read it anyway ..

    • OH No.. Honey, nothin’ gets by me. He did have something to talk to me about. I can tell when there is something on his mind– just no good at guessing what it is.

      Turned out to be something goofy… My GF and I TPd his house and he totally fooled me saying that he never saw it… He finally spilled the beans.

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