Surprise, Surprise

“Many of us get our emotional excercise by jumping to negative conclusions” –Leo Buscaglia

There were so many things said in the talk with The Ambassador of Ambiguity. I was looking for reassurance and he took his second chance to give me that, and ran with it.

I happy to hear that he valued me in his life enough to worry about me being upset, and talk to his friends about it. He didn’t want to lose me, and when he thought that was happening curled up with the blankets over his head.

He told me that he turned down a recent transfer opportunity for three reasons, one was me, the second his best friend who also lives here in town, and last was the crazy bitch that runs the store he was considering transfering to.

I was happy to be a part of that decision. I was the perfect mix.

It wasn’t all about me, but I was a factor and that made me happy.
He once again stated that I am unlike any of the women he has ever dated. I have my life together and I’m mature. (I guess that’s a good thing. lol) He’s always been the mature one. It seems now though that he is looking for a partner, not a project.

He told me that it’s because I am different… Essentially because he values me and this relationship, that he has been so adamant about taking things slow. “I want to grow together, to be able to say I can’t be without her.”

He did more than satisfy, even delight me with his sentiments but he surprised me too. Not only had his thoughts gone from “Do I want a relationship?” to “Is she the one?” but he surprised the hell out of me with the next question…

“Am I the marrying kind? I mean, has it crossed your mind? Have you thought about it?”

Wow, I know my eyes got BIG at that question, and I sucked in a bunch of oxygen. He went on to say that he’d been listening to Elvis Duran in The Morning on the radio and they discussed this topic. Apparently the participants said things like “within 6-12 months you should know if this is someone you would marry.”

He also talked about a couple of women that work for him who are not married. One had a makeshift ceremony and has a ring but it’s not legal, and the other has been happy and healthy with her man for 15 years.

I stumbled a little bit, and then took a breath and allowed myself to be fully open and honest. “For me, if I never get married again that would probably be ok, except that in our society they sometimes make it necessary to be married. What if one partner gets sick and can’t work and needs medical insurance? What if they won’t let you in the hospital room because you aren’t married.. you aren’t family. You have no rights to make medical decisions for that person, etc.

I’ve done the whole picket fence thing, and that’s just not important to me. What matters to me is the emotional connection. I want someone I could be happy with if we had to live in a tent… but not someone who would run his life off the rails so we actually do have to live in a tent.”

I went on to say “Are you the marrying kind? I think, for me, yes… but to be honest, this withholding communication and stuff will make me run the other way fast. We’ve got to get this figured out.”

He told me that his view on life has changed. He no longer wants to be the gypsy that says “look I can pack everything I own into a back pack and leave today.” He wants a home and a family. He wants to feel at home, and have a place he belongs.

He also went on to talk about money, and how it’s important to him to have a cushion. He doesn’t want to have a lot of unsecured debt. I told him I have just one credit card with a $300 limit. “But we’ve got years maybe,” I went on “before we have to talk about those sorts of things and when I get in a situation like that again I’m fine with keeping things separate.”

I did not elaborate on my theory on couples finance, and we moved on. Maybe I should have. Then again, I’m sure that talk will come up again later.

He also asked if I am going to retire from the agency I currently work for. I told him I love it there, and have no plans to leave at this point but who knows what will happen when the kids get older. I might want to get out of this town. There’ s a whole big world out there.

He seemed to think he knew how I felt, but I guarantee I surprised him as well. Men seem so ready to assume that we all want to get hitched, combine finances, and follow where ever they go –or the oposite and never leave our current location.

I have no interest in a man’s money. I would be perfectly happy putting a percentage of what we make in to an account for household finances… The rest of his is HIS. I don’t have to worry about what kind of toys he buys or how much he spends on what, because it’s not mine. Chances are he’ll earn more and have more to spend, but that can get worked out in who pays for romantic getaways and who buys dinner out. If we are both generous and not demanding and greedy… It’ll work out fine.

I even have one girlfriend that can’t say it enough “prenup. prenup. prenup!” and I agree. This go round, I am taking responsiblity for earning my own way, and my own retirement. I know I won’t be staying at home caring for children as was the agreement with my ex-husband, so there’s no reason not to.

Can’t wait to see where this will go from here. He dropped by last night and was not the slightlest bit withholding of his feelings, compliments and affection. (although, still no dirty details to share. boooo!)

We are growing together and mmmmm, that feels good.

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Published in: on January 13, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (7)  
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7 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. After reading a few of these posts, if I didn’t know better I would say you were nearly obsessed with sex.

    • OMG that got an audible laugh out of me. I do love sex & I’m a steamy scorpio… But I think the “nearly obsessed” part comes from seeing a guy for like 7 months (granted there was a significant pause in there) and NOT sleeping with him! So, ya, I’m a little preoccupied.

    • You have NO idea Badger. NO idea.

      • Oooooh- couldn’t just leave that one alone, could ya Danny?

      • nope. and for some reason, i get the feeling you don’t mind as much as you’re letting on. lol.

  2. My gut instincts were spot on! 🙂 Glad to see it… Now that is no guarantee for how things will turn out, but I told you, there’s more to this ride, you just gotta put it to him…. 🙂

    • Maybe.. But I’ve seen the hot side of the hot & cold act before. A little consistancy would be nice this time around.


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