Understanding His Holding Back

The Ambassador of Ambiguity and I have had several discussions about him “holding back”… not letting me in… emotionally, physically or any way really.

In my attempts to understand my fellow man, and someone I care about… I flipped through my large stack of dating and relationships books and found one that help me understand.

Emotional Unavailability by Bryn C. Collins, M.A., L.P. It’s a great read. Not too academic and with little nicknames and check lists. I’ve read it from cover to cover before, but it’s also a terrific reference if needed.

Emotional Unavailability is nothing to fool with. Someone who refuses to let you in to his emotional life (and we ALL have one) can drive you out of your ever lovin’ mind. This I know from experience unfortunately. My marriage was a complete fuckin’ disaster at the end, and definately the ultimate in Emotional Unavailability so I’m pretty sensitive to it.

I think everyone is emotionally unavailable to some degree, but when it starts to get extreme is when it will erode a relationship from the inside out.

All that aside.. Emotional connection is incredibly important to me, ever since the wasteland of my marriage, so I absolutely can NOT understand why someone would intentionally build a wall to keep out the outside world. What I learned regarding The Ambassador was that… He’s staying in the middle. If you stay in the middle and don’t get too happy then you also don’t get too sad. It’s a protective mechanism but I do NOT live that way. I understand it but that’s NOT what my inner world looks like and I’ve never choose it to in a million years.

I want to really live. I was to have crazy amazing sex, and love, and passion. You don’t do any of that by playing it safe. He wants to feel at home.. like he’s coming home and I told him “I don’t think you can get that feeling unless you totally surrender.”

Surrender already, would ya?!!!

Published in: on January 8, 2012 at 2:00 pm  Comments (9)  
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9 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Maybe you need to grab a pair of handcuffs and coerce a little surrendering….

    • Then I’d get the body but not the mind.

  2. What you told him about surrendering is spot on.
    Baby, get busy living, or get busy dying. If I were you….I’d start seeing other people. You are WAAAAY to involved while he’s keeping you at arms length. I just want to see you happy, not frustrated.
    Kees Kees Baby-cakes.

    • I’m gettin’ busy living… not ready to start dating other people yet, and besides I wouldn’t feel right doing that with out breakin’ it off with him. Whatever “it” is.

      • Lol.
        Let’s keep this in email land baby. You move me. *rawr*

      • D- I meant people in general, smarty pants.

      • Ooooh you love playing me…..don’t even try and deny it Woman.

  3. Doing all that crap because he’s scared to lose me but that’s exactly what’s happening because of his behaivor. It’s self fulfilling prophecy at it’s finest!

  4. Are you describing the person who seemed to be able to be intimate and alive, but somewhere after marriage refuses to acknowledge your need for intimacy or do anything about it?

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