A Hard Beta is Good To Find

I’ve been tooling around in the manosphere lately, and gaining all kinds of understanding about all kinds of man type things. I’ve been reading bloggers that I love like Jordan thenatureofmygame.net, Blaze Frazier ridewithblaze.wordpress.com, and a little Bronan the Barbian (althought he tends to be a little barbaric for my taste) bronanthebarbarian.com.

From there I have ventured out to other sites in the “manosphere” that said original guy bloggers mentioned.. like Single White Male singlewm.com, The Private Man theprivateman.wordpress.com, Danny from 504 dannyfrom504.wordpress.com, and Keoni Galt hawaiianlibertarian.blogspot.com.

Obviously I can’t say I agree with all the opinions expressed -in fact, I’m certain some raised my blood pressure and cause steam to shoot out my ears- but I will admit— they are all very fine writers.
Apparently, there is an entire Men’s Right’s Revolution out there that I was completely unaware of. They even have thier own acronyms which I am not ashamed to say I had to google to understand.. Some acronyms I’ve noticed include;

PUA- pick up artist
LTR- long term relationship (ok, I figured that one out on my own)
MGTOW- Men going thier own way
MRA- Men’s rights activist

A great website to start understanding these terms and oh so much more –can be found here

My adventures in to man land have been enlightening, infuriating, disappointing, encouraging… such a tangle of emotions. My absolute FAVORITE topic was the question of Alpha males. What it means and what do women want.
I messaged back and forth with Jordon from “The Nature of My Game” about this Alpha/ Beta thing. He had mentioned in one of his blogs that he is in transition from Beta to Alpha. “WHY would you want to do that, hun?” I asked “I’ll take a beta over an alpha any day.”

He made a good point after that… He said “Do you? From the sounds of your posts its the opposite, at least for your dating. I can see you picking a beta for marriage.”

I replied “YES… You are correct that I somehow end up meeting a lot of Alphas– but more often than not, I have found that Alpha=A-hole. (Who knows, maybe those guys weren’t doing it right. )…..”

Well, he’s got me there. I am immersed in a world of Alphas. I do work in Law Enforcement after all. I have to say, however, that Jordon is right to some degree.

I think Alphas tend to do well in the initial stages of dating because they are less concerned about everyone’s feelings. They’ll just move forward and go after what they want in t he moment. In my mind, Betas have a whole lot more on thier minds — They let themselves feel the emotion of it.

I’m fairly certain my idea of alphas and betas would be quite different from that of the writer’s in the manosphere. I wish one of these guys would write a post and define the terms as they see it. In fact, I think they should ALL write one.

I think about it in terms of relationship dynamics. Alpha being confident, and dominant but in my book that also comes with abrasive and disrespectful. Beta being less confident and assertive but more keyed in to the emotions of the situation and his woman.

In the manosphere is it simply dominant vs. submissive? So, what do we call it when we land somewhere in the middle? I want a partner, not a fucking owner. That’s where I got my title. A hard Beta is good to find.
In my mind a hard Beta being a man who is a partner yet still the dominant one in the mix. (He is the man after all). This dominance is not taken brutally like the spoils of war, but instead something that is agreed upon by both partners.

God wired men and women differently. He created us to be somewhat yin and yang. I recognize that. I want a partner to walk beside me (not in front of me, expecting me to trail behind bowing my head) but just like in ballroom dance… The man should lead, and the woman should let him. That doesn’t mean he yanks her around the floor like a rag doll. It also doesn’t mean she has no input as to where they travel.

I do want a man who is strong and decisive. Who knows what he wants and leads. I don’t want someone who will step all over me. I’m soft-hearted and I don’t need that bullshit. I’ve had enough of that.

I have decided a hard beta is good to find. That’s how I’d define The Firefighter I loved like crazy. He is a beta, but strong enough to stand up, look me in the eye and say what he felt.

I guess it’s all in the way you define Alpha and Beta, and some dudes in the manosphere go overboard with the dominance thing. There are some, though, that shine like a light in the dark. Danny from 504, while still being Alpha, seems to have a genuine appreciation for the fairer sex. http://dannyfrom504.wordpress.com/

I also greatly appreciate Keoni’s take on relationship dynamics. http://hawaiianlibertarian.blogspot.com/2009/09/relationship-dynamics.html

For me, for now… I’m just going to say — A Hard Beta is Good To Find.

Published in: on January 7, 2012 at 9:00 am  Comments (7)  
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7 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Well Woman, I AM alpha….though mostly among the boys and when I’m out with the missus and in “protect mode”. At home, I’m probably more beta.

    No need to assert myself in the house. Unless, of course, I have her in the bedroom. Then she’s getting Danny’s trademarked and headboard breaking “beast mode”.

  2. Danny, there is no question in my mind that you are an Alpha male… While with the boys and out in protect mode (LOVE walkin’ with a guy in protect mode!), but more beta at home. Sounds like a great combination.

    & Why does even just the word “headboard” make me randy?! Oh ya, I’m on a starvation diet. Damn it!

    • Tell you what, next time you make my “beta” hard, I’ll let you know.

      It’s hard. And don’t even TRY and tell me readIng this didn’t produce moisture.

      • Oh suuuure, pick on the involuntarily abstinent girl 😛

      • I’m not picking on you girl. I’m encouraging you. I’d LOVE for you to unleash your fury on me. Trust me, I can take it. And you’ll sleep like a baby when we’re done. Lol.

  3. One of the good things about the Manosphere is that they are having a genuine conversation about the dynamics of attraction and relationships. This is something that you don’t find in the mainstream media, where the typical article assumes that all women are sane and sensible, and most men are jerks who need to “man up”.

    One area where I disagree with Manosphere bloggers is that they assume that women cannot handle their desire for a more alpha male. I tend to think that men and women are cut from the same cloth, and many women learn to compromise about their attraction for alphas, in just the same way that many men learn to compromise about their attraction to a pretty face and curvy but not overweight figure.

    There are some really good blogs that look at Manosphere output from the female viewpoint.




    It’s interesting that these writers all start from a Christian perspective. Women who have a liberal, feminist perspective seem to have a visceral dislike of the Manosphere.

    Each Manosphere blog has its strengths and weaknesses, but if you read only one, I suggest Heartiste:


    • I have traveled around the manosphere enough to understand the visceral dislike. I found loads of anger, narcissism, disregard, disrespect and chauvenism there, which only serves to piss me off so I stay away. Of course we are all our own people.. I can’t lump them all together. There are some good ones out there but I was overwhelmed by the not so good. I got tired of being trampled in the comment sections real quick, and those were the posts that I could actually get through. It’s too bad too because I find the topic fascinating.

      I do believe that men &women are pretty much cut from the same cloth though, so I’ll consider checking out the links you left. Thanks fo sharing.

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