OK, This is Getting Kind of Embarrassing

Ok, so this is getting kind of embarrassing. I keep writing blogs about seeing The Ambassador and ooooh what’s gonna happen… and once again– nothing. We stayed up ’til 1:30 in the morning reading tarot cards and talking. We played a little footsie, but that’s it my friends. That’s all.

I do not feel frustrated about it as I have in the past. I think I’m just confused. I am incredibly attracted to him. He’s got a great heart, had a tough childhood just like I did and never forgets where he came from. I can talk to him non stop for hours on end, laughing my ass off or being serious. We have an amazing connection… and I’d also like to mention that he started out with the moniker Mr. Hard Body. I had dropped by his place one time VERY early on and taaa-dahh, he answers the door in a towel. Christ, I could barely speak. The man looked like a Calvin Klein model, minus the tan!

SO, I feel all that, and I notice.. He’s laughing too. He’s letting his gazes linger. He’s trying to get me to make eye contact. He’s touching me more than you would someone who was “just a buddy”. I see that. I feel all that. It all feels mutual, but then he stops. It’s like he gets right to the edge of making a move and then stops.

I can’t figure out what’s stopping him so I finally found a way to work it into conversation.

I’d been at his house til 1am the night before. I woke up all full of energy and rarin’ to go. (Probably pent-up sexual energy) It was my birthday and I decided I wanted a breakfast at the diner and I did NOT want to go by myself.

I called The Ambassador repeatedly and finally dragged his sleepy pants out of bed to go with me. We had a great breakfast in a cosy little booth for two, and I noticed he was staring at me. He does this thing where he gets a perma-grin and his eyes grow wide like a child in awe.

We were chatting away when I noticed this and said “What’s going on with you? You are looking at me funny.”

“You just look so cute today. You’ve got your make up all done and eye stuff matching with the shirt. I just… wow.”

I, of course, grinned like the Cheshire cat. The conversation then moved to his talking about his buddy trying to fix him up with some girl and how he doesn’t like her and doesn’t want to hook up— He isn’t in the mood and his buddy just doesn’t understand. (I’ve met his buddy, and those comments seriously made me want to kick him in the balls! I better not see him around town!)

At this point, I was working VERY hard to consciously have a negative reaction to his talking about other girls… and also to his buddy trying to set him up. I probably looking like an actress in some ridiculous b&w mellodrama, but I did NOT care. I am NOT going to go through that again where he goes off with some other girl. fuck that.

One thing you must know about The Ambassador… He’s oblivious– to some things. Only to some things. He’s a Gemini, so he’s got this very decisive, confident, determined persona at work but in personal things… relationship and dating things.. He’s frighteningly, shockingly unaware. He completely misses subtle cues, and flirting, not to mention facial expressions and body language.

Because of this previous characteristic, he doesn’t notice one damn thing with all my efforts towards miserable, pained facial expressions. Finally I just said “Ok so I just listened to you talk about your buddy tryin’ to hook you up with some girl and how you don’t want that and stuff. So, what are your thoughts on what’s going on here (hand motion between he and I)??”

“What do you mean?”

“What do I mean??? I mean I stay at your place til 1:30 in the morning playin’ footsie and then I just go home…” I say.

He replies “Those other girls. You’re not even in the same category as those other girls. I’ve never dated a woman like you. You have your life together and everything going for you. It’s kind of intimidating. I don’t know. I go back and forth on you. What do I want? Do I want sex? Do I want a relationship? I don’t know. That’s why I keep you in the friend zone.

And you’re a Mom. I didn’t have a Mom, so when I get around that, it’s like (makes his eyes big and acts nervous)… I mean, you rule the roost.”

He also said that he wants to get to know me really really well. I immediately told him that excuse doesn’t hold water after five months. He started to protest and argue that he’d spend months dating that Sneaky Bitch. I stopped him though. I told him that even with that we have seen each other more in the last 5 months than I have seen my Bestie in the last year. “And you know how close I am with him” I said.

“HOW close?” he asked with a jokey jealous tone.

“See!! And then you do things like that!” I snapped. Then I told him “Sometimes it’s hard to be around you because I have no idea where the boundaries are.”

“I almost asked you to stay last night” he confessed.

“What?!! Why didn’t you?”

“I didn’t know if you would?” he answered.

“I would have! Why do you think it took me so long to get to your house? I had to go home and shower and get all shaved up and stuff! OH, you have no idea!” I laughed. “Well, I know exactly what I want from this. There’s no question in my mind… but mostly I want to be with someone who wants to be with me.”

“Well, yeah.. I..” he stumbled. He hadn’t mean to give me the impression that he DIDN’T want to be with me. I knew that… and I wasn’t trying to put him on the spot or make him feel he had to explain. I was simply trying to understand where he was with the whole thing and let him know how I felt without scaring him. Mission accomplished 🙂 I’m happy… for now.

Then he said the funniest thing. He goes “I think we had this conversation before…”

“Yes we did” I replied “and you said ‘oh, we’re going to have THAT conversation’ and I was like (insert huge gasp). You really freaked me out with that. I was like OMG!”

“That was the day we went garage sailing, wasn’t it? We still had a great time that day.”

“Yes we did” I said.

I dropped him off and had to get to work. It was a splendid and marvelous morning… it’s a good thing too because that was my only event for the day. We had plans to go meet up with Capt Amazing & his woman Ms. Perfect to go roller skating & such… but I ended up with a horrid belly ache and couldn’t go anywhere 😦

Still, the talk made my whole day… Happy 35 Cadence! Your gift is possibility.

Published in: on December 30, 2011 at 9:00 am  Comments (6)  
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6 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. If I lived near you, I would so buy you a t-shirt that says “fuck me right now”…

    Then again…i might want to borrow it right back…lol


    • Heehehehee.. I’d have to wear it to wine night with the girls. They would laugh their asses off! I’d just say “u think he’ll get the message? Is it too subtle?” HA!

  2. Oh that was an amazing talk ..Initially the whole friend category (and worse the Mum one) thing worried me however, he seems to be OK with it and it puts you pole position (not pole dancing!) in his mind as the ideal woman I reckon.

    He just has to man up and take it to the next level and to be honest, I think I would totally sit back and enjoy where you two are at now and wait for him to make that move..

    He knows you want him to, he just has to be ready .. and when he is, it will be ah-mazing!

    Of course, low cut tops and occasional inappropriate touching should help speed things up if he’s a complete dufus & takes too long!! 😉

    • he IS a complete gorgeous doofas who is taking toooo long. Low cut and inappropriate touching here I come! Lol

  3. “What do I want? Do I want sex? Do I want a relationship? I don’t know. That’s why I keep you in the friend zone.”

    Your answer is in his words and actions.

    • Love getting your feedback, Blaze… But I think humans are a complicated bunch. We are all out there trying to figure it all out and The Ambassador is no exception. 🙂

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