A Much Needed Bite in the Ass!

I was just commenting on one of Blaze Frasier’s posts (his blog is “Ride With Blaze” on my blog roll) and saying that when I start treating people like “options” Karma comes around and kicks me in the ass. It happens to everyone, I’m sure & it just happened to Blaze. (described in his blog “3 Up, 3 Down”)

I’ll give you an example. A few months ago I was seeing The Ambassador of Ambiguity, but I wasn’t all in. Even though I was really crazy about The Ambassador, I kept seeing other people, mostly The Collector, and I was too scared to let go.

I wasn’t sure how The Ambassador was feeling really, so I tried everything to find out while I was keeping him at arm’s length. I was afraid I’d let him in and really get hurt. I tried all kinds of bullshit to try to get him to say how he was feeling…. Like telling him about The Collector (and let’s face it, The Collector is super impressive) so he’d get a little jealous. I tried having the “where is this thing going” talk. I even tried being, sort of, overly nice… (Which was a real drag since it’s really not my nature) Next thing you know, KABOOM, it all blew up in my face when The Ambassador started seeing someone else and disappeared. Looking at it now I just think… *Sigh* Well, I deserved it. It was all manipulative crap.

I wasn’t being my authentic self. I was so scared that one situation or another wouldn’t work out that I wanted to keep some “other fish” on the line.

That’s a terrible place to be. I was treating people like “options”– like in that Maya Angelou quote “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”

You see, people can be pretty perceptive, and they will eventually realize you are not treating them like a “priority”.

For instance, The Collector is now experiencing some of that. We call him The Collector because it seems like he collects girls where ever he goes. He even started seeing a girl that he met when he and I were on a trip together! Just collecting collecting collecting. Seems like every time I see his name pop up on my Facebook it says “The Collector is now friends with –The Hott New Girl at the Gym”.

His karma is coming back around though. You see, The Collector LOVES Halloween and he’s been brainstorming what costume to buy for like a month. He’d also been hunkered down not dating or anything for like a month while he was studying for his engineering exam. Well, the day finally comes that he’s going to be done with the tests and free as a bird in a tree. What does he do??? He doesn’t call me… or one of the other women he’s been seeing for that matter… Maybe he thought he’d have more “options” if he just put it out there on Facebook. Maybe, like Blaze, he figured he’d just take his pic from who ever he thought could give him the best time. So he posted on Facebook that he wanted to go to this haunted corn maze. “Anyone want to go?” he asked.

Well, I was offended that after like 6 weeks of not seeing him, he didn’t call and ask me to go– He just put it out there on Facebook. Apparently I wasn’t the only one offended, or who had by this time figured out she was being treated like just another “option”— because NO ONE bit. Not one bite. Nothin’. The Collector stayed home alone, and didn’t even buy a costume.

Lately The Collector seems melancholy… He’s even said he feels alone.

For me, I had to struggled through it, like a guppy swimming through a tub full of tapioca pudding. I felt lonely. I felt scared. I repeatedly gave up on dating, then tried again. I feel like I just had to find my own way out of the fear and loneliness and in to looking at my life from a place of love.

I started reading “Therapy in a Nut Shell. 10 Simple Lessons That Will Change Your Life” by Patricia Bay. What a fantastic book!  (You can find it on Amazon for next to nothing)  I can’t pinpoint where it happened exactly but it got me looking at how many wonderful people I have in my life. Sure, I might not have the romantic relationship I’ve been hoping for but I have got some amazing friends and family members who love me like nobody’s business. They are loyal and committed, and a friendship like that is so incredibly rare. They may be across the country but I can call them anytime and talk to them about anything.

Also, I needed an attitude adjustment because these guys aren’t “options” or “dates” or whatever.. They’re people, and why am I treating them differently than I treat my friends and family? I need to be authentic and honest… Whatcha see is whatcah get!

There were many factors in getting to this new place — not operating out of fear — but that book was instrumental. Check it out, and watch what you do– cuz what comes around goes around. Karma’s a real bitch, and she loves nothing more than to bite you in the ass and administer a dose of your own medicine!

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Published in: on December 11, 2011 at 9:00 am  Comments (8)  
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8 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. […] that person, allows you to reach a level of comfort where you feel like you can be yourself. And as Search 4 a Soul Mate says, being authentic is where it’s […]

  2. Hi i came first time on your site and found lots of interesting things like your way of writing so natural like everything is happening front of me and am part of it.
    Soooooooooooooosweet

    • What a fantastic compliment. Thanks you! Glald you found the blog.

  3. It continually amazes me how parallel our paths are running! I was JUST thinking of posting something exactly like this, as I had some feedback from someone I dated along the lines of “well, you didn’t really seem all that into me.” I most certainly WAS interested but was so scared of being “that girl” that I played it way too cool. Wake-up call indeed!

    • Yes, I can see that too. Comforting to know you aren’t the only one floating around trying to figure it all out, huh? 🙂

  4. Blaze ain’t The Nature of my Game 😛

    • OMG Jordan… I am SO sorry. I do know that. Forgive my slip? Plzz- I’ll fix it.

    • Damn right I’m not. I’m not half the writer that you are.


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