I Love You Like Crazy, Girl

Once when I was married, I locked my keys in my car. A complete accident of course, and I was in town so it was about a 15 minute drive from our home. I called my husband and asked him to grab the extra key and come to my rescue, which he did but not without loads of attitude and irritation about it.

That kind of thing really pisses me off. If you are going to give, do it with a loving heart or don’t do it at all. I’d rather have asked people off the street for help than to go through the humiliation of the man, who was supposed to love me most in the world, treating me like a complete screw up and a burden.

Right now I’m in the process of trying to build myself a support system in this small closed minded town. It’s difficult for me because I’m not your average small town girl. I didn’t grow up here and I’m not like most people here.

I tend to be drawn to people who are extra-orndinary. I am drawn to and connect with people who embrace life and strive to do incredible things. For instance, Duke who has set up a non-profit and handled all publication and other puppet strings to put on a highly publicized fund raiser. This is after he has served his country honorably for more than 15 years and been deployed over seas during war time on certainly more than one occasion.

In his current billet he flies cross country several times a year to handle buildings and trainings for service men from all over the world.

Or like Captain Amazing who has put together numerous business plans and sold them off as well as using his considerable design talent to set up marketing for companies throughout the country. He’s also bi-lingual, has traveled internationally and owns property in The Bahamas. The Collector, who is multi-lingual and has traveled and lived throughout the world.. I could go on. Point being, these people don’t live in this tiny podunk town.

Lately, I have found some women who are just as amazing (my dazzling divorcees) and have also found themselves in this sleepy little locale. Like me, they are accomplished, career minded, talented, active women who embrace life.

Through building my support network, and playing the dating game, I have gained one major insight I’d like to share… People who are reliable and helpful, who will be there for you through anything –through heartache, loss, bankruptcy, even cancer… THAT kind of thing comes from that person’s character, not from your relationship with him or her.

So many times we as people want to say “he’s my husband, he should be there for me” or she’s my best friend, I have known her for 20 years, etc. Unfortunately, these characteristics are not related to the relationship. It’s purely charachter. It’s inside you. You either have it, or you don’t. So, I do my best to surround myself with people I know would gladly rescue me or protect me whenever they got the chance. I hang on to people who would consider that sort of thing a privelage (like I would).

I am applying this theory to dating too. I am sure it’s going to serve me well, as I want my partner to be that sort of man.

I was emailing with an old friend of mine. She was my BFF in junior high school. I always think to myself when considering relationships “What would happen if things got bad? What if someone got cancer?”

Well, in her case someone did get cancer, and even worse it was her gorgeous sweet smiling 4 year old daughter. As she wrote about this heart wrenching experience, she included that her husband was SO good with this child. Not even his biological daughter. The two of them discussed the situation in their family and it was HE who quit his job and shuttled this child to hospital visits and other required appointments. Unfortunately they lost this lovely little angel, and yet they stayed together. He loved her through it.

My eyes are welling up as I type. I want to be loved like that…. on a daily basis. Cancer is a big horrible monster but the every day things are just as important. We all have our insecurities, our bad days. I want to be loved like crazy.

“Crazy girl, don’t you know that I love you? I wouldn’t dream of goin’ no where. Silly woman, come here let me hold you. Have I told you lately? I love you like crazy, girl.” -Eli Young Band

I want someone who will look at my occasional absent mindedness, my distractions, my quirks– as lovely little tid bits that are uniquely me. Someone who will giggle and tease… kiss me when he has to come and rescue me for locking my keys in my car.

I want a man who will say things like “after all these year, you fit perfectly back in to my life”. Who says “I’m NEVER going to change my mind” and “I can’t imagine my life with out you & I don’t want to.” I want to be stupid happy swimming in magic, that chemistry of passionate attraction that I have so often written about.  Now, if I could find that with out some giant deal breaker… I’d really be SET.