What Freaking “Fan Club”!!??

Texting with The Provocative Psych Student today… I hadn’t heard from him in about a week, and he says

Psych: How the hell are ya stranger?

(I decided to flip a little smart ass his way… since he has been neglecting me.)

Me: I’m sorry. Who is this?

(Loooong pause. Uh, oh. (me giggling) I guess he didn’t get the joke.)

Me: Oooooh wait. It’s been a long time but I -think- I remember… Could you possibly be a tall dark & handsome psych student I traded kisses with? (kissy face emoticon)

Psych: Possbily. but w/ ur entourage theres no telling. what’s good?

(wtf is that supposed to mean?)

Me: With my entourage?

Me: Ha! My posse is two anarchist dogs and a couple of gorgeous school age kids that call me Mom.

Psych: Riiight. u know ya got a fan club! how have u been kiddo?

(Where the hell is this coming from? What have I ever done to make him think I have some sort of following? I was pretty irritated at this but I finally just decided to let it go)

Me: I’ve been pretty good. How are you?

I have to say… Even though I let the Psych Student off the hook, his remark about my having an entourage released a bee swarm of thoughts in my head, such as… What the hell did I ever do or say to give him the impression that I had some kind of following. I don’t have a fuckin’ fan club. I’ve been single for well over a year. Then I thought about all the amazing men I know. I do know some pretty incredible people. I managed to stay friends with The Stalkerish Ex-Boyfriend who is a bit extreme yet still an extraordinary person. He embraces life, cares deeply for people, travels frequently and chases his dreams. I’ve got Captain Amazing, who is at this point only a friend and dating someone else… but he’s my BFF and we’re writing a book together. Then there’s The Flying Lawyer. Pretty impressive guy, handsome and interested. (at least I think he’s still interested despite that uber embarrassing almost first date). There’s The Cross Fit Junkie, and also Duke, who is currently on a well publicized “mission” for a military related non-profit organization… also a very impressive guy.

So, ok, maybe I do have a fan club. I know some incredible people, but they are spread out all over the damn country it seems. AND I certainly never told him about The Flying Lawyer and The Cross Fit Junkie. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard a guy say something that insinuates that I am just beating guys off with a stick. Really? If the guy who says it really thinks I’m that amazing, how come he and I aren’t together? Am I that awesome? If so, why the fuck am I still on my own?

Maybe I’m just one of those girls where a guy thinks… Any guy would LOVE this girl, but I’m just not feelin’ it. Maybe I just haven’t met the right guy yet. **sigh** Whatever. So tired of trying to figure this shit out.

The Sultry School Teacher has a theory. She said back when she was in college someone told her that she was marriage material, and that was frightening.. and apparently that was why she had spent so much time single. She’d meet a guy and after getting to know her a little bit, they realized she’s… let’s just say, a woman of style and substance. She’s actually got a brain in her head, some accomplishments under her belt and that was quite intimidating. For college guys, who are in no way ready for a serious committment, that scared the shit out of them.

Is that it? NOT that I am looking to get married again, or even that I am the marrying kind. I certainly have no interest anymore in the whole picket fence kind of life. I tried “normal” and it didn’t work for me… but ya, I’m a woman of depth, talent, ambition, responsiblity. Maybe it’s scary, or intimidating. I don’t really know. I do know that at this point, I feel like I have tried every damn trick in the book. I’ve read until my eyes were blurry. I’ve blogged my own experiences, worked through my shit with a counselor and friends… and still here I sit. I’m just done. At this point, I feel like I just really don’t give a shit. I even had a first date today. I don’t know if it went well or not, and I can’t say I really care. I was comfortable enough, probably because I wasn’t all worried about whether he liked me or not.

I don’t know how long this will last. I mean, I have said it SO many times before… I give up. BUT, this time it feels different. (ok, I’ve said that before too) I’m just burnt out on the whole dating scene. I don’t want to make any effort. It’s just all a hassle and a series of rollercoaster ups and downs. No thanks. Think I’ll just hide inside my house for a while.

Published in: on November 27, 2011 at 9:00 am  Comments (10)  
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10 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Oh my. Don’t even get caught up in this fishing expedition. He is trying to get you to tell him that there is nobody else and that he is so very important to you.

    Don’t give up! Take a break and get back out there. It gets easier to weed the time wasters out as time goes on.

    • Is that what that was? I was completely mystified. I had no idea he was fishing for reassurance. I don’t mind providing that but after only 2 dates? Wow

      • I’d bet my firstborn that this is what is going on here. It’s an ego stroke, nothing more.

      • well, Reluctant.. That could cetainly be. He and I had a conversation before where he talked about wanting company on a trip he was taking but never actually invited me. Maybe I’m supposed to read his mind?

        God forbid he say, like a grown up “are you seeing anyone else?” or “Want to go with me?”

      • I know! I wish we could all just be more honest. I’ve decided to try that as my new strategy. A couple weeks ago I grew a pair of ovaries all of a sudden and decided to call out the guy I had been seeing for 2 months. Things were stalled, and I just wasn’t feeling it. I let him know that I had the sense things were really not going anywhere and that I suspected he felt the same way. He did and we parted ways. Now, that was way easier than I thought, even though I was a nervous wreck telling him. Now, we still chat on occasion and all is well!

        I’ll let you know how this whole honesty thing works out for me. I hope that if I’m honest and putting that energy out there in the universe, that the men I’m dating will do the same.

      • Reluctant.. I like it! Would love to hear how it goes.. . For me the honestly/ no games experiment seemed to take the delicious anticipation out of things and sometimes injected more drama than I was comfortable with… But what the hell, maybe I was doing it wrong. Lol

      • I’m sure I will live to regret this, but I needed to change things up a bit. Even went on Match hoping that the guys that are paying for it are more serious. Let’s see…

        As for the delicious drama, I do let things play out for 2 months or so before I start in with the total honesty. I find that at that point, the delicious has run out for me.

        I’ve got another 2 month mark approaching and seeing as how I haven’t hear from him in over a week, I think it’s time to drop a truth bomb on him.

      • Truth bomb! Truth bomb! Great plan.. I can’t wait to try the 2 month play out then truth bomb to keep it fresh!

  2. That guy’s texts are cringe-worthy.

    • ooooh, I’d love to know why you think that.

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